


godfeels 2, part 3: a good plan

by SarahZedig



Series: godfeels, or: "i dreamed of feeling better" [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Earth C (Homestuck), Emotional Baggage, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lesbian Relationships, Panic Attacks, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Temporary Detransition, Trans John Egbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-28 11:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 67,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahZedig/pseuds/SarahZedig
Summary: My name is June Eg8ert, and I think I'm ready for what comes next... 8ut I'm still only human.





	1. Chapter 1

  


  
  


June: this plan sucks.  
Terezi: SHUT UP  
June: I refuse. this plan sucks and I h8 it.  
Terezi: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO "L3T'S FUCK TH1S MOTH3RFUCK3R TH3 FUCK UP"  
June: that was 8efore we left the house. now I'm outside and it's hot and the door is right there and I'm realizing this whole godd8mn thing makes no sense wh8t so ever  
Terezi: WOW, TH1S 1S 1NT3R3ST1NG  
June: what????????  
Terezi: 1'M TH1NK1NG B4CK ON TH3 PL4N W3 M4D3 4ND 1 DON'T R3M3MB3R "JUN3 THROWS 4 H1SSYF1T OUTS1D3 ROS3'S HOUS3" B31NG ON TH3 L1ST  
Terezi: PL34S3 CORR3CT M3 1F 1'M M1SR3M3B3R1NG, 1T'S B33N 4N 3NT1R3 S3V3R4L M1NUT3S S1NC3 W3 T4LK3D THROUGH 1T  
June: this is cy8er bullying.  
June: except it's in real life!!  
June: is there a word for irl cyber 8ullying?  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK 1T'S "KNOCK ON TH3 FUCK1NG DOOR, 3GB3RT"  
Terezi: BUT 1'M 4N 4L13N, WH4T DO 1 KNOW?  
June: nothing.  
June: liter8lly nothing.  
Terezi: >:[  
June: aaaaaaaah  
June: I'm sorry TZ I'm just re8lly nervous!  
June: there are so many ways this could go tits up.  
Terezi: L1ST3N  
Terezi: YOU W1LL N3V3R C4TCH M3 D3CL1N1NG 4N OPPORTUN1TY TO GO T1TS UP W1TH MOR3 WOM3N  
Terezi: BUT 1 4M 4G41N F41RLY C3RT41N  
Terezi: 4ND BY F4IRLY C3RT41N 1 M34N 1 4M 100 P3RC3NT C3RT41N, B3C4US3 1 DON'T H4V3 TH3 M3MORY OF 4 G1LD3D GLUB-SUCK3R  
Terezi: TH4T 1NC1T1NG 3XTR4M4R1T4L 4FF41RS W4S 4LSO NOT ON TH3 4G3ND4  
June: that's not  
June: okay, well. fuck it. fine. fuck it!!  
June: let's knock on this doooooooor

I extend my fist out to

JUN3 W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT TH1S

1'M N4RR4T1NG FOR YOU TO K33P YOUR 4NG3R UND3R CONTROL, R3M3MB3R?

sorry, sorry! It's a ha8it at this point

JUN3

G3T OUT OF YOUR BR41N 4ND KNOCK ON TH3 FUCK1NG DOOR

B3FOR3 1 KNOCK YOUR BR41NS OUT ON TH3 FUCK1NG DOOR

is that really the phr8sing you want to

>:[

June: ok8y, fine!!!!!!!!

D33P BR34TH, JUN3. K33P TO TH3 PL4N. 4PPLY 4N 4DH3S1V3 TO YOUR BODY 4ND TH3N ROLL YOUR BODY 1N TH3 PL4N. B4TH3 1N TH3 PL4N L1K3 4 D1SGUST1NG SW4MP B34ST UNT1L 1T SUFFUS3S YOUR 3V3RY POR3

R3M3MB3R: W3'Re just here to chat.

June knocks calmly on the pungently yellow door, because she is calm. She definitely doesn't tap her feet or grip her palms nervously, because those aren't things that calm people do. Terezi slips her hand into June's in a show of performative physical affection that nevertheless accomplishes its goal of reassuring June that this time, she has backup.

She hears some shuffling and the sound of someone calling amicably out to someone else. The handle turns. Her heart is not racing and she is not thinking defeatist thoughts. The door swings inward.

Kanaya fails to register the identities of her wayward callers at first, but her expression quickly changes to something that smells bitter and confused.

Rose: Who is it?

Kanaya looks back and forth between the two of us, mouth hanging open. Rose strides up curiously next to her, and she too is rendered speechless at the visage of her unexpected visitors. Terezi smiles her widest flesh-tearing grin, which June mirrors perfectly.

Rose: June?  
Kanaya: Terezi  
Terezi: K4N4Y4  
June: Rose.  
Rose: Terezi?  
Terezi: ROS3  
Kanaya: June  
June: Kanaya.

What a compl3t3ly pointless exchange. Maybe the least productive opening salvo in an argumentative conversation in the history of paradox space. The wives shake out of their momentary descent into complete idiocy and turns towards me.

Rose: Terezi, what are you doing back on earth?  
Kanaya: I Thought You Were Dead  
Rose: When did you get back?

Rose attempts to hide her quick glance down at June and Terezi's interlocked nibs.

Rose: Wait, are you  
June: can we come in?  
June: I think we have some shit to talk a8out.

The wives share a skeptical look. This is not how they expected their morning to go and they would prefer if it had stayed that way, but this is the way it's going despite all their plans and schemes to the contrary. Our schemes overpower theirs. We hold all the paper rectangles. Checkmatesprit!

you're fucking with me, r8? you know what c8rds are called

SHH

sorry!

The four of us are standing awkwardly at the threshold, as if there's more than one way for this to proceed. What are they going to do, turn us away? That would be rude.

Rose heaves a sigh and opens the door wide to let these cute girls inside. June hesitates, which is such a June thing to do despite what her misshapen hair might suggest. Terezi, on the other hand, never hesitates, and immediately drags June's ass past the wives and into their disgustingly rustic home.

June can feel Rose and Kanaya's fire-like gaze on the hand she has clutched in Terezi's as they walk by. Who knows what they're thinking about this scandalous and completely unexpected union!!

I do, obv1ously, but unlike som3 people we know I actually respect boundaries. Also there's zero chance they aren't seconds away from volunteering those thoughts freely anyway. I can smell the eagerness on them like a cheap perfume pilfered from a relevant-trend-themed commodity exchange whose trends weren't even relevant when they were popular ten sweeps ago.

Terezi directs them down to the couch in what the wives apparently call their "parlor." As Rose closes their sunflower-scented door, the noises from outside completely disappear. It's unnaturally quiet in here, like every surface is perfectly insulated. This would be an excellent location to engage in some tumultuous carnal activities without fear of being interrupted, but these boring women probably use it to read in silence. L4M3

June glances around the place. They've picked up a little bit since she did the windy thing a few days ago, but not much. Open books with torn pages and wayward pieces of paper still litter the edges of the floor. June shouldn't feel bad about that, but does, because of course she does.

It's hard to believe that I was sleeping here just a few days ago. 

She has a hard time believing that she was sleeping here just a few days ago. But, then again, SH3 wasn't sleeping here, was she?

The smell of incense isn't as strong as it was last time. What have these wives been up to? Could it be that at least one of them has been brooding? Now that's a delicious development.

Rose descends delicately onto a small romance couch a polite distance away from Kanaya, who is clearly ready to provide defense in whatever form that may need to manifest. Out of spiteful protest of this bizarre display of chastity, Terezi slides so close to June that she's practically sitting in her lap. June blushes such a tasty red that Terezi can barely contain her desire to lick the quivering girl's face.

The Seer of Light steeples her fingers and looks expectantly between her guests.

Rose: So.  
Rose: To what do we owe this pleasure?  
June: I feel like it's,  
June: kinda o8vious?  
Rose: Oh, of course.  
Rose: Then I suppose we should abandon all pretense of a civil discussion on the matter of this so-called "shit," and jump straight to the part where you invade my den with yet another gale storm.

June isn't angry at all. In fact, she's completely calm in every sense of the word. And hey, would you look at that! Kanaya puts a hand on Rose's knee in a gesture that screams "Quit Being A Bitch Honey." Looks like June isn't the only one here who needed someone to play moirail.

Everyone is snippy when tensions are high. Just breathe, June.

deep 8reath.

Very deep breath. Just reflect on how criminally cool you are, and then speak in a level tone.

June: I overre8cted.

Rose and Kanaya arch skeptical eyebrows in perfect unison. Bluh, their expression tastes like an undercooked grub m1t3!!

Rose: Is that so?  
June: yes, it is so.  
June: I could have 8een calmer in my...  
June: disagreement  
June: with you.  
Rose: Well, I appreciate the acknowledgement, June.  
Rose: And I certainly admire how expertly you avoided giving an actual apology.

June's face cracks with the hint of a spiteful smile, the kind someone makes when they're about to say something that is not going to be productive.

June: why would I apologize when I'm not sorry?

The wives tense up. We've been here for less than a minute and already we're courting a potentially violent altercation. Someone needs to remember why they're here HMMMM 1 WOND3R WHO TH4T COULD B3? >:[

Kanaya: Lets Back Up A Few Dozen Paces  
Kanaya: There Is No Reason For Us To Begin This Dialog With Such Hostility  
Kanaya: Everyone In This Room Has Said And Done Regrettable Things  
Terezi: NOT M3  
Kanaya: Why Dont We Ignore The Obvious And Garishly Colored Nose Beast In The Room And Actually Catch Up On The Events Of Our Lives Over The Last Few Days The Way That Friends Do  
Kanaya: For Instance  
Kanaya: When Did This Happen

She gestures suggestively at June and Terezi's extreme closeness, particularly their sweatily-entwined hands.

June: uhhh  
June: yyyyyyyyesterday? sort of?  
Terezi: 1 TR13D TO K1LL H3R BUT TH3N W3 H4D S3X  
June: that's!  
June: somehow 8oth way too much and not nearly enough inform8ion!!!

Terezi shrugs, because she dosen't give any fucks she doesn't want to give.

>;] 

Rose: Wow.  
Kanaya: That Is Approximately My Reaction As Well  
Kanaya: Though On Reflection Im Not Certain Why I Expected Anything Different  
Rose: And this newly-acquired angry lesbian with a deathwish aesthic.  
Rose: Am I safe in assuming that this was Terezi's idea?

>:[

TH1S B1TCH  
JUN3 1 KNOW W3'R3 K33P1NG 1T C4LM 4ND COOL R1GHT NOW BUT

June: no, actually.  
June: I picked out this ensem8le 8efore I even knew Terezi was coming back.  
June: see, sometimes when people run into pro8lems, they're actually smart enough to m8ke their own informed decisions. cr8zy, r8?  
June: my pro8lem was the possi8ility that every expert in an 8rm ch8ir would make wildly incorrect 8ssumptions a8out my identity for the foreseea8le future.  
June: couldn't help feeling that if too many more people called me 8y an o8solete name, I m8 do something RE8LLY regretta8le.  
June: so it seemed like a smart idea to cut out the middle m8n and make it impossi8le for anyone to get it wrong without looking like a complete idiot to everyone they care a8out.  
June: I me8n hey, if you c8n't convince them, m8 8s well sh8me them right?

Rose is doing a poor job of hiding how stunned she is, which is a thrilling event to witness. She smells like someone who is rapidly reconsidering everything they thought they knew about a person. It's an embarrassing smell. Very impolite, Mrs. Lalonde.

Kanaya: We Really Are Stuck On Paying Attention To The Obvious And Garishly Colored Nose Beast In The Room Arent We  
Kanaya: Terezi How Was Paradox Space  
Terezi: 1T SUCK3D  
Kanaya:  
Terezi:  
Kanaya:  
Terezi:  
Kanaya: So June   
Kanaya: Whats The Story Behind That Freshly Permanent Skin Stain  
June: you don't get to know th8t.  
June: no one does.  
Kanaya:  
June:  
Terezi:  
Kanaya:  
Rose:  
June:  
Kanaya: Amazing  
Kanaya: Can I Ask About Your Shirt At Least Or Is That Also A Subject Of Aggressively Pointed Contention  
June: oh, yeah!  
June: so since I'm part Vriska 8nd part moody wind sock, I figured it would 8e neat to do a mash up.  
June: like 8reath of light or something!!!  
June: I p8 a really talented carapacian kid like a jillion 8oon8ucks to make it.  
June: is that even what the money is on Earth C?  
June: do carapacians even NEED money??  
June: wow, there's a lot of stuff I don't know a8out the world I'm a god of now that I really think about it.  
June: anyway I used time travel to do that, and also my tattoo I guess.  
June: huh........  
June: do you think if I do a retcon to 8efore when I paid that kid that the time I paid them goes away? that seems kinda un ethic8l.  
Terezi: 1F YOU N3V3R GO B4CK TO COMM1SS1ON TH3 4RT, TH3Y N3V3R PUT TH3 WORK 1N  
June: yeah 8ut I still have the art! should I like... send that kid a 8unch of money every time I accidentally undo it? or would it 8e better to burn the shirt???  
Rose: I don't think I've ever pondered the philosophical ramifications of chronologically untethered labor exploitation. Poor Karl would have an aneurysm.  
June: yeah it's weird stuff, huh?  
Rose: "Weird" is a delightfully nonchalant descriptor for your unconditional ability to influence the flow of canon, June. I'm starting to wonder why either Kanaya or myself ever raised concerns in the first place.  
Rose: So, is the Wind/Light motif purely symbolic, or is this yet another surprising aftershock of your spiritual gender fusion?  
June: I...  
June: actually don't know?  
June: there's 8 lot of stuff I'm still figuring out.  
June: there are weird 8its of memory that keep hitting me but mostly I'm just trying not to question it.  
Rose: Because we've all had excellent luck in our lives not questioning the incomprehensible whims of forces beyond our ken.

She meant that as a sarcastic barb, but June looks around at their quaint little house with all the books and candles pointless ugly curios.

June: yeah, it kinda seems like we have.

Rose purses her lips, but then the tiniest little smile breaks through.

Then she laughs, and the tension in the room changes immediately. It doesn't go away, but at least now it feels like old friends are talking instead of two bitter enemies.

Rose: You really are someone else, June.  
June: duh!!!!!!!!  
June: that's what I've 8een trying to tell you!  
Kanaya: Its Almost Like When You Let Other People Communicate Without Threatening To Kill Them First You Actually Hear What They Have To Say  
Rose: Almost like.  
Terezi: PR33MPTIV3 D34TH THR34TS H4V3 TH31R CONV3RS4T1ON4L 4DV4NT4G3S  
Terezi: TH1S ON3 PROB4BLY WOULDN'T B3 SO HOT FOR M3 1F 1 H4DN'T PROV3N MY DOM1N4NC3 F1RST  
June: wow TZ you are just  
June: you really 8re always like this, huh?  
Terezi: L1K3 WH4T  
June: like inappropri8ly airing our sexy laundry in the middle of a serious convers8ion???  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG 1'M S3XY  
Terezi: W3'R3 GU3STS H3R3 JUN3, SHOW SOM3 R3STR41NT  
June: th8t's! now you're just turning my words ag8inst me!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: TH4T 1S 4 SL4ND3ROUS M1SCH4R4CT3R1Z4T1ON OF MY ST4T3M3NTS  
June: oh wh8tever  
Terezi: 1F YOU TH1NK 1'M NOT K33P1NG 4 L1ST OF YOUR 1NFR4CT1ONS, YOU 4R3 SOR3LY M1ST4K3N  
Terezi: OR YOU W1LL B3 3V3NTU4LLY, 4T L34ST  
June: ahhh haha hah wow, there's  
June: you just keep saying things,

1S TH1S TOO MUCH

huh? oh god no, 8re you kidding? I've never flirted in front of people 8efore, this is fun!

>:]

June and Terezi laugh at the same time, and Terezi kisses her human girlfriend on the forehead in such an obnoxiously adorable fashion that the wives can't help but smile. Ohhh, and now Rose slides a hand into Kanaya's? Now that's an interesting emotional response.

Rose: You two seem happy.  
Rose: June, I...

She laughs a measuredly dignified laugh.

Rose: I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.  
June: yeah, um,  
June: I've never really 8een this happy?  
June: what a8out you, TZ?  
Terezi: M1S3R4BL3  
Terezi: 1'V3 SL1PP3D 1NTO 4 N1GHTM4R3 WH3R3 TH3 ONLY 4CT1V1T13S 4R3 CRY1NG 4ND CUDDL1NG  
Terezi: HON3STLY 1'M JUST W41T1NG FOR D34TH 4T TH1S PO1NT  
Kanaya: That Seems Healthy  
Terezi: TH4NK YOU, 1 TH1NK W3 H4V3 4 GOOD DYN4M1C GO1NG  
June: yeah it's pr8y chill.  
Terezi: R34LLY??  
Terezi: CH1LL??  
Terezi: S3V3R4L UN1V3RS3S WORTH OF WORDS TO CHOOS3 FROM 4ND "CH1LL" 1S WH3R3 YOU L4ND??  
Terezi: TH4T'S GO1NG ON TH3 L1ST  
June: :(

Something passes between Kanaya and Rose, as the former nods her head in an encouraging fashion.

Rose: June...  
Rose: I have to-  
Rose: Ah.  
Rose: I'm sorry.

June watches her without saying a word. Silence fills the room as everyone waits for what happens next. 

Rose: I should have known better than to behave the way I did.  
June: yes, you should have.

How quickly the tension returns to the scene!! Terezi squeezes June's hand again, to remind her how calm and collected she is.

June knows ex8ctly how calm and collected she is.

June: I wasn't kidding when I s8id how excited I was to introduce myself to you.  
June: may8e it was naive to think you'd do your usual thing without assuming I was cr8zy, and I get that you had good intentions and you just wanted to make sure I was safe.  
June: 8ut as I said to Jade, I don't want to be safe anymore.  
June: and your good intentions don't mean anything to me.  
June: your apology doesn't mean 8nything to me.  
Terezi: JUN3

8reathe. breathe. okay.

June: I appreci8 your apology, is what I mean to say. 8ut when I tell you that you should have known better, I'm not 8sking for an explan8ion or atonement.  
June: it re8lly makes me happy to 8anter with you again! this is ex8ctly why I wanted to talk to you.  
June: 8ut you need to know that even if we 8ury the hatchet tonight, I will never forget where we put its gr8ve.  
Rose: Please understand-  
June: I underst8nd just fine, Rose!!!!!!!!  
June: you misjudged, 8nd you feel 8ad about it, and you want to m8ke it up to me.  
June: 8ut I am telling you that you can't.  
June: may8e it seems like you just had em8arrassing slip up, a little oopsie doodle mess you have to cle8n up. like it's a learning experience for you, where you 8dmit you were wrong and you genuinely 8pologize then you do 8etter about it in the future.  
June: and honestly, more power to you if th8t's how it plays out. I hope I am the l8st person you m8ke that mist8ke with.  
June: 8ut there's not a single universe in all of p8radox sp8ce where I'm o8lig8d to assist you in that process.  
June: 8ecause I am not a vehicle for your self improvement, Rose Lalonde.  
Kanaya: That Is Not Fair

Rose cuts her off with a hand signal, which is good 8ecause I wasn't finished.

June: you don't get to apologize to me and pretend that that's enough.  
June: you don't get to 8pologize to me 8nd then act offended when I turn you down.  
June: the person you called "John" would have let it slide, 8ecause that person just wanted everyone to 8e happy and go on with their lives. that person h8ed to interrupt or impose.  
June: that person h8ed sticking up for themselves.  
June: I am not that person.  
June: which isn't that much of a difference, 8ctually!! I still mostly just w8nt everyone to 8e happy and go on with their lives!  
June: except now, that includes me.  
June: and I love you, Rose, I really do.  
June: we've 8een,  
June: through a lot, together. we've seen each other die, we've,  
June: we...

aaaaaaaa I'm crying again! TZ why the fuck am I such a stereo type??

4T L34ST YOU'R3 NOT L4Y1NG ON TH3 FLOOR TH1S T1M3

June: ahem. gosh.  
June: we h8ve a lot of history!! is wh8t I'm getting at.  
June: 8nd through it all, through every single moment we've 8een friends,  
June: there w8s something deeply, profoundly wrong with me that separ8d us.  
June: I know you knew it. Everyone knew I had "issues".  
June: and I don't 8lame you for being wrong about me!  
June: I was wrong a8out me, too.  
June: oof, this sucks. ::::(  
June: a few days ago, I figured some shit out that I immedi8ly knew was going to change my life.  
June: and I can't tell you how giddy I was to show you that I fin8lly  
June: re8lly, fin8lly, really god damn stepped through the door into this whole-ass person.  
June: I was so excited to prove to you that I'm not just,  
June: that I'm more than just a sad sack.  
June: that I can 8e more than a lump on a couch you all have to shuffle around awkwardly.  
June: I'm better, Rose!  
June: I'm 8etter now!!  
June: why can't you see that I'm 8etter????????  
June: why is iT SO H8RD FOR 8LL OF YOU SEE TH8T I'M

BR34TH3

8re8the.

BR34TH3

breathe

June: sorry for r8ising my voice. I'm... still working on th8t.  
June: it's just,  
June: I wanted you to see it.  
June: I wanted you to see me!  
June: 8ut almost no one did.  
June: and I am so 8ngry a8out it that it hurts.  
June: so.  
June: th8nk you for your apology, Rose.  
June: 8ut if your goal is to get things 8ack to how they used to 8e, that ship has sailed.  
June: you don't get to 8etray my trust like that and expect that an apology will make it better.  
June: no one does.

it's silent ag8in. Rose and Kanaya look... I don't know how they look. it's hard to tell what anything is right now, my emotions 8re so

FUCK M3 TO SP4C3 4ND B4CK, JUN3  
TH3 CH33R1NG M4SS3S GO F3R4L!!

oh, uhh. thank you. I don't,  
re8lly even remem8er what I said??  
my he8rt is 8eating very loud right now

DO YOU W4NT M3 TO T4K3 OV3R 4G41N

oh god yes ple8se

>;]

Rose worries her hands and looks ready to say something regrettably acerbic, but then she deflates a little and nods her head.

Rose: I understand.  
Kanaya: How About That Obvious And Garishly Colored Nose Beast In The Room  
Kanaya: June If You Have Inherited Anything From Vriska It Is Her All Encompassing Lack Of Grace  
Rose: Can I  
Rose: Do you mind if I offer some thoughts by way of explanation, with the understanding that they aren't intended as an excuse?

June nods.

Rose: You're right that we've always known there was something wrong with you.   
Rose: No, "wrong" is not the appropriate word for me to use.  
Rose: Something off. Something missing, perhaps, although that might be me retroactively correcting myself for the sake of pride.  
Rose: If it seemed that we...  
Rose: If it seemed that I failed to adequately assist you in addressing your gender troubles, it's because I was thoroughly immersed in troubles of my own. It wouldn't be wild speculation to say that every one of us was.  
Rose: And your problems, while no less pressing, were so oblique that they...  
Rose: They consistently failed to be my priority.  
Rose: I suspected that there was more I could do, if I just had the time, if you could just be open enough about yourself to work with me.  
Rose: But then you acquired retcon powers.  
Rose: I was nonchalant about them on the outside, but in truth...  
Rose: In the span of a few hours, you became unfathomable to me. As I am sure you are well aware, the weight of that kind of ability is philosophically fraught to say the very least.  
Rose: And...  
Rose: June, I never intended to tell you this, because it's something I am deeply ashamed of.  
Rose: But...  
Rose: When the dust settled on our session, when civilization on Earth C took hold and grew independent of us, and you squirreled yourself away in your home and seemed to just disappear...  
Rose: I  
Rose: I was actually relieved?  
Terezi: WOW L4L4OND3, TH4T'S FUCK1NG 4WFUL

8ren't you supposed to be the one keeping ME calm???

1 DON'T C4R3 HOW M4NY CH4ST3 L1TTL3 T34RS SH3 D41NT1LY BRUSH3S OFF H3R CH33K 1N TH1S PO1NTL3SS CONF3SS1ON4L, SH3'S

please, TZ

>:x

Rose: I... I know. I know it's awful.  
Rose: I won't speak for anyone else, June, but in my case? Your power has always intimidated me.  
Rose: If Dave travelled back and interfered with any of the crucial events that led to our current universe's establishment, the only result would be the creation of an offshoot timeline that would wither away on the vine.  
Rose: But you have demonstrated more than once that, with barely any effort at all, you can unconditionally erase everything that has happened to us in an instant.  
Rose: No one should have that kind of power.  
Rose: So when it seemed you were content to wile away eternity alone in your house, I...  
Rose: I worried about you! Of course I worried about you.   
Rose: But every time I thought to reach out, I found myself hesitating.  
Rose: Some awful part of me kept whispering that helping you might prove disastrous, because what if your depression was the only thing keeping us safe?  
Rose: And if that was the case, then... was that really such a cost if it meant maintaining a stable and predictable continuity?  
Rose: I never let myself believe that that could be true, but in practical terms it was still the root of my behavior.   
Rose: And...

She's been staring at her hands this whole time, but now she looks up at us. We haven't let go of our hands this whole time, and your grip is so tight now my fingers have gone numb. The taste of her expression is too mild to pin down. Even her smell has gone cold.

Rose: And seeing you here, like this? Emulating Vriska of all people?  
Rose: I won't lie to you, June.  
Rose: I am more intimidated than ever.

4ND TH1NGS W3R3 GO1NG SO W3LL

June opens her mouth to shout something, but then Kanaya coughs, and the whole room turns to her.

Kanaya: I Am Starting To Feel Very Uncomfortable As A Third Party In This Conversation  
Kanaya: This Seems Like Something You Ought To Work Out In Private Considering What Happened The Last Time We Attempted This As A Group  
Rose: I don't know if that's  
Kanaya: Honey Youre The One Who Insisted On Sharing Your Insecurities Like Youre About To Be Executed  
Kanaya: And I Really Would Rather Not Waste The Next Half A Cycle Planted On A Romance Chair Awkwardly Pretending I Dont Exist  
Kanaya: Terezi Would You Like To Come To The Other Room And Catch Up While Our Partners Fight To The Death

Terezi looks at June.

1'M LOOK1NG 4T YOU, JUN3  
DO YOU TH1NK YOU C4N H4NDL3 1T 4LON3?

I'm...  
I am scared of doing anything alone anymore. Right now I really re8lly really h8ve no ide8 what I'm feeling and I don't w8nt to lose control.  
8ut Kanaya is proba8ly right.

So I nod and kiss you on the cheek.

1F 1T G3TS SP1CY, R3M3MB3R TH4T 1'M NOT F4R 4W4Y  
1'LL B3 K33P1NG MY NOS3 P33L3D  
BUT 1 DON'T TH1NK 4NYTH1NG W1LL GO WRONG  
YOU'R3 4 LOT MOR3 4M4Z1NG TH4N YOU G1V3 YOURS3LF CR3D1T FOR

Our hands come apart for the first time in what feels like days, and I'm immedi8ly certain this is a terri8le idea. Terezi gets up and follows Kanaya into the kitchen, where they slide a door shut. No choice now. No turning 8ack.

Okay. I'm c8lm. I can do this.

Rose is looking at me with a mix of too many emotions to p8rce. I'm still rolling her words around in my head. What am I feeling right now?

Rose: I'm sorry if-

My phone makes a noise in my pocket. I pull it out and see a text from... Karkat?

Karkat: JUNE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

Wow, that's... unusual. 8ut not unwelcome! I'll have to reply later though. I put my phone on silent and look 8ack at Rose.

June: sorry, my 8ad.  
Rose: That's fine.  
Rose: I was going to say that I understand if you're insulted by what I just said. It's not the most flattering emotion I've ever felt about another person.  
June: no, no. I'm not insulted.  
June: surprising even myself!  
June: 8ctually it's... kind of gratifying.  
Rose: Oh?  
June: I don't know if you've noticed my new look? the hair, the vest, all that? I wasn't exactly going for whatever the opposite of intimid8ing is.  
Rose: No, I suppose not.  
Rose: I hope it's inoffensively obvious how that might be contributing to my concern.  
June: ... ah.  
June: hahaahh, hah haha, oh jeez.  
June: I could go the entire rest of my life without he8ring that word again.  
June: let me 8sk you a question, Rose.  
June: and ple8se 8e honest with me.  
Rose: Alright.  
June: do you honestly think that I'm not concerned a8out literally everything you just said?  
June: is this supposed to 8e some kind of new revel8ion to me, like, oh gosh, you mean there's existenti8l w8 to the things I'm capa8le of????????  
June: do you think I'm so dense that I've never thought a8out it?  
Rose: No, of course not.  
June: then why,  
June: why are you still telling me how concerned you are??

I'm calm. I'm angry 8ut I'm calm. Everything is going to 8e fine.

Rose: I want to reiterate that I am not trying to excuse myself. You asked me to be honest, and I am.  
June: I know you're 8eing honest, I just,  
June: you still aren't talking to me like a friend, Rose.  
June: you're talking to me like I'm a god d8mn time 8om8!!!!!!!!  
June: which I- I understand, I get why...  
June: you're not saying anything I don't 8lready know.  
June: I mean, did you ever consider that may8e the re8son I locked myself in my house for so long was the s8me reason you were h8ppy to let me rot there?  
June: I know exactly how dangerous I am!  
June: and that's why I, need,  
June: I'm scared of myself, too.  
June: I'm sc8red and I need your help.  
June: I came here to 8sk you for help, 8ecause I agree with you.  
June: I am a 8omb.  
June: and I.  
June: I am thrilled to 8e one.  
June: I 8m THRILLED th8t I get to 8e this d8ngerous!!

My fingers are digging into my legs. I've got to cool myself down 8efore I do something stupid, 8ut I just

June: I know how that sounds, Rose, I  
June: damn it  
June: I'm really not used to 8eing this angry!!!!!!!!  
June: it's like ten years of quiet disappointment have come 8ack to life as a horde of loud pissy 8nger zom8ies that want to get out of me 8ll at once.  
June: it's terrifying, the thoughts that pop into my 8rain! 8ecause they're fantasies that are entirely within my power to enact.  
June: and I'm not a violent person...  
June: except, I think I am now? and may8e I always was, and I was just too disconnected from myself.  
June: you need to underst8nd, I'm not emul8ing Vriska, I AM her, and it's not an idle...  
June: I'm not pretending or going through a ph8se.  
June: this isn't a possession. I don't need a fucking exorcist!  
June: I'm intimid8d 8y how angry and powerful I am, but also  
June: it's 8etter than almost any feeling I've ever known.  
June: giving a shit a8out something enough to want to hurt some8ody?  
June: it's intoxic8ing!  
June: it means that I'm alive and I 8ctually have a purpose of my own, for once in my pitiful existence.  
June: and I know you're he8ring this right now and thinking, "Yes June, you're doing a very good job dissuading me of my concerns".  
June: 8ut I'm not trying to dissuade you of anything.  
June: if I wanted to lull you into a f8lse sense of secur8y, Rose, I'd just fucking lie to you!!

1NH4L3, JUN3.

inhale. right. thank you.

Inhale. 8reathe. I have this.

June: what I am trying to get you to understand is that your concerns aren't helping me. if anything, they're just m8king things worse.  
June: when you tre8t me like a nuke that's just w8ing to go off, it m8kes me want to 8e exactly that out of spite.  
June: if everyone's gonna act like I'm a monster then I might 8s fucking well just 8e a god damn monster!! at le8st then you'll stop talking down to me and 8ctually treat me like something that's worth your time!!!!!!!!  
June: god damn it I just,

I feel my hands slowly release from their fists, and the anger coils off of me like hot 8utter. Underneath it is just... sad. tiny, whimpering sad. that's what my voice turns into.

June: Rose, if you're worried a8out your safety, or Kanaya's, or anyone else's, you'll put your fucking concerns away and...  
June: and just t8lk to me.  
June: just t8lk to me, Rose. ple8se?  
June: I need to 8e a8le to talk through all this scary shit with my friends without worrying th8t they're gonn8 kill me as a cautionary measure!!  
June: 8ecause that's exactly where your concerns lead, Rose.  
June: either you help me, or you kill me.  
June: there is no in 8etween.  
June: and I don't...  
June: I don't want to die.  
June: and would you  
June: would you 8elieve me if I said that I've never felt that way 8efore?

Rose slides to her knees in front of me and puts a stiff hand on my arm. Yet 8gain, I'm 8arely holding 8ack a flood of tears.

Rose: June...

I wrap my arms around her torso and 8ury my face into her shoulder, which takes her off guard. her arms hover 8wkwardly over my 8ack.

June: please help me, Rose  
June: I don't want to die  
June: I really, really don't want to die  
June: I'm fucking terrified that I'll do something stupid and you'll all 8e forced to fight 8ack  
June: and my death will 8e Just.  
June: what if you kill me, Rose, and I deserve it?  
June: what if you kill me and the universe decides that it was the right thing to do????????  
June: is th8t just my life now?  
June: just w8ing to 8e executed??  
June: ple8se tell me that isn't my fucking life now, I can't  
Rose: I had no idea this is how you felt, June.  
Rose: I'm so sorry for letting you think that I might...  
Rose: What am I even trying to say?  
Rose: I don't know that anyone's ever surprised me as much as you, and I should have recognized immediately how compromised my judgment was as a result.  
Rose: But you have to know that I would never want to hurt you. In no universe would I ever try to hurt you.

oh, Rose...

either you're trying to comfort me with a lie, or you re8lly don't know what I'm capa8le of.

"in no universe."

god, if only th8t were true.

June: I know you wouldn't hurt me. I 8elieve you.

I pull away from her, and Rose reg8rds me with a harried smile. She's holding 8ack a lot, but I think I'm done poking the 8ear for now. as nice as it is to have this convers8ion, I know too much to really 8uy that comfort.

She does have a nice smile, though. I remem8er a time when Karkat insisted we would wind up together as one of the only "via8le" boy-girl pairings 8etween us. and...

June: uh... this is a re88888888lly awkward question and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to?  
June: 8ut  
June: did you ever... have a crush on me?

her 8ody goes rigid with surprise, and her smile goes wide despite herself.

Rose: Where the fuck is that coming from?  
June: I don't know...  
June: it's uh,  
June: 8efore I 8ecame June, all my memories were soft and h8zy, like my own life was a jpeg that got printed way too big.  
June: and that's still kinda true, I think? 8ut every once in a while one of them just gets so clear it might as well 8e happening now.  
June: anyway your, uh. your smile reminded me of when Kark8t shipped us because of our genetics or wh8tever.  
Rose: How enthusiastically are you about to insist that this isn't a Freudian fucking issue?  
June: honestly Rose, I'm too emotionally drained right now to even pretend. shit's Freudian as fuck and prob8ably screams to high Skaia of a whole buffet ta8le's worth of sexual hangups.  
Rose: Can I take a guess as to which organ is standing in for breadsticks?  
June: it's dicks, Rose.  
June: it's alw8ys dicks and you know it.  
June: so uhh...  
June: did you?  
Rose: June, I'm a lesbian.  
June: well sure, but like,  
June: so am I??

She tilts her head and 8links several times very quickly. I can practic8lly see the equations floating in front of her face.

Rose: Interesting.  
Rose: Very interesting.

Her smile is coy now as she stands up and lets me fall 8ack onto the couch.

Rose: Put a pin in that thought.

She sighs, puts herself 8ack together, and...

seems to remember the state of the place and the whole reason we're here. her smile vanishes.

Rose: I'm sorry, June.  
Rose: I know it's meaningless to say.  
Rose: But I am.  
Rose: And I hope I can earn back your trust eventually.  
June: Roooooooose!!!!!!!! you're killing me with all this honesty, I'm trying NOT to cry 8nymore!  
Rose: Well, you're the one who decided to invite yourself to my house in the middle of the day for a painful and desperately needed heart to heart.  
Rose: Listen.

She le8ns a little closer to me.

Rose: This is new territory for all parties involved, and it was foolish of me to act the expert.  
Rose: We're going to figure this out together, okay?   
Rose: All of us.  
Rose: But before we do anything else, do you mind if I tell the other girls that the coast is clear?

The way she says "other girls" sends a jolt of joy through my whole 8ody. I AM one of the girls, aren't I? holy shit, that's so cool. 

June: hah, yeah. could you also, uh... 8ring back some water or something? my throat's kinda...  
Rose: Just water?  
June: ...  
June: what a8out today makes you think that alcohol would be a remotely good idea  
Rose: One never knows when a social lubricant might prove useful.  
Rose: But water is fine.

I laugh as she leaves the room. she seemed composed, 8ut her walk was... unstable? hmm.

The couch eats me as I slouch back into it more and more. wow, I feel okay? this is fucking novel.

I pull out my phone and see Karkat's message, and immediately my good mood is under cut 8y dread. Unread messages haven't exactly been good to me lately, 8ut uhh, hey, no time like the present, right?

Karkat: JUNE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.  
June: what's up?  
Karkat: THERE YOU ARE!  
June: yup, here I 8m. what's going on?  
Karkat: I'M SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO REACH OUT TO YOU. I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED AND MY SHAME IS LIKE A WIGGLING MAGGOT IN MY PUMP MUSCLE THAT I NEED TO RIP OUT BEFORE IT KILLS ME.  
June: Karkat, out of every8ody who was in that room you have the least to feel 8ad about.  
Karkat: FUCK YOU JUNE, DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME!  
Karkat: I HEARD THROUGH THE ORB-BEARING TENTACLE PLANT ABOUT HOW THINGS WENT AFTER I LEFT.  
Karkat: IT'S LIKE ALL OUR FRIENDS FELL INTO A SHIT BUBBLE THAT MUTATED THEM INTO GARBAGE BEASTS WITH NO RECOLLECTION OF LOVE OR JOY!!!  
Karkat: AND I LEFT YOU THERE TO DEAL WITH THAT COSMIC CLUSTERFUCK OF A SITUATION ALL BY YOURSELF, JUST SO I COULD CHASE DOWN THE BOY WHO SHIT HIMSELF PUBLICLY IN PROTEST OF YOUR GENDER.  
Karkat: I LITERALLY WATCHED HIM DO IT AND I STILL FOLLOWED HIM!  
Karkat: HIS SHIT IS MY SHIT, JUNE. I SHIT MYSELF IN FRONT OF YOU BY PROXY. DON'T TRY TO TELL ME I DID ANYTHING LESS!  
Karkat: FUCKER BARELY EVEN TALKED TO ME.  
Karkat: JUST SAT THERE PLAYING HIS STUPID BIRD GAME LIKE A MOODY TEEN.  
June: bird g8me?  
Karkat: SOMETHING ABOUT TOES AND KNEES? THIS IS THE LEAST IMPORTANT THAT ANY INFORMATION HAS BEEN OR EVER WILL BE.  
Karkat: THE POINT IS THAT LEAVING WHEN I DID WAS A FUCKING POINTLESS EXERCISE, AND IN THE MEANTIME YOU NEEDED BACKUP THAT I WASN'T THERE TO PROVIDE.  
Karkat: THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY, JUNE.  
Karkat: I'M A SHITTY FRIEND, AND IF YOU NEVER WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY MATERIAL EXISTENCE EVER AGAIN IT'S TOTALLY OKAY.  
June: holy shit Karkat  
June: are you kidding me????????  
June: you're the least shitty friend that ever gr8ced the inside of a toilet!  
Karkat: GROSS.  
June: I liter8lly just got done pouring my heart out to Rose for the 8etter part of an hour just to even 8EGIN to convince her that she should treat me like a person, and I know for a fact I'll have to do the same fucking thing with Dave!  
June: you have no idea how much it me8ns to me that you're like the only person who didn't go tempor8rily insane when I came out!!!!!!!!  
June: 8esides Roxy and Callie I guess.  
June: oh, and Terezi!  
June: did you know she's 8ack?  
Karkat: WHAT  
Karkat: EXCUSE ME  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK??  
Karkat: WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?????  
June: I think it was technic8lly yesterday?  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "TECHNICALLY"?  
June: uh  
June: haha, I don't even know man, just a funny thing I s8! lololol  
June: you know me, always such a cut up!!  
Karkat: I HAVE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO CUT ANYTHING IN ANY DIRECTION AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE FUCK YOU THINK THAT DETAIL WOULD BE RELEVANT RIGHT NOW.  
Karkat: GO BACK TO THE PART WHERE TEREZI IS SUDDENLY JUST BACK FROM THE FROZEN LIFELESS VOID OF SPACE!  
June: uhhhhhhhh, well, to start, Terezi's 8ack from the frozen lifeless void of space.  
Karkat: GO ENTIRELY TO HELL JUNE EGBERT. IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SUCH A PAIN IN MY ABDOMINAL CAVITY, I'LL JUST TEXT HER MYSELF.  
June: oh, uhh... about that.  
June: her phone doesn't,  
June: she lost her phone on re entry, app8rently!  
June: which is why she hasn't t8lked to anyone.  
Karkat: TEREZI NEVER LOSES ANYTHING.  
Karkat: SHE'S A WALKING MAGNET THAT LICKS EVERYTHING SHE WANTS AND THEN STICKS IT IN HER POCKET AND CALLS IT HERS.  
Karkat: SHE IS MORE TERRITORIAL ABOUT HER PROPERTY THAN WHATEVER THOSE FLYING SCALY LUSII DAVE PRETENDS HE DOESN'T HAVE ART OF ON HIS COMPUTER ARE CALLED.  
June: well, she did lose a thing this time I guess! I dunno wh8t else to tell you.  
Karkat: OKAY, FINE, I'LL ACCEPT THE FLIMSILY JUSTIFIED PREMISE OF YOUR STORY FOR NOW.  
Karkat: WHERE IS SHE STAYING?  
June: oh, uhhhhhhhh...  
June: she's staying, uh  
June: with me.  
Karkat: LIKE ON YOUR COUCH?  
June: yyyyyyyyes  
Karkat: WHY DID YOU PUT SO MANY Y'S IN THAT YES?  
June: you know, it's just the Vriska thing! nothing suspicious about it, o8viously!!  
Karkat: I KNOW IT'S THE VRISKA THING, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT MAKES IT A STYLE CHOICE THAT'S WORTH BEING DEEPLY FUCKING SUSPICIOUS OF.  
Karkat: NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU LITERALLY SAID IT'S NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL.  
June: of course I said that! that's what you say when something else you said defin8ly isn't suspicious!  
Karkat: THAT IS THE MOST SUSPICIOUS FUCKING SENTENCE YOU COULD EVER SAY AFTER SAYING A SENTENCE THAT WAS ALREADY FUCKING DEBILITATINGLY SUSPICIOUS  
Karkat: WHATEVER, THIS IS POINTLESSLY PEDANTIC WIGGLER LEVEL SHITPOSTING, JUST LET ME TALK TO HER.  
June: she's not in the room right now. we're at Rose's place, I'm only talking 8ecause I've got a minute alone before they all come 8ack.  
Karkat: YOU'RE REALLY DOING A FUCKING FANTASTIC JOB OF MAKING ME LESS SUSPICIOUS  
Karkat: JUNE BE HONEST WITH ME, DID YOU KILL TEREZI?  
June: not this time, I swear!  
Karkat: WOW, I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN!  
Karkat: DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME JUNE, I A;LKJWOV  
Karkat: 9DFA90 23eKPOJ3W  
Karkat: W WDD  
June: uhhhhhhhh  
Karkat: yo  
June: oh,  
June: Dave?  
Karkat: yeah hold up  
June: ...  
June: ...  
June: ...uhhh  
Dave: these fucking phones man i tell you  
Dave: hiding their color options like its easter sunday  
Dave: god damn scavenger hunt through a dozen layers of menu for that rainbow lookin egg fresh from the rabbits asshole  
Dave: oh fuck yeah found it turns out it was under audio video settings  
Dave: crack that bad boy open oops nope that just changes the color of the desktop background  
Dave: now ive got egg juice all over my hands and another ten minute treck through the ux equivalent of pans fucking labyrinth ahead of me just to change a hex value  
Dave: seriously we know the titular crocker of the corp that makes these phones i dont get how this is still a problem  
Dave: anyway whats up  
June: wow  
June: I don't really know what to say to you???  
June: like it's nice to read another classic Strider rant I guess, 8ut this isn't, uh  
Dave: yeah no i get it its weird for me to act all characteristically chill after i stole my roommates phone in the middle of what looked like an important conversation just to text you  
Dave: speaking of which terezis back? damn thats wild  
June: yeah, it is.  
June: so what, uh  
June: what is this?  
Dave: okay heres the skinny  
Dave: wow thats some shit i just said  
Dave: what even is the skinny like whys the truth gotta be fatphobic  
Dave: heres the large  
Dave: thats even worse goddamn language fucking sucks huh  
June: Dave  
Dave: look im stalling okay  
Dave: obviously im stalling  
Dave: like a prized horse at the big race stuck in their tracks just waiting for  
Dave: fuck me  
Dave: okay  
Dave: ive been thinking a lot about the other day  
Dave: like a lot a lot  
Dave: like nonstop think party just brooding 24/7  
Dave: dude i  
Dave: wait is it okay if i call you dude  
June: I'd prefer not?  
Dave: cool cool  
Dave: dudette i  
June: no  
Dave: fuck man youre really  
June: no "man" either  
Dave: ah shit  
Dave: i really gotta work on my word choices huh that shits hells of problematic  
Dave: anyway friend  
Dave: i fucking suck  
June: ...  
Dave: and i dont mean that in the gay way  
Dave: ok so theres definitely some freudian fucking issues in there but were gonna skate right on by that like a sad teen around a running shower  
Dave: point is i suck  
Dave: youre my friend and i dont know what the hell i was thinking  
Dave: vriska things buck wild and hard to swallow but kk was like dude do you even remember half the shit weve been through like come the fuck on  
Dave: and when i thought about it it was like  
Dave: damn yeah jade got mind controlled by a fish once  
Dave: a version of me from an offshoot universe became a bird and then fused with a dead alien cat girl and now theyre fighting ghosts or something equally stupid  
Dave: like that is some shit that happened to us isnt it  
Dave: so yeah when i put it into perspective like that i basically feel like a dunce  
Dave: all crouched in the corner with a big white traffic cone on my head  
Dave: everyone laughing at me like i shit myself in front of the entire class  
Dave: which lets be real thats basically what i did  
June: what the fuck is your deal with shit tod8y???  
June: you and Karkat both, it's weird!!!!!!!!  
Dave: everybody shits june theres no reason to be a prude about it  
Dave: look youre my best friend and id be an idiot if i just like  
Dave: stopped being that  
Dave: just because your gender did a kickflip and now youre a girl  
Dave: even just saying that im like yo thats the illest fuckin move that ever got seen with eyes  
Dave: can you imagine what kind of dipshit loser youd have to be to witness that hellaciously metaphorical skateboard trick and then be like nah im good peace out  
Dave: thats a fuckin cop if i ever saw one june  
Dave: you cant trust a guy isnt moved to tears by the birdmans craft  
Dave: damn karkats over here weeping like he just watched titanic again  
Dave: dude chill im just having a heartfelt feel sesh with my sis  
Dave: not like sister obviously were not related  
Dave: sis as in bro except it doesnt throw your gender under the proverbial bus thats always waiting out of frame to run a motherfucker down in a painfully ironic way  
Dave: so i been talking here for approximately a thousand years you wanna chime in or something cause im starting to get a little nervous  
June: yeah sorry,  
June: I w8sn't really expecting, uhh  
June: this??? to just. happen????????  
June: I'm really...  
June: are you guys 8usy? I'd really like to do our first convers8ion over again now that we're all sort of on the same page...  
Dave: are you kidding were literally never busy  
Dave: well be there asap as possible june  
Dave: hope youre ready for a fuckin hug the size of jupiter because that shits coming straight for your moody ass  
Dave: hey is jupiter still a thing i dont remember if we brought the rest of the solar system with us  
Dave: kinda sucks for aspiring astronauts if not   
Dave: little kid looks out into the stars like dang its just this one rock huh oh well guess ill become an accountant  
Dave: anyway i love you  
Dave: cant wait to see this haircut everyones been texting about  
June: yeah it's  
June: you'll defin8ly get a kick out of it.  
Dave: sick  
Dave: see you soon windy cowgirl  
June: ...  
Dave: look they cant all be gold star references okay give me a break  
June: and let you get away with murder? as if.  
Dave: whatever you say sis  
Dave: see you  
June: <3  
Dave: damn girl i know im irresistible but lets get dinner first  
June: fuck you, Dave.  
Dave: fuck you too june  
Dave: <3

I plop my head back and click the phone off. everything is too much right now. 8ut for once it's... good? like, a good too much? I can feel a few wayward tears still stinging my cheeks 8ut I actually think I was entirely dry by the time Dave fucking roundhouse kicked me with that surprise revers8l.

He w8sn't even on the 8genda today!!!!!!!!

  


I'm so... 

  


I just,

  


  


Terezi are you listening?

Heeeeeeeey!

  


  


damn it.

  


I need 8nother hug. I want to kiss my girlfriend. Honestly I'd like to do more than th

Someone knocks.

June: when did you guys get so quick? hope you two are re8dy for

  


is that a fucking bro8ot?

  


  


  


look down,

  


and

  


oh,

  


  


  


th8t's a sword

  


  


  


  


  


in my gut?

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


oh shit

  


  


the brobrot pushes me 8ack into the opposite wall, hard enough that the sword sticks in a stud on the other side of my very soft newly-imp8led innards OW F8CK ME THIS HURTS SO MUC

Do I have your attention now, Egbert?

Good.

Let me tell you what's going to happen next.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


\----

  
  


This nutrition block is small and smells disgustingly pastel. Whoever their interior decorator was deserves to be stabbed through the abdomen and left to die in a soggy ditch.

Kanaya: So This Is Awkward  
Terezi: 1 KNOW R1GHT  
Terezi: TH3S3 CR4ZY K1DS 4ND TH31R 3MOT1ON4LLY CH4RG3D V3ND3TT4S  
Kanaya: How Long Do You Think It Will Take Them To Hug It Out  
Terezi: 1 WOULD B3 SURPR1S3D 1F TH3Y H4V3N'T 4LR34DY  
Terezi: JUN3 PUTS ON 4 TOUGH F4C3 BUT SH3'S B4S1C4LLY 4 B1G S4CK OF T34RS 1N 4 V3ST  
Kanaya: Sounds Like Someone Else We Know  
Terezi: H4H4  
Terezi: SO HOW DO3S 1T F33L B31NG TH3 T3RM1N4LLY BOUND M4T3SPR1T OF 4N 4L13N W1TCH YOU WROT3 F4NF1CT1ON 4BOUT WH3N YOU W3R3 4 CH1LD??  
Kanaya: I Wish I Could Say That It Was Riddled With Conflict And Strife  
Kanaya: Unfortunately We Are Very Happy And Have Been Living Extremely Boring Lives Together  
Kanaya: Nothing Unexpected Ever Happens Barring The Occasional City Emergency Or Crisis Of Identity  
Kanaya: It Is Actually The Least Interesting Role I Have Ever Inhabited In My Life  
Terezi: WOW  
Terezi: TH4T SOUNDS 4M4Z1NG  
Kanaya: It Is  
Kanaya: In Fact This Is So Far A Better Life Than Any I Could Have Dreamed Up Back Home  
Kanaya: What About You  
Kanaya: How Could This Possibly Be Something That Happened  
Terezi: 1T'S H4RD TO 3XPL41N  
Terezi: WH1CH 1S WHY 1T WORKS  
Terezi: 1'V3 4LW4YS H4D BL4CK 1NCL1N4T1ONS TOW4RD 3GB3RT  
Kanaya: What A Wild And Unanticipated Revelation  
Kanaya: How Did I Not See This Coming  
Kanaya: Truly You Are The Master Of Secrets  
Terezi: >:|  
Kanaya: That Was What Humans Call Sarcasm  
Terezi: 1 KNOW WH4T 1T W4S  
Terezi: JUN3 1S  
Terezi: TH3R3'S SOM3TH1NG BOTH D1SGUST1NG 4ND D3L1C1OUS 4BOUT H3R  
Terezi: 1T'S 4 QU4L1TY TH4T CH4RMS M3 3NOUGH TH4T 1 FORG3T 4BOUT  
Terezi:  
Terezi: >:x  
Kanaya: Vriska Has A Habit Of Dominating Us Doesn't She  
Terezi: W3LL  
Kanaya: I Didn't Mean It That Way And You Know It  
Kanaya: Speaking Of Which  
Kanaya: Did You Ever  
Kanaya: Find Anything  
Terezi: 1  
Terezi: THOUGHT 1 D1D 4 F3W T1M3S  
Terezi: BUT 1T'S 4 T4NGL3D BROK3N CULL F3ST1V4L OUT 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3  
Terezi: 3NGL1SH D1D SO M4NY NUMB3RS ON R34L1TY 1 LOST COUNT  
Kanaya: I See  
Kanaya: So Why Did It Take You So Long To Come Back

I remember being cold and empty, so tired I could never sleep. Surrounded by shards of tangible space that might pass through you or eviscerate you, I didn't know which and I wasn't interested in learning. Hollow hunger so everywhere my innards even gave up eating themselves. Out there in silence. No taste or smell most of the time. I remember how often I thought to myself that it was as good a place to die as any.

Something changes in the living room, and I turn my attention back to June. She's getting worked up again, so I remind her to inhale.

As I do, I feel something else scratching at the bord3r of my m1nd. wh4t 1s th4t? 1s th4t

Kanaya: Terezi Are You Listening  
Terezi: >:?  
Kanaya: Why Were You Out There So Long If It Was Such A Mess  
Terezi: 1 DON'T W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T  
Terezi: VR1SK4'S 31TH3R D34D OR DO3SN'T W4NT TO B3 FOUND, WH1CH 1S 4LL TH4T TH3R3 1S TO S4Y ON TH3 M4TT3R  
Kanaya: Then What About June  
Kanaya: Things Seem To Have Moved Very Fast For You  
Terezi: TH1NGS 4LW4YS MOV3 F4ST FOR M3, M4RY4M  
Terezi: WHO FUCK1NG KNOWS HOW LONG W3'LL L4ST B3FOR3 TH3 N3XT STUP1D TH1NG TR13S TO K1LL US. 1 JUST W4NT TO DO SH1T UNT1L 1T'S OV3R 4ND TRY NOT TO WORRY 4BOUT 1T  
Kanaya: Did You Find One Of Janes Self Help Books Because This Sounds Like Her Flavor Of Braindead Psychological Autofellation  
Terezi: NO, 1'M JUST TRY1NG TO K33P MY M1ND OFF OF  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: 1 K33P TH1NK1NG TH1S H4S TO STOP SOM3WH3R3, 4ND SOON  
Terezi: BUT 1T K33PS GO1NG  
Kanaya: You Have Only Been Together For A Few Days Though  
Kanaya: I Feel Like You Are Still Well Within The Timeline Of What Humans Call The Honeyed Moon  
Terezi: L1K3 1 S41D, 1 MOV3 F4ST  
Terezi: W1TH1N S3CONDS OF 1N1T14T1NG 4NY SH4D3 OF ROM4NT1C 3NT4NGL3M3NTS W1TH 4NOTH3R P3RSON, 1 KNOW 4LL TH3 MOST L1K3LY OUTCOM3S  
Terezi: WH4T 4RGUM3NTS W3'LL H4V3, HOW M4NY T1M3S W3'LL H4V3 S3X, HOW LONG 1T W1LL T4K3 FOR TH3M TO G3T WH4T TH3Y N33D FROM M3 4ND MOV3 ON TO SOM3ON3 3LS3  
Terezi: M4K3S 1T 34S13R FOR 3V3RYON3 WH3N NO ON3 1NVOLV3D H4S T1M3 TO G3T 4TT4CH3D  
Terezi: TH3 ONLY P3RSON WHO 3V3R S33M3D TO 3V4D3 PROB4B1L1TY W4S VR1SK4  
Terezi: UNT1L JUN3  
Kanaya: So  
Kanaya: Do You Really Think She Has Some Kind Of Real Vriska In Her  
Kanaya: Is That Actually Possible  
Terezi: 1T DO3SN'T M4TT3R TO M3, K4N4Y4  
Terezi: WH1CH 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T'S SO D3L1R1OUSLY UPS3TT1NG 4BOUT OUR R3L4T1ONSH1P  
Terezi: 1T SHOULD M4TT3R TO M3  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T F1GUR3 OUT WHY 1T DO3SN'T  
Terezi: B31NG 4ROUND H3R 1S 1NFUR14T1NG B3C4US3 SH3'S SOM3HOW 4S MUCH 4S BOTH OF TH3M, 1F NOT MOR3  
Kanaya: If I May Venture A Theory  
Kanaya: It Sounds Like She Fills Many Quadrants  
Kanaya: Which Is How It Felt For Me When Rose And I Really Started Canoodling  
Kanaya: It Might Be A Sign That You And June Are Not A Short Fling  
Terezi: TH4T'S DUMB 4ND L4M3, JUST L1K3 YOU  
Terezi: YOU R34LLY H4V3N'T CH4NG3D 4T 4LL  
Kanaya: Yes I Have Terezi  
Kanaya: And So Have You  
Kanaya: We Are All Very Different From Who We Used To Be Despite How Often We Think The Opposite Is True  
Terezi: Y34H  
Terezi: YOUNG T3R3Z1 D3F1N1T3LY WOULDN'T H4V3 FOUND H3RS3LF TH1NK1NG SH3 M1GHT B3

Rose slides the door open. She looks between the two of us with a calm expression that I instantly t4st3 is b4rely holding shape. When she closes the door, she turns her body towards me and breathes in like she's about to say something...

Then she deflates and crumbles, sobbing into her wife's arms so loud that even muffled by her shirt I'm sure that June can hear them. It would be the polite thing to turn my head away, but I'm blind and fully aware of how pathetic Rose looks no matter where my eyes are pointed.

Rose: Kanaya, I

Her voice hitches on every word she tries to say.

Kanaya: Rose What The Fuck  
Terezi: Y34H ROS3 WH4T TH3 FUCK??

Kanaya stabs me with a pungently angry glare.

Rose: I'm a bad person.  
Rose: I am a bad person, Kanaya.  
Rose: Why am I like this?

They pull each other into a closer hug and continue their conversation in whispers, which I can still hear on account of my exceptionally heightened senses, but I should probably check in on June anyway.

Sounds like Dave is at the door. Based on her excitement, the cool kid must have had some really good news! Always knew he had it in hi

FUCK M3

1 GO 1NTO MY SYLL4D3X FOR MY C4N3, BUT 1T'S

NOT TH3R3??

Terezi: FUCK1NG L1TTL3 SH1T THR3W 1T 1N TH3 BUSH3S B3FOR3 TH3 R3TCON!!

ROS3 4ND K4N4Y4 JUMP 4ND S4Y SOM3TH1NG 1RR3L3V4NT 4S 1 T34R THROUGH TH31R K1TCH3N FOR L1T3R4LLY 4NYTH1NG

KN1F3?

Kanaya: Why The Fuck Are You Pilfering Out Kitchenware Terezi

KN1F3K1ND 1SN'T MY SP3C1BUS BUT FUCK 1T TH3R3'S NO T1M3 4S W3 4LL H34R JUN3 SL4MM3D 1NTO TH3 W4LL ON TH3 OTH3R S1D3 OF TH3 K1TCH3N

Rose: What was that?

WH3N 1 SL1D3 TH3 DOOR OP3N, 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING for: multiple descriptions of bodily harm and character death

  


  
  


I'm warm. Vague images d8ncing in my head. Cakes, dice, shadows. Harlequins and 8lood. Smells like rust and candy.

Terezi has an arm over my chest. She breathes with her whole chest, snores quietly. Her glasses are perched halfway up her face. Mouth open, drooling a 8it on my shirt.

Her hair is such a mess, but even compared to her first night here it's... fuller? The skin on her arms isn't as chalky or pallid. How does she bounce back so fast? I'd fall apart under that kind of stress. I would have faded away a long time ago if I was her.

I glance at the closed door of my 8edroom. Why did I close it? There's no need for privacy. No one else here 8ut us.

This 8ed is too small for two. Funny, it never occurred to me that we could migr8 to my dad's old room. Could take down his stuff, fill the walls with some colorful 8ullshit. Terezi would proba8ly like that.

I'm scared to go in there, though. Why am I scared?

Terezi: W41T  
Terezi: TH3R3'S 4 B1GG3R B3D 1N TH1S FUCK1NG HOUS3??  
June: AAH  
June: when did you wake up????????

She sits up, adjusts her glasses, clicks her tongue a few times to get it wet again. Hair's tousled adorably, s8liva still on her chin.

Terezi: JUN3, YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TH1NK QU13TLY  
Terezi: YOU R34L1Z3 1'V3 N34RLY F4LL3N OFF TH1S UND3RS1Z3D W1GGL3R M4TT 3X4CTLY S1XT33N T1M3S TOD4Y 4LON3, R1GHT??  
June: there's no way that's true.  
Terezi: YOU K33P DOUBT1NG M3 D3SP1T3 TH3 F4CT TH4T 1'M 4LW4YS R1GHT  
June: yeah whatever! you thought my 8ar soap was a dessert!!  
Terezi: JUST B3C4US3 YOU DON'T C4LL 1T FOOD DO3SN'T M34N 1T 1SN'T 3D1BL3 OR CONT41NS NO NUTR1T1ON4L V4LU3  
Terezi: YOUR L1M1T3ED HUM4N FL4VOR P4L3TT3 1S 4 D33PLY SUBJ3CT1V3 L3NS TH4T BORD3RS ON TH3 HORR3NDOUSLY X3NOPHOB1C  
June: oh, here we go.  
Terezi: DON'T B4CKS4SS M3 JUN3 3GB3RT  
June: whatever you s8y, mom.  
Terezi: >:1  
June: what?  
Terezi: 1'M TRY1NG TO D3C1D3 1F TH4T'S S3XY OR D1STURB1NG  
June: hey, some people are in to mommies! I think I remem8er Jake saying  
Terezi: 1F YOU CR4FT 4 S3XU4LLY SUGG3ST1V3 S3NT3NC3 TH4T 1NCLUD3S 31TH3R J4K3 3NGL1SH OR "MOMM1ES" 3V3R 4G41N, 1 4M GO1NG TO DUMP YOU, SL1T YOUR THRO4T, DR1NK YOUR C4NDY COLOR3D BLOOD WH1L3 TH3 L1F3 DR41NS SLOWLY FROM YOUR BODY, TH3N FUCK OFF B4CK TO P4R4DOX SP4C3 TO VOLUNT4R1LY HURL MYS3LF 1NTO TH3 N34R3ST SOL4R BODY  
June: damn.  
Terezi: 4NYW4Y WHY 4R3N'T W3 1N YOUR GU4RD14N NONLUSUS WH4T3V3R'S B3D  
June: oh...  
June: I dunno. I can't remem8er the last time I even went in there. it's my dad's space, you know? feels weird inv8ding it.  
Terezi: YOUR D4D'S D34D  
Terezi: H3 H4S NO CL41M OV3R H1S FORM3R T3RR1TORY  
June: wow, thanks for that.  
June: very comforting.  
Terezi: 1 W4SN'T TRY1NG TO COMFORT YOU  
Terezi: 1F YOU W4NT M3 TO DO TH4T 1 C4N  
Terezi: BUT R1GHT NOW PROB4BLY 1SN'T TH3 T1M3 FOR 4 H34RTF3LT CRY S3SS1ON  
June: ok, I know I cry a lot these d8ys but do you really have to  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO CRY 4BOUT 1T  
June: >:(  
Terezi: 1 JUST WOK3 UP WH4T DO YOU W4NT FROM M3  
Terezi: 1'M GO1NG TO GO SCRUB MY MOUTH W1TH 4 ST1CK COV3R3D 1N 4 D34D 4N1M4L'S H41R  
June: I don't think that's wh8t they make them out of anym  
Terezi: TH3N WH3N YOU'R3 DON3 SCR4P1NG S3V3R4L SM4LL KN1V3S 4CROSS YOUR T3ND3R FL3SH, W3'R3 GO1NG TO G3T TH1S D1S4ST3R ON TH3 RO4D

oh right. the plan.

June: ...yeah. ok.

I kiss her on the cheek, and we 8oth kinda laugh. may8e it's more of a giggle? jeez. I watch her leave the room in nothing 8ut boxer shorts, which really do look incredible on her. weird that it's like... ok8y? for me to stare at her 8utt?? Any other time in my life I'd have politely looked away and pretended I didn't exist. Gotta give her privacy, don't want her to think I'm a perv. 8ut Terezi would think it was rude if I DIDN'T ogle her.

Amazing how all it takes is one decent person to show you that sexuality is okay, actually.

My stom8ch growls at me. Hey, do we have any food? Oops. Keep forgetting that part. Ok, time to get up, see if I can scrounge something together.

Slip out of 8ed, streeeeeeeetch, find some old sweatpants to change into. Rub my face, try to ignore the thin layer of sand paper on my chin. Jeez, it's a good thing dad taught me to groom myself every day, otherwise this 8eard shadow maintenance thing would 8e real demoralizing.

Dad. Hm.

I wander out into the hall and stop 

  
  


there's his room.

  
  


Door's closed. got some faded oil stains on it. I should just walk past 8ut

I turn the handle and push the door open. it's d8rk inside. st8le 8ir. just st8nding here 8t the threshold. wonder8ng wh8t I'll see. kn8wing what 8'll see.

flip the switch.

light c8mes on. one of the 8ul8s is 8usted. not really enough light to fill the corners, 8ut...

there it is. huge 8ed, tiny closet, a few pictures on the wall, dresser covered in stray shaving equipment. standing in the doorway, w8ing for something to happen. waiting for memories to hit me. waiting for a feeling that doesn't come. then all that fear just kinda... evapor8s.

  


It's just a room.

just a place.

  


Terezi slips her arms around my stomach from 8ehind and presses her he8d against my neck.

Terezi: SORRY 1 W4S SN1PPY  
Terezi: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO D34L W1TH TH1S R1GHT NOW, BUT 1F YOU W4NT TO, 1'M H3R3  
Terezi: 1 WON'T 3V3N M4K3 FUN OF YOU 1F YOU CRY

I can't think of anything to say in response, so I just... step inside.

8nd it's

June: I don't know wh8t I expected.  
June: ghosts? a monster?  
June: 8ut there's nothing here.

I sit on the corner of dad's 8ed. It's longer, wider, further up off the ground than mine. it's a grown-up's 8ed if ever there was one. the quilt on top is covered in dust.

did Nanna make this quilt?

Terezi follows me and wanders around, le8ning in to sniff o8jects on his dresser and bedside table. she curls up her nose.

Terezi: 1 C4N B4R3LY T3LL WH4T 4NYTH1NG 1S UND3R 4LL TH1S SH3DD3D SK1N  
June: heh. yeah, it's pretty dusty in h

she plops on the bed, sending a cloud of dust in the air so thick we can 8arely see. I start coughing as I try to wave it out of my f8ce. Terezi sneezes with alarming loudness. ugh, this is a mess, we should just

oh, that's right. I'm a god.

I summon a g8le that swirls around us, concentr8ing the dust in a little mass in front of us. tongues of wind spread to every corner as I push it out of the room. a picture falls off the wall. a can of shaving cream rolls off the dresser and into the hallway. I can hear it 8ounding down the stairs.

the air is clear again. looking around the room, everything's a little 8righter... but it's all still as grey as ever. even clean, it feels like a de8d place. like no one real has ever lived here.

Terezi pinches the 8ack of my shirt and pulls me down so my head rests on her tummy.

Terezi: "TUMMY"??  
Terezi: YOU 4R3 N3V3R 4LLOW3D TO M4K3 FUN OF 4LT3RN14N T3RM1NOLOGY 3V3R 4G41N  
June: you still think it's cute.  
Terezi: >:]  
June: ...  
June: sigh.  
June: it's disappointing how little this 8ffects me.  
June: I kinda figured there would be some rush of emotions and regret.  
June: and like yeah, there's some of th8t?  
June: part of me wonders what dad would have thought of me now. he'd pro8ably have some opinions about my hair cut.  
June: 8ut he was killed so long ago it 8asically doesn't matter anymore.  
June: it's actually...  
June: I think I came in here hoping it would m8ke me sad?  
Terezi: >:?  
June: it's 8een nice these last couple days.  
June: being with you...  
June: uh  
June: hahahaha, just hanging out with you has 8een so nice!  
June: like, too nice??  
June: there's got to 8e another shoe that's w8ing to drop sooner or l8r. this feeling just can't last.  
June: so I thought if I came in here, I could feel like shit again so if something happens it... wouldn't affect me? I guess?  
June: what's up with that?  
Terezi: WH3N YOU'R3 D3PR3SS3D FOR 4 LONG T1M3, 1T ST4RTS TO F33L S4F3  
Terezi: YOU C4N'T F4LL 4NY LOW3R 1F YOU'R3 4LR34DY 4T TH3 BOTTOM  
June: yeah...  
June: huh.  
June: you know, I used to dre8m of feeling better?  
June: I'd wake up from thoughts of getting to 8e myself and think, I dunno what the heck TH8T was! dreams of like... laying outside, listening to the wind in the le8ves. not alone, but not... crowded?  
June: like I could 8reathe.  
June: like finally the air wasn't so crowded and I could just...  
June: fill my lungs, and not worry a8out anything. not think about anything.  
June: really 8oring stuff like that! so mundane. it never made sense to me why I woke up from those dreams wanting to cry.  
June: so I shook them off and tried not to think a8out it. wrote them off as childish fantasies, not the dre8ms of a REAL m-  
June: uh,  
June: man.  
June: no one is ever h8ppy, right?  
June: like... that's not a thing people just get to be.  
June: and yet, here I am.  
June: I'm happy.  
June: and all this stuff th8t used to make me sad just...  
June: doesn't matter anymore.

I turn my head and look up at Terezi. her head's propped up on a pillow, face pointed at the ceiling. she's got a hand in my hair, massaging my sc8lp. she looks like someone I used to know. someone from another world, in another universe. someone I hurt. she also looks like a girl who 8ullied me to death once, but in a nice way. all these memories are swimming around in my head, mixing up.

I settle 8ack and stare at this unfamiliar yet familiar ceiling. we sit in silence for a while and just... breathe.

we could stay like this forever if we re8lly wanted to.

Terezi: W3 H4V3 TO B3 1NCR3D1BLY C4R3FUL  
June: I know.  
Terezi: ON3 WRONG MOV3, ON3 STR4Y THOUGHT, 4ND TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 1S FUCK3D  
June: that's why I h8ve you.  
June: :::;)  
Terezi: 1 C4N DO 4 LOT, JUN3  
Terezi: BUT 1 C4N'T DO 3V3RYTH1NG  
Terezi: 1F TH1S 1S GO1NG TO WORK, YOU H4V3 TO M41NT41N T3R3Z1 PYROP3 L3V3LS OF D1SC1PL1N3  
June: heh.  
Terezi: DO YOU TH1NK YOU C4N DO 1T??  
June: honestly, who fucking knows.  
June: do you think I c8n do it?  
Terezi: >:]  
June: not that it matters. it's not like I re8lly have a choice, right? whatever I can or can't do, it's what I have to do.  
Terezi: YOU H4V3 S3V3R4L V3RY SH1TTY CHO1C3S, JUN3   
Terezi: 1D34LLY W3'D RUN THROUGH 3V3RY SC3N4R1O 1N L4BOR1OUS 4ND BR41N M3LT1NG D3T41L   
Terezi: BUT TH3 LONG3R W3 W41T, TH3 MOR3 L1K3LY 1T 1S TH4T D1RK W1LL F1GUR3 US OUT

I slide up so I'm sitting against the 8ackboard, and Terezi follows me. 

She holds my hand. I hold hers.

June: right.  
June: let's fuck this moth8rfucker the fuck up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Let me tell you what's going to happen next.

You're going to go back and undo all of this.

No Terezi, no volcano, and no come to Jegus moment with your fellow Betas. You're going to take that weak plan of yours and forget that it ever happened.

And then you're going to wait for me to tell you w

fuck off Dirk AAHGGHhh holy shit that sword hurts 8 LOT more when it moves

That's the idea. Please don't interrupt me again.

You're going to go back and wait for me to tell you what to do.

I know you have objections to this demand, and most likely you're just going to put up a fight anyway. That's the only reason I'm taking the time to lay this out for you, because I'm hopeful that you'll see reason and save both of us the trouble of another superfluous anime rival battle.

Right now, things are going well for you. You've stabilized a little, gone soul searching, figured out some of your sexual hangups. You might even think that you've made some kind of permanent progress. But sooner or later, you're going to slip on the proverbial banana peel into a pile of dead friends that you made with your own hands. You must know that that's a fact by now.

We have the same goal, Egbert, hard as it might be for you to believe. We want our friends to live long and happy lives, and we want our world to go on spinning for just as long as it can. There are a number of obstacles in the way of that, and I was prepared to deal with all of them.

Until you showed up.

You are very easy to kill. At this point, I don't think you're capable of a single action that wouldn't clock as either Heroic or Just. And seeing as you've rapidly become the greatest obstacle to our shared agenda, killing you seems like an obvious choice.

Except that you still have a role to play.

That is your one saving grace, Egbert. That's your bulletproof armor. In spite of everything, I need you alive. So I'm extending you this opportunity to choose for yourself how that role is fulfilled. Don't mistake me, however. I don't need your volition. In fact, letting you keep it at all is an incredible risk on my part. But despite all evidence to the contrary, I don't actually enjoy hurting people. I don't like that this is what I have to do.

You've had a good day, and you deserved that. But this life doesn't get to be anything more than a hypothetical. Not if you truly intend to keep them safe.

So you're going to undo everything you've done, and you're going to wait for someone smarter than you to lead you by the neck to your destiny. Understood?

You get precisely one chance to do this. If you don't, I'm going to fuck up your entire shit.

ple8se

Three.

why are you doing th8s

You know why. Two.

it doesn't h8ve to 8e

Yes, it does. One.

ST8P!!!!!!!!

There's Terezi in the kitchen with a butcher knife, and there's another brobot in the doorway to blast her in the chest with a photon beam. There she goes! That's a rather large hole, don't you think? Probably won't be getting up from that one.

Oh, this riles you right up, doesn't it Egbert? What a nerdy thing to kill your girlfriend with. Which is an interesting insult coming from a failed computer programmer whose sole defining characteristic is a love of films that everyone else in the universe knows are irredeemably dogshit. I feel like there's an appropriate analogy somewhere about glass houses and black kettles, but damn if it isn't escaping me.

You really do cry a lot, don't you? I suppose it's merited in this case. You and Terezi seemed to really have something for a minute there. I actually thought she might calm you down enough to make this intervention unnecessary. But no, of course she turned out to be just as meddlesome as you. 

What are you waiting for? If this villainous diatribe is pissing you off so much, why don't you zap yourself back and end it? It's not going to get better. If you keep stalling, other people die. That's how this plays out.

How many more of our friends do I need to kill before you get the message?

And here comes Rose and Kanaya. Don't they make such a good couple?

June: run  
June: R8N

When Kanaya revs her chainsaw and leaps at the brobot that just killed Terezi, she gets a blast of her own. Ah, and now Rose is pulling out her wands. This hurts, Egbert. Are you really going to make me kill my own ectobiological daughter?

Last chance for her. You know this death will be Heroic. 

It's charging.

Come on. Stop stalling.

ha

ye8h, ok

I gra8 the head of the ro8ot that fucking STAB8ED ME with 8oth hands and kick its body so hard it det8ches and flies across the room. then I turn and throw the h3ad at Rose

she ducks out of its way just in time to 8void your god d8mn laser tag bullshit, then magics the fucking ro8ot with her wand until it explodes

Rose kneels next to Kanaya, shakes her. she's saying something 8ut I can 8arely

I y8nk the sword ouT OF MY SSSSSSSSIDE FUCK TH8T IS A 8AD PAIN okay ok ok okay get up off my knees, hold on to the sword, 8e ready.

Rose looks at me with tears in her eyes.

Rose: June, what's happening?

don't think about the pl8n don't think a8out the plan don't

Oh?

June: it's Dirk. get up, he isn't finished.  
Rose: Why would he do this?  
Rose: This makes no sense!  
June: you're fucking r8 a8out that, huh!!  
June: Dirk's a nerd and a 8itch and he's a8out to get his SHIT stomped in!!!!!!!!

bro8ots 8ust in through the walls from three directions, firing their photo lasers or whatever they're called. oh no, we can't dodge it, we can't 8lock the lasers, this is re8lly 8ad!!

except, oh w8, I'm 8asically the 8addest motherfucker who ever lived. how could I forget that???

Was that supposed to sound cool? This is just embarrassing.

I zap Rose out of the way, 8egin a huge swing of this sword, and then zap next to each of the bro8ots in quick succession. finish my swing in the middle of the room. moment of quiet 8efore they all explode.

holy shit that was cool

Hmm.

Okay, yes, that was impressive. Not particularly artful, but an interesting invocation of bushido principles and

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HE8D YOU DWEE8

June: Rose you need to le8ve RIGHT fucking now 8efore

a met8l fist collides with my face so hard I fly through a fucking w8ll DIRK I'M GOING TO KILL YOU I RE8LLY H8 GETTING PUNCHED

These are drones, June. They're a dime a dozen, and I have infinity dimes. So many dimes I can't give them away. This is such a pointless fight I'm honestly bored that I even have to humor it with my attention. I know how this is going to end, and you're being a dumpass if you think it can happen any differently.

I try to get up 8ut the thing has me pinned in a pile of ru88le which is, you know I didn't miss this feeling! still not one I love

Rose is doing her level best with her very real magic, but it isn't enough. One of my brobots comes up behind her and

Karkat: FUCK YOU

God damn it.

Kark8t crosses a sickle str8 through the middle of the thing and it explodes. Yes! Fuck yes!! 

June: I LOVE YOU K8RK8T  
Karkat: I LOVE YOU TOO I GUESS??

8uuuuuuuut then he cr8shes into Rose and they go tum8ling to the ground, ugh, come on, this is

Dave stabs the 8ot on top of me and throws it aside, then pulls me up from the ruined carpet. oh geez, I think I broke a ri8? oh that's not good

Dave: yo what the fuck  
June: it's 8 long story th8t you're re8lly gonna h8 8ut right now you and Rose H8VE to get out of here!!  
Dave: woman we arent about to leave you to this shit by yourself what do you think this is baby bullshit coward hour  
June: Dave I love your spir8 8ut there's NO TIME

then the room fills up with 8ro8ots, 8ecause of COURSE it does. as Karkat stum8les up off rose, one of the bots slams into him and pins his 8ody to the wall. Rose is screaming as she fills the house with light and energy, cutting machines to 8its in every direction.

when another wave of bots burst in, Dave stands next to her and they fraymotif the same 8last multiple times in a single moment. holy shit I'm gl8d that 8oy changed his mind early!!!!!!!!

I throw Dirk's sword on a gust of wind, shishka8obbing two machines together and sending them flying through the window of a neighbor's house across the street. ooops oops sorry I

FFFFUCK now a bot has its HAND in my GUT WOUND, I scre8m and let loose a 8arrage of razor thin gusts that slice the one in front of me to pieces, 8ut not 8efore it slams the 8ack of my head into a wooden 8eam. I crum8le to the ground, legs are shaking, feeling dizzy. can't focus, h8ve to, have to focus

Dave and Rose are 8ack to 8ack in a corner. every attack seems to get a little we8ker? Karkat's doing his 8est to cut into the bot on top of him but he can't seem to get any good leverage. Dave looks in his direction and makes to help, 8ut then several more machines koolaid man beside him, he and Rose are immediately tackled to the floor, 8odily pinned at every extremity, heads pressed hard into the ru8ble fuck fuck fuck me fuck me

he's doing something to them, they shouldn't be this we8k, they shouldn't

just as I try to get up, I get kicked in the chin and fall onto my 8ack in a daze. it presses a he8vy metal foot hard into my ri8cage and, I think something, pops? that's not, good,,

everything goes still

Are you satisfied? You've put up a good fight, you did your best, now you can admit defeat with dignity and end this whole fucking charade.

fuck you and the ugly ass horse you rode in onnaaahhhhhhhh this stupid rock em sock em dipshit drags me up to my kn8es oh woww that's, a lot of 8lood that isn't, in me, anymor e

What's this? Oh, interesting. What could that machine possibly be doing with your arm, there? I swear I'm not telling it to do that. If I remember correctly, that's your arm-breaking arm, isn't it? Well would you look at that, seems this particular brobot has one of those, too.

June: AAAHHHGHH

Ouch. Sorry about that, I don't know what came over that one. You never can tell with these machines, they can be so undisciplined.

Now, back to business.

Retcon this travesty, or I kill someone else.

ohhhhhhhhohohohohohohoho you you YOU I swe8r to

Dave: hey so did someone kill dirk and take control of his fucking robot army that he apparently has  
Dave: rose june what the hell happened  
Rose: They killed Kanaya.  
Rose: They killed Terezi.  
Rose: THEY KILLED MY WIFE.

something fizzles and cracks around her, like she's a8out to explode with power. oh shit she's going grimdark

But before she does, the machine holding her down smashes her head against the floor hard enough to knock her unconscious.

Dave: did caliborn yeet himself into our universe because this is some shit hed do and id honestly love to crack a green goblin skull all the way open right about now  
Dave: the fuck  
Dave: kk you ok  
Karkat: NO DAVE  
Karkat: WHATEVER STATE OF PAIN AND INTERNAL INJURY I'M IN RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T FUCKING SAY I'D EVER CALL IT "OK"  
Dave: sick  
Dave: june can you hear me  
June: owwwwwwwwfuck ye8h Dave I c8n hear you  
Dave: how are you doing over there  
June: gut sta88ed with a 8roken fucking arm but otherwise peachy keen  
Dave: hell yeah  
Dave: alright lets  
Dave:   
Dave: somethings not right  
Karkat: YOU THINK??  
Dave: no i mean with me  
Dave: my time shits not working anymore  
Dave: june you gotta zap back and warn us or some shit im really feeling like this is a dead fucking end  
June: I can't, th8t's exactly what he wants  
Dave: he  
June: YES, HE!! who the fuck do you think????????  
Dave: no way dirks an unpredictable dude but this is fucking psychotic  
June: th8t's the point! he's trying to force me to

the 8ot propping me up punches my gut hard enough to knock the wind out of my lungs and I c8n't, I feel like I c8n 8arely 8reathe

Karkat: I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS  
Karkat: DAVE I AM REALLY NOT PREPARED FOR THIS  
Dave: chill kk everthings fine we got this  
Karkat: IT REALLY DOESN'T SEEM LIKE WE'VE GOT THIS, STRIDER  
Dave: nah dude come on  
Karkat: DAVE I'M NOT LIKE YOU I WON'T COME BACK IF I DIE HERE  
Karkat: HOLY SHIT DAVE I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN ROSE'S FUCKING PARLOR  
Dave: come on kk  
Dave: just

is Dave crying? oh god is Karkat crying???????? oh 8uddy no I can't take that!! I really can't afford to cry right n

Karkat it is, then.

no no no no NO NO NO NO

June tries to look away, but the brobot makes her watch. What's the point of this whole exercise if it isn't traumatic? How would she learn her lesson otherwise?

Dave:  
Dave:  
Dave:  
Dave:  
Dave:  
June: fuck  
June: fuck you  
June: fuck yoU FUCK YOU F8CK YOU F8CK Y8U FUCK YOU FU8K YOU F8C8 Y8U FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!  
Dave:  
Dave: bro are you listening  
Dave: is this really what youre doing right now  
Dave: shit dude  
Dave: im gonna fucking kill you

What a threat. Might be best to put him out of his misery here and now. Although something tells me this submissive execution would not count as Heroic, which could leave a messy loose end for me if these distractions continue. 

The brobot cracks my little brother on the skull and sends him off to dreamland. Of course, people die of brain damage all the time in altercations like this, but we'll just have to roll those dice. 

See, if I were really sadistic I would just kill him outright anyway. But I don't like the idea of getting his blood on my hands, even if they aren't technically my hands.

June: you 8re  
June: a RE8L piece of shit

And you're the asshole who forced my hand.

But let's not get sidetracked, Egbert. Surely you aren't going to let our friends stay dead? What a rude and cruel thing to do.

There are no more options. You've had your fun. Now get this fucking thing over with.

June: ...  
June: fine  
June: fine

Fine what?

June: I'LL DO WH8T YOU S8Y  
June: I'll do what you s8y, just... let me go.  
June: just let me,  
June: fucking

I'm glad you've finally come to your senses, June.

The bot drops her, and she collapses under her own weight. Blood loss and shattered bones really aren't great for one's structural stability.

So, was this part of your plan? The years in paradox space must have really fried your girlfriend's brain if this was her intent. Whatever. Maybe I'll needle you on the specifics when this is over.

Before you leave, I just want to impress upon you that I didn't enjoy having to do this. I really did not.

Dirk: But I will do it again if I have to.

June looks up and sees me through a hole in the wall. Still bruised and burned, my arm in a cast, but not a single crack in the armor. I give a pleasant little wave and a courteous smile.

You don't phase me, kid. You're just as predictable as the res

Roxy: dirk u fuckin scumbag

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Roxy: u want me 2 do what

Terezi and I are sitting on Roxy's couch, holding hands. She's sitting 8etween us and the TV on one of her steel kitchen chairs. Vintage soap commercials are playing on loop for some reason.

June: we're just asking you to watch him. that's all.  
Roxy: y would i do that  
June: it's... complic8d?  
Roxy: yeah no shit  
Roxy: i luv u n all but dirks my friend im not just gonna  
June: Roxy... he tried to kill me.  
Roxy: wut  
Roxy: y would he do that  
June: it's complic8d!  
Roxy: damn girl ur askin me to spy on a boy ive known most of my life  
Roxy: a whole hell of a lot longer than ive known u fwiw  
Roxy: ur askin me to spy on a boy who saved my life  
Roxy: u just drop by n say th boy i crushed on 4 years tried 2 kill u  
Roxy: n u expect me 2 just like  
Roxy: take yr word 4 it when u say "its complicated"  
Roxy: i can tell u mean business bb but u gotta gimme more than "its complicated"

I open my mouth, 8ut it's hard to know what to say. It's hard to know what to think, even.

Terezi, are we safe?

W3 4R3 N3V3R S4F3  
BUT 1N R3L4T1V3 T3RMS 1 TH1NK 1 W4S R1GHT 4BOUT ROXY

You think????????

1 N3V3R L1K3 TO 4DM1T WH3N 1'M UNC3RT41N, BUT W3'R3 1N V3RY DUMB PROB4B4L1ST1C T3RR1TORY R1GHT NOW  
M4YB3 1 DON'T S3NS3 H1M LURK1NG B3C4US3 ROXY'S VO1D 1S BLOCK1NG H1M  
OR M4YB3 1 DON'T S3NS3 H1M B3C4US3 H3'S 4 SL1MY B1LG3SN4K3 WHO'S R34LLY GOOD 4T H1D1NG  
TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY W4YS FOR TH3 F14T G4MBL1NG D1SCS TO F4LL 1 HON3STLY C4N'T G3T 4 SOL1D R34D ON 4NY OF 1T  
YOU M4Y JUST H4V3 TO 4SK

Aaaaah 8ut that's really suspicious!!

1F H3'S L1ST3N1NG R1GHT NOW, H3'S 4LR34DY SUSP1C1OUS  
TH3R3 1S NO W4Y W3 COULD B3 MOR3 SUSP1C1OUS TH4N W3 4R3 R1GHT NOW  
4ND TH3 LONG3R W3 DR4G TH1S OUT, TH3 MOR3 L1K3LY 1T 1S FOR

Yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yes fine. I guess that has to 8e good enough!

Roxy: yall havin a moment right now r somethin  
Roxy: u been starin at each other like 2 deer in a starin competition 4 like a million hours  
Roxy: just standin n the middle of the road trying not 2 blink while a mac trucks bout 2 hit u  
Roxy: srsly wtf  
June: sorry, we're still a little out of it.  
Roxy: oh ur out of it? dang thats wild i was clockin u as composed af  
Roxy: i no were havin a srs conversation here but whats ur deal terezi  
Roxy: y r u like  
Roxy: here  
Terezi: 1 C4M3 B4CK  
Roxy:   
Roxy: ok that tracks  
Roxy: but i was thinkin more y r u here right now on my couch w june  
Roxy: ur welcome n all but this is startin 2 feel like a rly personal convo n im not sure y june brought u if this is what she wanted 2 talk abt  
June: well I me8n  
June: how do you feel right now with Callie out of the house?  
Roxy: theyre just runnin errands  
June: so you're tot8lly fine without them?  
Roxy: look were partners but we dont spend evry 2nd of evry day 2gether  
Roxy: just most of em  
Roxy: do kinda wish they were here now tho yall got me unsettled   
June: yeah, well. I've 8een unsettled for almost a week now, and Terezi... helps.  
Terezi: 1'M KNOWN FOR MY H3LPFULN3SS  
Roxy: ok  
Roxy: but yall been canoodlin how many days?  
Roxy: me n callieve been 2gether for years  
Roxy: just seems weird u 2 bein so close actin like yalls ship 8n't fresh outta the oven  
June: it's not like we JUST met a week ago, Roxy.  
June: we've alw8ys had, like... a thing?  
Terezi: Y3S, 4 TH1NG  
Terezi: WH4T 4 T4CTFULLY SP3C1F1C PHR4S3 TO US3 1N TH1S S1TU4T1ON  
Terezi: V3RY US3FUL  
Roxy: this playful banters cute n all but im kinda gettin frustrated  
Roxy: im not tryin 2 open a dialog about yalls relationship im sayin u just told me one a my best friends tried 2 kill u n its freakin me out how fuckin casual ur acting  
Roxy: like terezi we been thru a lot but i dont no u that well n its kinda fucked that thisd b our 1st convo after so long  
Terezi: NO, YOU DON'T KNOW M3  
Terezi: BUT YOU KNOW JUN3  
Terezi: SH3 WOULDN'T 3V3N STOP 4 BURGL4R 1F SH3 C4UGHT ON3 LOOT1NG H3R R3SP1T3BLOCK B3C4US3 1T M1GHT S33M RUD3  
Terezi: JUST TH1S MORN1NG SH3 4POLOG1Z3D TO 4 DOOR B3C4US3 SH3 BUMP3D 1NTO 1T TOO H4RD  
Roxy: is that tru  
June: no.  
Terezi: Y3S  
Terezi: MY PO1NT 1S, TH1S G1RL WOULD L1T3R4LLY R4TH3R D13 TH4N B3 4 P41N 1N YOUR 4SS  
Terezi: 1'LL L34V3 1F YOU W4NT M3 TO, BUT YOU KNOW SH3 WOULDN'T L3T M3 T4G 4LONG UNL3SS SH3 THOUGHT 1T W4S N3C3SS4RY  
Roxy: ok fine  
Roxy: then tell me what th fuck is goin on  
June: I'll tell you everything.  
June: 8ut first, I need to ask a favor.  
Roxy: a favor  
Roxy: u fuckin serious  
Roxy: a favor?  
Roxy: im bout 2 kick ur asses outta my trailer  
June: can you do the voidy thing around us?  
Roxy: wut  
June: we're worried th8t he might be listening. Terezi can kind of sense him 8ut it's hit or miss. we need to 8e sure we're alone before we can tell you anything.  
Roxy: ...  
June: I know it sounds p8ranoid but  
Roxy: yeah cause it is  
Roxy: why would dirk spy on u  
June: please? just trust me.

She looks 8etween the two of us, clearly frustr8d. Finally, she rolls her eyes with a sigh and snaps her fingers. Instantly, the image on the TV of two elderly women tossing 8ars of soap back and forth is replaced with the Void emblem.

The room seems to fill with low level static, accompanied by an air pressure change. My e8rs pop.

Roxy: happy?

What do you think?

1 TH1NK TH1S 1S 4S GOOD 4S W3'R3 GO1NG TO G3T

Yeah.

June: thank you. I'm sorry this is  
Roxy: dont apologize june just tell me wuts up  
June: ok.

I lift my chin up and point to my neck.

June: see this scar?

She leans forward.

Roxy: yeah u got that when u went on that bender u wouldnt tell us about  
June: Dirk gave it to me.  
Roxy: wtf  
Roxy: why?  
June: I don't know.  
June: my memory's kinda fuzzy from that night, 8ut I think he was trying to send a message.  
Roxy: the fuck  
Roxy: sry juney im not sayin ur a liar but this is stretchin my limits  
Roxy: y would he need 2 "send u a message??"  
June: I think he's worried I'm going to use my powers to do something 8ad.  
Roxy: uh  
Roxy: wow ok wt actual f does that mean  
Terezi: 1S 1T R34LLY TH4T 1MPROB4BL3??  
Terezi: ROS3 M4Y 4S W3LL H4V3 S41D THOS3 3X4CT WORDS FROM WH4T JUN3 H4S TOLD M3  
Roxy: but june ur like  
Roxy: i mean fuck rezi u said it urself  
Roxy: junes a fuckin teddy bear  
June: what if I'm not anymore?  
June: may8e that's the point. I'm not who I used to 8e.  
June: I know you love Dirk 8ut he's never stopped cramming irons in the fire, and I think he's pissed at me because just 8y existing I've thrown a wrench in that fire.  
Roxy: what wud a wrench do  
June: huh? oh. nothing I guess... I dunno, I w8s mixing metaphors.  
June: point is he put a sword to my thro8t and told me that he had plans, that he'd never stop watching me, and that if I ever did the wrong stuff, he'd punish me.  
June: hell, some of that he said here, in your own kitchen.

She reflexively glances to her left, to the spot where Dirk propped himself up on his sudden unexpected visit just a few days ago.

Roxy: ...  
June: how often does he EVER visit, Roxy?  
June: do you re8lly think it's a coincidence he'd just stop 8y on the one day I happen to have crashed on your couch?

She looks back at us.

Roxy: look  
Roxy: dirks a weird guy  
Roxy: dudes downright inscrutable most a th time  
Roxy: but that dont mean hes capable of  
June: of what? intimid8ing people for mysterious reasons? manipul8ing them so they'll do what he wants?  
Roxy: ...  
June: we're worried that he's up to something, 8ut we h8ve no way of checking without putting ourselves in a lot of danger. all I know is he's 8een territorial enough to literally scar me for life.  
June: look, I'm not asking you to do anything to him, okay? you don't have to 8elieve me. but Terezi thinks  
Terezi: KNOWS  
June: Terezi thinks that your voidy thing hides your thoughts from him.  
Roxy: wait hold up  
Roxy: u sayin dirks psychic  
June: no.  
June: uhhhhhhhh actually! I guess I don't know???  
June: I'm not re8lly sure how it works.  
June: 8ut he keeps showing up in weird places and seems to know a whole lot more than he should. things I've never said out loud.  
June: all we're asking you to do is just follow him around for a few days. judge for yourself what's going on.  
Roxy: i dunno  
Roxy: if this is such a big deal y dont u just go talk 2 him  
Terezi: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK TH4T WOULD 4CCOMPL1SH 4NYTH1NG  
Roxy: y not?  
Terezi: B3C4US3 D1RK N3V3R T4LKS TO 4NYBODY  
Terezi: P3OPL3 3NT3R H1S V1C1N1TY 4ND H3 T4LKS FOR TH3 BOTH OF TH3M  
Roxy: ok yeh thats tru  
June: ple8se, Roxy.  
June: this isn't a prank. I'm not trying to trick you. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't legitim8ly scared.

Roxy glances down the hall to where her and Callie's 8edroom is. Rubs her arm and speaks just above a whisper.

Roxy: dirks always weird abt callie  
Roxy: doesnt ignore them the way jane does, they got history 2gether n i think theyve just grown in different directions  
Roxy: with dirk its different  
Roxy: u no how ull go 2 a doctors office n theyll have a buncha puzzles  
Roxy: n on the bottom shelf theres one thats got like 30 pieces  
Roxy: callies like that to dirk  
Roxy: a puzzle 2 easy 2 b worth his time  
Roxy: never rly know how 2 feel abt that  
Roxy: callie dont mind tho so i try not 2 think abt it  
Roxy: n i still love dirk  
Roxy: i probly always will  
Roxy: but sometimes he looks at me n i cant help but feel like hes tryin to pick a lock r somethin  
Roxy: i dunno

Her face is sad and dou8tful all at once, and she doesn't smile when she smiles. It feels more like an invit8ion to leave.

Roxy: ill think abt it  
June: Roxy, please  
Roxy: i said ill think abt it  
Roxy: calliell be home soon n i want 2 pretend i fell asleep so she can wake me up  
Roxy: so if u wouldnt mind

Then she snaps her fingers again, and the soap commercial marathon resumes. As the static disappears, my ears pop for a second time.

I think to say something else, 8ut Terezi pulls me up off the couch and walks us to the door.

Terezi: TH4NKS FOR TH3 H3LP  
Terezi: OUR N3XT V1S1T W1LL B3 MOR3 PL34SUR4BL3, 1 PROM1S3  
Roxy: the fucks that supposed 2 mean

Terezi smiles and steps outside, 8ut I linger another moment in the doorway. She's still just sitting there. It occurs to me that Roxy almost never leaves this trailer, in the same way that I almost never left my house. She suddenly seems... lonely.

I do my 8est to smile when she cocks an eyebrow at me.

June: whatever you decide to do...  
June: thanks for 8eing on my side. I don't know where I'd be right now if you weren't around.  
June: take care of yourself, Roxy

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Dirk spins 8round and gets clocked right in the noggin by the voidy girl, and he's sent flying into one of the only walls that still looks like a wall. she's wearing waist high jeans and a baggy blouse with the arms rolled up, which doesn't seem like the, uh, 8est com8at attire? guess none of us were really expecting shit to go this nuts though. at least she's got her ninja turtle looking mask on!!

every single part of me is in a lot of p8in, there's a lot of de8d friends 8round I'm trying not to think a8out, 8ut I'm just so overjoyed to see her dorky mom je8ns and very, very angry face

June: th8nk jegus Roxy holy sh  
Roxy: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W U DIRK

from his knees, cradling his shattered cast, Dirk stands up as tall as he can man8ge. his expression is decidedly less cocky now, 8ordering on something closer to

fear? huh. that's new

Dirk: What are you doing here?  
Roxy: thats what ur gonna fuckin say to me rn??  
Roxy: u out of ur goddam MIND strider????  
Roxy: boy u better b fuckin possessed or somethin cause this 8n't gonna end well otherwise  
Dirk: This has nothing to do with y  
Roxy: THE FUCK IT DOESNT  
Roxy: these r our friends n ur  
Dirk: Please, just go back to Calliope and pretend you were never here.

Roxy lets out an outr8ged gasp, clenches her fists, and m8rches right up to Dirk in three rapid steps. he holds his hands up to his chest and makes like he's gonna s8y something in his defense, 8ut she cuts him off with a right hook to the jaw so hard he slams down through the floor, sending a few 8ricks and pieces of wood flying across the room. near as I can tell from my place on the ground as a 8loody crumpled heap of organs, dude is fucking pulverized.

June: holy shit Roxy  
June: I'd applaud 8ut my arm's 8roke  
June: and I think  
June: a lot of other things  
June: it's hard to tell what on account of the 8lood loss

she jumps a little when I t8lk, like she forgot I was here. runs over and kneels next to my little home in the dirt. you know, I said some mean things a8out rub8le earlier, but it's really not so 8ad once you lose sens8ion in your extremities.

now that her fury's found an outlet in putting a Dirk-shaped crater in Rose's found8ion, Roxy has found room for some te8rs. weird th8t I'm, not also crying

Roxy: wtf juney im sorry it took me so long  
Roxy: dirk was just standin a few blocks away like a creep, almost left him there til he started walkin this way  
Roxy: heard the ruckus n came runnin  
Roxy: fuck me r u ok???  
June: o  
June: yeah I'm so gr

the word gets caught on a little 8lood that I spit out onto a cracked and dusty picture of Rose and Kanaya's wedding. or may8e that's actually a lot of 8lood? honestly more than none is proba8ly too much

June: I'm so gr8 it's criminal  
Roxy: what happened??  
June: oh uh  
June: had a good chat with Rose, m8 amends, may8e flirted a little?  
June: then Dirk's robot sta8bed me with a fuckin sword  
June: he killed my girlfriend  
June: he killed Kanaya  
June: Dave and Kark8t showed up and kicked some ass  
June: then he killed Karkat  
June: I think the other two are still alive, just uh, unconscious? may8e concussed, I don't know. I've 8een busy with, uh  
June: dying?  
June: it defin8ly feels like that's what's happening. sorry if that's a little melodramatic  
June: oh I did a cool sword thing once  
June: that,  
June: wow that  
June: that's all the stuff, that,  
June: just happened  
June: fuck  
Roxy: june i  
June: y'know norm8lly I'd 8e crying a lot, right now,  
June: yeah just like that  
June: 8ut I think  
June: I'm so loopy from the stab th8t got done on me  
June: and the many other, sort of, wounds  
June: that I c8n't even fucking tell which way  
June: is upways  
June: aah  
June: haaaaaaaahahaahahhaa

I 8eat my head into the rubble a 8it, and then I scream all the way from my gut, so loud I think my vocal cords 8re tearing apart. clenching the muscles in my gut really doesn't help with the place where my insides are, kinda, 8ecoming the opposite of insides?

8ut I have to scream. can't let my vision fog up, c8n't let the delirium take me. gotta scream 8ecause it's just a8out the only thing in me right now, and if I hold it 8ack I'll just end up thinking

and today, thinking is my enemy.

ok

lungs are empty

head's a 8it clearer

June: cool, th8t's out of my system  
Roxy: juney  
Roxy: im so sorry

try to push myself up off the ground with the less 8roken of the arms that I have. muscles are sore, adrenaline 8arely keeping up with me. Roxy puts my arm over her shoulder and staaaaaaaandsWOW that's some p8in

we ho88le towards where one might im8gine a front door was in some distant past 8efore all this strife I'm feeling VERY light he8ded all of an sudden, oof

a little 8reeze is howling through the perfor8d walls of this quaint little disaster. can't tell if the frame is sw8ying or if it's just me.

June: ok we uh, still have some time so let's

You really are a selfish bitch, Egbert.

fuuuuuuuuck dude come ON

from the hole in the ground where Roxy 8uried him, Dirk stands up. his face is even more 8ruised, tank top's shredded and showing off his hairy abs. no sign of his cast, just a 8are arm that's covered in 8ruises oh hey twinsies what a coincidence

of course his glasses are fucking untouched, except for a small crack just a8ove where Roxy decked him. dude pro8ably scurried around looking for them 8efore making his dramatic return, fuckin loser

Roxy looks at him and stops us in our tracks, which is not the thing we should 8e doing!!

Roxy: stay down dirk

I tap her shoulder fr8ntically 8ecause we're re8lly low on time, like I kinda lost track and

Dirk: This is so fucking stupid.  
Dirk: I hope you're enjoying this hollow victory while it lasts, Egbert, because it doesn't fucking matter. What are you going to do, just let this stand?  
Dirk: What are you waiting for!  
June: I dunno  
June: for you to shut up, may8e?

he stares at me for a moment, arms wide in dis8elief. then he throws his hands into his hair and cranes his neck 8ack, letting out an incredi8ly bitter and frustr8d laugh that turns into a deep-throated gro8n as his hands slide down over his face.

(Dirk: I can't fucking believe these people.)

he 8rings his hands down to his sides. cr8cks his neck. composes himself.

then the Prince of Heart draws his sword.

Roxy: dont u fuckin dare  
Dirk: I dare. She's given me no choice but to dare.

he str8ens his 8ack, holding the sword up with 8oth hands. his 8roken arm is trem8ling some, 8ut it's defin8ly not as bad off as mine

Roxy looks at me, and  
no no no no now is not the time for god DAMN IT  
she sets me down against a crum8ling bit of drywall and torn floral wall paper

June: Roxy we reaaaaaaaally don't h8ve a second to spare right now

the Rogue of Void reveals her own sword. the very s8me one she used to kill the Condesce.

Dirk: Come on, Rox. You have to trust me. I know what I'm doing.  
Roxy: i dont have 2 do shit dirk  
Roxy: u kill our fuckin friends n expect ill just take u at ur word?  
Roxy: this 8n't sburb, u cant just treat us like pawns n act like ur doin us a favor  
Dirk: But that's exactly what we are! Do you really think that just because we beat one game, we magically escaped the board?  
Dirk: You're all too short-sighted to see just how fucked we are if no one grows the balls to do what needs to be done. Somebody has to keep this busted clown car of a universe on track, and I don't see ANY of you stepping up!   
Roxy: u condescendin little  
Roxy: dirk u gotta no how crazy u sound right now  
Roxy: rly 8n't helpin my urge to fuckin cut ur ass  
Dirk: This is pointless. This is a waste of my fucking time.

he looks at me, points his sword 8t my f

I point my katana at her face, and yes, when I growl I'm showing teeth.

Dirk: What happens next is your fault, Egbert.

Then I bound towards Roxy with the blade vertical to my face. She's grounded herself in a wide stance, but she's not trained in the ways of the sword. When she blocks, it's clumsy and weak. When she swings, it's dumb and slow.

I can't believe this is what I'm wasting my time with. I could destroy her in a second, her weaknesses are so obvious a blind troll with a hole in her torso could see them. So what's stopping me? None of it matters, this whole reality is just a bad dream in waiting. Just kill her Dirk, come on, it doesn't matter, come on, COME ON.

She catches my shoulder, sending a sheet of blood down my deltoids and biceps. I'm too distracted. Roxy looks so furious and determined. I wonder, did she make this face when she fought the Condesce on our victory platform?

Why am I thinking about this, stop thinking about this and just get it over with.

Okay, here it is. I block, parry, thrust into a killing blow- but she voids out of the way. Reappears behind me, swings a big ugly swing that really wants to separate my head from my body. Kick my right foot behind me to knock her off balance. Her swing misses by a mile. I spin around and send Roxy flying with a kick to the abdomen. She widens a hole one of my robots made and collides with the grass on the other side.

With a graceful leap I sail towards her, katana horizontal. She's dazed, she has no time to react. Just kill her. Put your steel straight through her heart. Make it quick. This may be a dead end reality but that doesn't mean she needs to suffer.

Just kill her. You can't afford to let her live. You can't afford any liabilities. Aim for her heart you idiot, then make Egbert weep over her until she fixes the fucking mess she made.

Roxy's eyes lock on to mine, and in an instant she realizes that she is about to die.

And she looks

afraid.

With all my forward momentum focused into this perfectly executed thrust, my sword buries itself to the hilt in Roxy's shoulder. As she cries out in pain, I redirect my fall into a dodge roll. I stand up and brush the stray blades of grass off my cargo pants. Outside the Lalonde-Maryam residence, Carapacians are gathered in scattered crowds. Some news crews have set up cameras, and half a dozen well-dressed figures of multiple species are broadcasting their best guess at the reason for this little theopugnacious display.

Damn it. This has gotten entirely out of hand.

I walk towards Roxy and loom where I know she can see me.

Dirk: Stay where you are. Don't move. Don't fight.  
Roxy: make me

My breath hitches through gritted teeth.

Dirk: I really do not understand why it's so hard for you to get how asinine this is.  
Dirk: You're trying to stop me because you want to save June, right? But she's the one who has the power to save everyone else! So all you accomplish by fighting me is delaying their resurrection!  
Dirk: This is so pointless. Just wait here, okay? Wait here and bleed until this idiotic clusterfuck disappears from canon.  
Dirk: You didn't even make for an interesting fight. Stick with your strife specibus next time, Rox.

I remove another katana from my sylladex, sling it over my shoulder, and start to march back towards the house.

Roxy: hey dirk?

I spin around and throw my arms open.

Dirk: WHAT?  
Dirk: What the fuck do you want now?  
Roxy: just wanted 2 say  
Roxy: i may notve put up an interestin fight  
Roxy: but i sure as shit distacted u long enough  
Dirk: ...  
Dirk: What?  
Dirk: What?  
Dirk: This is so stupid. I cannot even begin to fathom how catastrophically imbecilic every single thing about this is.  
Dirk: Why the fuck does that even m

Wait.

I bound back into the house, landing in the middle of the decimated parlor. Roxy's laughing as I spin around, scanning every corner of the room.

Where the fuck is Egbert?

Where are the fucking bodies?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


June: this plan sucks  
Terezi: JUST SHUT UP 4ND G3T 1T OV3R W1TH  
June: wh8t if it doesn't work????????  
Terezi: TH3N R3TCON 1T  
June: yeah I know, I just  
June: I really don't want to do this!  
Terezi: 1S 1T R34LLY GO1NG TO B3 L3SS UPS3TT1NG 1F 1 DO 1T MYS3LF?  
June: that's not the point!!  
Terezi: TH3N WH4T 1S?? WHY 4R3 W3 W4ST1NG OUR T1M3 W1TH MOR3 MOR4LLY GRU  
June: 8tier nav8l gazing etcetera yeah I know TZ I get it, okay??  
June: I know, I know.  
June: functionally it doesn't matter, this is just a test, I get it.  
June: 8ut it shouldn't h8ve to be like this.  
June: the whole point was to avoid seeing more dead friends!  
Terezi: JUN3  
Terezi: YOU M4Y H4V3 TH3 P4RT1CUL4R BURD3N OF R3M3MB3R1NG TH3 3V3NTS OF YOUR R3TCONN3D FUCKUPS  
Terezi: BUT 1 C4N CHOOS3 TO R3M3M3B3R 3V3RY S1NGL3 L1F3 1 H4V3 3V3R L1V3D, 1N 3V3RY CONC31V4BL3 T1M3L1N3 TH4T 3V3R CONT41N3D M3  
Terezi: MOST OF WHOM D13D  
Terezi: 4 LOT  
Terezi: TH1S 1S NOT 4 PL34S4NT 3XP3R13NC3  
Terezi: BUT WH4T TH3 FUCK 4M 1 GO1NG TO DO, S1T 4ND CRY 4BOUT 1T L1K3 SOM3 K1ND OF SQU1SHY 4L13N??  
June: :(  
June: I'm not squishy  
Terezi: 1 4DM1R3 HOW H3S1T4NT YOU 4R3 TO 1NFL1CT 1MM34SUR4BL3 H4RM ON MY BODY, BUT YOU'V3 LOST TH3 LUXURY OF K33P1NG YOUR H4NDS CL34N  
Terezi: BY SOM3 D1SGUST1NG M1R4CL3, W3'V3 4RR1V3D 4T 4 MOM3NT 1N T1M3 WH3N TH3 ONLY SOLUT1ON TO D34D FR13NDS TH4T DO3SN'T 1NVOLV3 R3TCONN1NG YOUR R3C3NT P3RSON4L GROWTH FROM L1V1NG M3MORY 1S MOR3 D34D FR13NDS  
Terezi: 4ND 4G41N, TH1S 1S JUST 4 T3ST TH4T W3'R3 UNDO1NG 4NYW4Y  
Terezi: SO 31TH3R G1V3 M3 SOM3TH1NG TO K1LL MYS3LF W1TH, OR ROLL UP YOUR FUCK1NG SL33V3S 4ND G3T SOM3 BLOOD ON THOS3 SOFT H4NDS OF YOURS  
June: gosh.  
June: after a speech like th8t, how could I NOT want to kill you?  
Terezi: TH4T'S TH3 SP1R1T  
Terezi: WH4T H4V3 YOU GOT?  
June: let me see...  
June: oh  
Terezi: WH4T  
June: all I have is a, um  
June: hhhhhhhhammer?  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: YOU KN3W WH4T W3 W3R3 DO1NG H3R3, JUN3!! 4 H4MM3R 1S TH3 L34ST 3FF1C13NT TOOL YOU COULD H4V3 BROUGHT  
June: I've never done this, ok8y!! I was so nervous a8out it I  
Terezi: 1T'S F1N3, JUST US3 MY C  
Terezi: WH  
Terezi: WH3R3 TH3 FUCK 1S MY C4N3!! >:o  
June: oh  
June: uhhh I think it's,  
June: in the same place 8s your phone?  
Terezi: >>>:[  
Terezi: 1 L1K3D TH4T C4N3  
Terezi: TH4T W4S MY F4VOR1T3 C4N3  
June: come on, you c8n't get mad at me for that one.  
Terezi: 1 C4N 4BSOLUT3LY G3T M4D 4T YOU FOR TH4T ON3  
Terezi: 4ND 4FT3R YOU B4SH MY BR41NS OUT W1TH YOUR FUCK1NG CLOWN H4MM3R, W3'R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 WORDS  
Terezi: 4ND BY WORDS 1 M34N 1'M D3F1N1T3LY GO1NG TO FUCK YOU ON MY CORPS3 1N RETR1BUT1ON  
June: oh, I don't,  
June: really love the sound of that??  
Terezi: COM3 ON JUN3, WH3R3'S YOUR S3NS3 OF 4DV3NTUR3?  
Terezi: YOU ONLY L1V3 ONC3  
Terezi: >;]

Terezi lays down on the te8l stone sla8 as I re8dy the Warh8mmer of Zillyhoo. Wow, she's smiling a8out this!!! holy sh

June: holy shit Terezi you're re8lly fucking cr8zy  
Terezi: YOU ST1LL TH1NK 1T'S CUT3  
June: ::::|

Her smile just gets wider, and I'm,

damn, I'm really nervous??

I lean down, give her 8 kiss on the cheek, stand up, and...

  
  
  


then,

  
  
  
  
  
  


call me Maxwell I guess, because I just killed my girlfriend with a fucking hammer.

  
  


oof. oh gosh. that's a lot of uhh!! it is really viscerally upsetting to just sort of w8tch 8ll those 8its just... squish around?? and

wow I'm gonna vomit

try to look around at literally anything else, but the hollow interior of Prospit isn't ex8ctly providing much to focus on! somewhere out there, a much younger Terezi is standing on the Sgrub victory platform waiting for Karkat to open a door to the universe they just made together with ten other friends. kind of including me???????? that's... a lot to think about.

  


how long is this supposed to t8ke?

  


oh fuck what if this is perm8nent????????

oh this pl8n fucking sucks wh8t were we even think8ng!!!

alright I'm just gonna write this one off as a loss and z8p 8ack oh w8 sh3's glowing

woah holY SHIT SHE'S GLOWING

HOLY FUCK IT WORKED

Terezi: 444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444H  
Terezi: TH4T R34LLY SUCK3D

I wrap my arms around her torso yes OF COURSE I'm crying

June: I'M SO GL8D THAT WORKED  
June: oh god I was fucking worried!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: OF COURS3 1T WORK3D  
Terezi: D1D YOU TH1NK 4LL THOS3 Y34RS 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 FR13D MY BR41N?  
Terezi: YOU KNOW 1'M 4LW4YS R1GHT  
June: holy shit  
June: holY SHIT TEREZI  
June: this look fucking SUITS you!  
Terezi: 1T'S 4LR1GHT  
Terezi: NOW R3TCON MY D34TH 4ND L3T'S G4TH3R TH3 OTH3R MURD3R B3DS  
June: y'know, I don't think I ever knew there w8s a difference 8etween quest beds and sacrificial slabs!  
Terezi: YOU N3V3R W3R3 V3RY B1G ON P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON TO COM1C4LLY OBV1OUS D3T41LS  
June: if it were just me I proba8ly would have dropped you on LOTAF and 8een like, wuhoh, that's no good!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: OBV1OUSLY. TH4T'S WHY 1'M H3R3  
June: hell yeah.  
June: wait, I h8ve an idea.  
June: when I go back, do you think I should avoid telling you a8out your cane?  
Terezi: >:?  
June: this plan's mostly performance, right? which means we need as many convincing details to sell it so our audience 8uys in, by which I mean Dirk.  
Terezi: >:D  
Terezi: WH4T'S MOR3 CONV1NC1NG TH4N FUMBL1NG 1N YOUR 1NV3NTORY FOR TH3 W34PON YOU D1DN'T R34L1Z3 H4D C34S3D TO 3X1ST  
Terezi: LOOK 4T YOU, JUN3 3GB3RT  
Terezi: YOU'R3 UNSTOPP4BL3

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


The room fills with light for just a moment. Dirk squints against it, even with his sunglasses. A small gale kicks up dust and debris, creating a thick dark cloud in the room.

When the light fades, there's a brief silence.

Dirk holds up his sword in a defensive stance, uncertain of what to expect.

He feels a tickle on his leg, and when he looks down he's yanked to the ground by a red rope that's warm to the touch. No, it's not rope at all. It leaves a trail when it zips back into the vortex, and Dirk finds himself thinking it looked a lot more like... liquid?

Then Karkat Vantas, Knight of Blood, leaps out of the obscuring debris wielding two thick, glistening red sickles. Dirk holds up his sword to block, but it's no use. Karkat's weapons pass around his blade as easily as if it wasn't there and cut deep into his shoulder and collarbone. Dirk cries out and plants a foot on Karkat's chest, kicking him off hard enough to send the Knight flying.

Dirk twirls his legs and stands up. The dust isn't settling, so he decides he needs to get further out into the open. And who knows, maybe the presence of potential collateral will temper the disposition of his opponents?

Except when he runs towards one of the many exits, he immediately finds himself facing the wrong direction. He keeps getting turned around somehow, which makes no sense.

A reflex twitches, and Dirk spins to thrust his sword at Kanaya Maryam, Sylph of Space, floating a few inches off the ground behind him. His aim is true, but where the blade should have struck her face, it only seems to bend backwards and redirect towards his own. He notices the impossible optical bend around Kanaya just soon enough to pull strength from his strike so that he only grazes his cheek. When he leaps away from her, he sees that his sword is still perfectly straight.

Dirk backs against a wall in a defensive stance. In front of him, the dust finally clears.

They look clean, like their bodies are brand new. Each of them is wearing a freshly minted god tier outfit. They are, in some ways, even more surprised than Dirk is.

All but one of them, anyway.

Two of the newly resurrected trolls are floating, exploring the benefits of their suddenly extant fairy wings. Not Terezi, though. She's got her feet planted firmly on the ground.

T3r3z1 Pyrop3, S33r of M1nd, b34rs h3r tooth13st gr1n. 

Terezi: W3 L1V3D, B1TCH

Dirk stares, mouth agape, for all of a second.

Then he ducks outside and gets away.

Karkat: I THOUGHT YOU HAD HIM COVERED  
Kanaya: Do You Expect Me To Bend All Space Everywhere At Once  
Kanaya: This Is Still Very New To Me  
June: also, I'm here

everyone turns and looks at me, hahhahahha hnn yup, nice little wave, hello, just in time

for

me to fall face first into the dirt like a 8ag of rocks.

ow

Karkat: JUNE ARE YOU OKAY??  
June: ow  
June: yeah I'm  
June: defin8ly alive  
Karkat: HOW DO I FUCKING LAND WITH THESE THINGS?  
Karkat: I NEED TO BE ON THE GROUND SO I CAN COMFORT MY FRIEND!!  
Terezi: W3 DON'T H4V3 T1M3 FOR TH1S  
Terezi: BY NOW D1RK'S C4LL3D J4N3 4ND TOLD H3R TO S3ND GUNSH1PS  
Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK?!  
Kanaya: Yes What The Fuck   
Karkat: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT WAS AN OPTION? I COULD HAVE CLEAVED HIM IN FUCKING TWAIN INSTEAD OF DOING THIS STUPID HOOFBEASTSHIT DRAMATIC REVEAL!!!  
Terezi: K4RK4T, 1 R34LLY 4M OV3RWH3LM3D BY TH3 SC3NT OF YOUR BLOOD R1GHT NOW  
Karkat: THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION TEREZI  
Terezi: TH4T'S WH4T H4PP3NS WH3N SOM3ON3 1S OV3RWH3LM3D, TH3Y DON'T 4NSW3R QU3ST1ONS  
Terezi: 1 D1DN'T W4RN YOU B3C4US3 W4RN1NG YOU WOULD H4V3 L3D TO 4T L34ST TWO P3RM4N3NT D34THS, 4ND FOR ONC3 W3'R3 TRY1NG TO K33P TH4T NUMB3R 4T Z3RO  
Terezi: K4N4Y4, DO SOM3 SYLPH SH1T TO MY G1RLFR13ND  
June: that sounds  
June: re8lly suggestive  
Kanaya: I Dont Know What I Can Possibly Do To Help In This Situation  
Terezi: F1GUR3 1T OUT, FUSSYF4NGS  
Terezi: JUST B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF OR SOM3TH1NG  
Kanaya: Im Not Jane I Cant Magically Heal Her  
Kanaya: I Think The Best I Can Do Is Mend Some Bones  
June: oh cool  
June: I could use some new 8ones  
Kanaya: Not New Ones Unfortunately  
Kanaya: I Doubt This Will Be Pleasant

did she say

pheasant? huh. weird. those trolls, man. always sayin the. the randomest stuff, heh

oh I'm rolling over. or is someone rolling me over?

guess I'm on my 8ack now. oh this is, Rose's, ceiling? I was sleeping under this not too long ago. jeez. I sure would like to sleep. sleep sounFFFFFUCK AA

Kanaya puts her hands above June's broken arm, and the bones under her skin move and pop back into place. While June is screaming

June: AAAAGHHHHA HAA AAHAHA AAA FUCK FUCK FU

Terezi turns her attention to Rose and Dave, still unconscious, now coated in a fine mix of dust and debris. They need to be awake if the rest of this plan is going to work, and it just so happens that the freshly deified Seer of Mind has the perfect tool to make that happen. She kneels next to them, cracks her knuckles, focuses her mind, and...

Terezi: H3Y D1PSH1TS  
Terezi: W4K3 UP B3FOR3 W3 4LL D13

Rose and Dave's eyes snap open simultaneously. They jump to their feet, ready to fight. Then they see the wreckage, and their guard dips. No wall has avoided having someone thrown through it. Glass, drywall, brick, and bits of wood are just everywhere. Rose tastes horrified at all the ruined books, but then

she sees Kanaya.

As she stands up from June's barely conscious and recently bone-tortured body, she locks eyes with her wife. Rose trembles in place. Kanaya shows a dainty smile. They just stand there, staring at each other, ok4y, y3s, com3 on, do th3 b1g rom4nt1c run so w3 c4n mov3 4lon

Dave: kk  
Dave: kk is that you

The cool kid scrambles over the upturned couch and jump tackles Karkat out the air. Karkat's surprise yields into the only expression of genuine emotion he knows: a terrified, blood curdling scream. 

The wives approach each other slowly. Each regards the other as if this is the first time they've ever met, which is an obvious falsehood. Rose pulls Kanaya into a soft embrace.

(Rose: I saw you die, Kanaya.)  
(Kanaya: Its Okay Rose Im Not Dead Anymore Apparently)  
(Rose: Heh. Yeah, I noticed that.)

Rose gives her such a small, chaste little kiss. Really? That's the best you've got after all this? What kind of boring l3sb14ns 4r3 you??

Meanwhile, Dave has refused to let Karkat free from his embrace.

(Dave: dude i thought you were dead)  
Karkat: YEAH WELL I'M NOT  
(Dave: shhh chill kk i need to tell you something)  
Karkat: WHAT  
(Dave: stop screaming like a fucking winedrunk mynabird and ill tell you)  
(Karkat: WHAT)  
(Dave: i thought you were dead kk)  
(Karkat: YOU ALREADY SAID THAT)  
(Dave: wow you suck at whispers)  
(Dave: listen man were gonna have a real awkward heart to heart about this later where we meticulously dig through all our heavy ass baggage obviously)  
(Dave: ass baggage full of gay thats what were trucking with us everywhere and we really got to unpack that shit at length and preferably under the influence)  
(Karkat: UNDER WHOSE INFLUENCE?)  
(Dave: i dont fucking know man thats just some shit people say when they want to be on substances)  
(Dave: anyway i saw several holes get blown through you by a death robot today and like i know we gotta have a sit and talk about our feelings like adults or whatever and really confirm were on the same page with this)  
(Dave: but right now im high on life and feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable and im gonna confess some shit real quick)  
(Karkat: CONFESS??)  
(Karkat: DID YOU KILL SOMEONE DAVE)  
(Dave: dude shut up im trying to be sincere for literally the first time in my life)  
(Dave: weve been living together no homo for approximately forever and obviously theres never been any weird tension or accidental touches or inappropriate spying that one might put outside of the no homo category)  
(Karkat: SPYING??)  
(Dave: but on account of the thing my heart did when i saw you die)  
(Dave: and then did again after i saw you suddenly not dead and wearing a monochrome remix of my godtier attire)  
(Dave: not cool by the way but i guess i can forgive you this time)  
(Dave: anyway after all that stuff i just said im starting to think maybe what weve got is actually very homo)  
(Dave: like two beefcakes drenched in olive oil homo)  
(Dave: big bulging muscles and chiseled jaws all glistening in sweat homo)  
(Dave: just laying on a beach bumping uglies without a care at all for the dozens of concerned onlookers covering the eyes of their children homo)  
(Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW)  
(Dave: i dunno man)  
(Dave: im kind of delirious after i tripped and fell ass first into the sweaty gay ambrosia of i love you karkat)  
(Karkat: WHAT??)  
(Karkat: YOU...)  
(Karkat: you love me?)  
(Dave: obviously i dont mean that in a way that would seem uncool or lame)  
(Dave: not that love is lame but you know some people are weird about how the gay stuff influences their self esteem when theyve got unexamined biases)  
(Dave: not me though)  
(Dave: uhh anyway do you have an opinion on this or am i way off ba)

Karkat, blushing so red I can taste it, leans up and kisses Dave square on the lips. He has no idea what he's doing, but it's okay because neither does Dave. The Knights press their faces together like a couple of wet towels, which is not a comparison I would ever make about kissing if it weren't exactly what their makeout sounded like.

This is all lovely stuff, but we're on a pretty strict timetable. Looking around though, it's clear that no one's quite ready to jump back into the fray just yet.

We can spare a few minutes. Besides, with all this reinvigorated love stinking up the place, I'd have to have a busted thinkpan to not check up on my own girlfriend.

June's breathing, but her body is shaking. The wound in her gut is still open. She's trying to keep pressure on it, and blood is trickling out between her fingers. I sit down beside her and touch her cheek.

(Terezi: H3Y W1NDY G1RL)  
(June: hhhhhhhhey mmindy girl)  
(June: "mindy" seems, wwwweird, to say)  
(Terezi: 1T 1S, BUT 1'LL 4LLOW 1T JUST TH1S ONC3)  
Terezi: K4RK4T!! WH3N YOU'R3 F1N1SH3D COLON1Z1NG TH4T 4L13N'S F4C3 W1TH YOUR TONGU3, 1 N33D TO BORROW YOUR BLOOD  
Karkat: WHAT  
(June: yeah, w w what)  
(Terezi: W3 DON'T H4V3 4 GOOD W4Y TO H34L YOU R1GHT NOW, BUT K4RK4T C4N 4T L34ST CLOS3 UP TH3 HOL3 1N YOUR BODY)  
(June: there's, a hole?)  
(Terezi: Y3S JUN3. YOU W3R3 ST4BB3D)  
(June: huh. that's n nn neat)  
(June: hey I, w8tched you get killed Terezi)  
(Terezi: 4T L34ST TH1S T1M3 YOU W3R3N'T TH3 ON3 WHO K1LL3D M3)  
(June: no, yeah, t t hat's fair. 8ut there was a minute there I was preeeeeeeetty sure I fucked up, and)  
(June: I'd never, get to see you again)  
(June: check it out TZ, I'm n n nnnnot even crying about that, ss sad thing I just said)  
(Terezi: 1'M SO PROUD OF YOU)

Karkat kneels down next to us and tastes genuinely horrified at June's physical state now that he's looking at it up close.

Terezi: NO T1M3 TO G4WK, V4NT4S  
Terezi: F1X TH1S  
Karkat: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIX A WOUND LIKE THAT  
Terezi: W3 DON'T H4V3 T1M3 FOR YOU TO GO ON 4 JOURN3Y OF DOUBT 4ND S3LF 4CTU4L1Z4T1ON JUST TO F1GUR3 OUT HOW TO DO TH3 BLOODY TH1NG  
Terezi: JUST FUCK1NG B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF OR SOM3TH1NG  
Terezi: DO 1T OR 1'M R1PP1NG OFF YOUR W1NGS 4ND 34T1NG TH3M 1N FRONT OF YOU  
Karkat: FUCK YOU, TEREZI!!  
Karkat: JUST BECAUSE I CAN USE MY OWN BLOOD AS A WEAPON NOW APPARENTLY, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN JUST SCOOP UP ALL OF JUNE'S DUSTY COAGULATED LIFE JUICE FROM THE GROUND AND SHOVE IT ALL B

I grab him by the scruff of his rust-smelling silk hood.

Terezi: 4R3 YOU R34LLY GO1NG TO L3T MY G1RLFR13ND D13 R1GHT NOW  
June: yeah Karkat, are you, , re8lly g ggg going to let me die  
June: that's not,  
June: very chill of you  
Karkat: OKAY FINE! GET OFF MY NOOK ALREADY  
Karkat: I GUESS I'LL JUST  
Karkat: THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIMES YOU'VE MADE ME WANT TO THROW A LOAD GAPER THROUGH THE WINDOW OUT OF FRUSTRATION  
Karkat: BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INFURIATING IDIOTIC FUCKUP, WHO I SOMEHOW LOVE  
Karkat: AND IF LOVE IS MY WEAPON AND YOU HAVE TO BE ALIVE TO FIGHT, THEN  
Karkat: HOLY MOTHERGRUBBING FUCK!!!! YOUR SKIN IS MOVING!! I'M MAKING YOUR SKIN MOVE WITH MY MIND!!!!!! SWEET SHITTING WIGGLER NIBS, I'M GOING TO HURL

h hey

WH4T'S UP?

I dunno

I love you, I guess?

TH4T'S 4WFULLY FORW4RD OF YOU

yeah it's

a lot

to happen in a few days, huh

TH1NGS DO T3ND TO MOV3 F4ST W1TH M3

me too app8rently, hah

so do you think you'll uh

stick around

after this is over

WHY WOULDN'T 1

eh I don'oh ooooo jeez that, that feels weird

I dunno TZ

may8e you'll leave cause I'm a mess and suck a lot

YOU 4R3 4 M3SS, 4ND YOU DO SUCK  
BUT 1N 4 GOOD W4Y

wonk

1 C4N'T M4K3 4NY LONG T3RM PROM1S3S, JUN3  
BUT LONG T3RM FOR US JUST GOT 3XT3ND3D TO TH3 H34T D34TH OF TH3 COSMOS  
SO FOR TH3 T1M3 B31NG, 1'M NOT GO1NG 4NYWH3R3  
>:]

hell yeah

d8mn Terezi you're so fucking cool

1 KNOW  
YOU'R3 PR3TTY COOL YOURS3LF

is that true?

NO  
YOU'R3 TH3 L4M3ST N3RD 1'V3 3V3R S3T 3Y3S ON  
4LTHOUGH S1NC3 1'M BL1ND, TH3 COMP3T1T1ON 1SN'T 3X4CTLY ST33P

blind jokes. love it. classic

hey can I kiss you

4BSOLUT3LY NOT  
YOU'D PR4B4LY BR34K SOM3TH1NG 1F YOU TR13D  
L3T M3 DO 1T

Terezi leans down and kisses June. Her blood pusher does a flip in her chest cavity, which would be lethal if it weren't a figure of speech.

dang that's re8lly... really nice. I like kissing cute girls. especially ones who are my girlfriend.

Karkat: WE ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DISCUSS HOW IN THE TERROR SCREAMING FUCK THIS RELATIONSHIP HAPPENED  
Karkat: YOU TWO OWE ME A LONG EXPLANATION, AND I FUCKING PROMISE YOU I WILL BREAK SOMEONE'S PROPERTY IF I DON'T GET EXCRUCIATINGLY SPECIFIC ANSWERS  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU 4SK1NG 4BOUT OUR S3X L1F3, V4NT4S  
Karkat: YOU HAVE A SEX LIFE???????  
Terezi: >;]

I look down at my belly and see that there's a sort of, surfacey 8ruise? or like... a we8 of dry blood or something. whatever. the wound is shut. I'm still pretty low on my own sweet body nectar, but at least the leak is fixed!

ok. sit up slowly... hey, check that out! everything still hurts, but not as much! pat my broken arm to confirm that it's not 8roken. hold my hands up for Terezi and Karkat to pull me to my feet

alright, we're standddddddding now wooo oh light head okay, sort of stum8le into Terezi's arms wait no that's Karkat oops oh he's hugging me, aw, dang 8uddy that's so nice, I should hug him 8ack and tell him how much he means to m

no, nope, gotta focus. deep breath, Eg8ert. there's still work to do, save the feelings jam for later

now.

st8nd on your own two fucking legs.

everyone in the room is looking at me. Rose and Kanaya are still locked in a petite em8race. Dave slides up next to Karkat and seems too embarrassed to hold his hand, so he's just bouncing off the very annoyed troll's shoulder incessantly. Terezi has a hand on my arm.

June: alright folks.  
June: let's fuckin  
Roxy: hey not 2 interrupt th hella emotional feels sesh yall got goin but can 1 a u cute losers pull this goddam fuckin sword the fuck out of me plz n thank u

oh oops. shit, shit, sorry!! 8efore I can head that way, everyone else runs outside to help, leaving me and Terezi alone for a moment.

June: I think I might have 8rain damage, TZ. everything's still blurry  
Terezi: TH4T'S B3C4US3 YOU'R3 NOT W34R1NG YOUR GL4SS3S, 1D1OT

right. yeah. duh.

as Terezi turns her attention to the Roxy crowd I scour the rub8le for my glasses, trying to remember when they might have 8een knocked off. playing 8ack the fight that just happened... jeez, that really was a whole heckin lot of crap that just got 8eaten out of me, huh? I 8et my face looks like a pollock right now. he's the one who did the screaming bridge guy right? yeah defin8ly

ok so I think the moment things went 8lurry was... the jaw punch? and that happened over hereissssssssh... yup, there they are, just on the other side of a busted wall. hell yeah.

reach for them

  


gra8 the frames

  
  


slip them on my face

  
  
  


turn around

  
  
  
  


Dirk gra8s my arm and does some judo shit aND I'M ON THE FUCKING GROUND AGAIN CAN I PLEASE JUST GO ONE MINUTE WITHOUT SOMEONE SQUISHING MY 8ODY

wait, why isn't he

  


he doesn't

  


he's not saying anything

  
  
  


my face is pressed into the grass, and there's a

  
  


burning?

on my 8ack??

  
  


oh this is not

  
  


terror rips through me as I try to scram8le away but he's got me pinned. try to zap away 8ut, but I can't?? what the fuck what the fuck wha

8olts of pink and violet electricity are dancing around me. something is happening in my 

  


mind

  
  
  


I

  
  


am looking down

  


at my 8ody

  
  
  


and

  


I

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


NO

YOU C8N'T

DIRK STOP PLE8SE

I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this, but you've left me with no alternatives.

If you won't do what needs to be done, Egbert...

I will.

I can feel something like... I'm i'm splitting

i'm hurting in my he8rt

i'm trying to

we h8ve to keep it together

i can't

ple8se,

we feel

you

You feel an old familiar weight return to you as your mind diverges. The broken wreck of Rose and Kanaya's house seems distant. Up above, you think you see a gigantic floating battleship crossing the horizon.

Somewhere close by, you think you can hear Terezi screaming.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The terrestrial plane disappears.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You are in darkness.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You are in the void.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vriska hovers nearby, lifeless. Dirk regards her with a curious look. Then he glances in your direction.

  
  
  


You.

  
  
  
  
  


Who... are you?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You think your name is

Dirk: Alright, John. My friend. My pal.  
Dirk: Teach me how to retcon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to optimisticDuelist for godtier-related consultation.


	3. Chapter 3

fingers tapping on the kitchen ta8le. glass of water and the microwaved leftovers from a frozen pizza in front of us. ceiling light is 8uzzing. tiny window over the sink lets in a little glow from outside, 8ut it's past noon now. 8lood feels cold.

loud crunch as Terezi takes a huge bite from an oversized slice. splashes of tomato sauce and a little chunk of pepperoni cling to her mouth and cheeks.

June: could you uh... chew with your mouth closed?  
Terezi: WH4H

is she saying "why"? it's hard to tell when her mouth is loaded with pizza matter.

June: it's kinda gross.  
Terezi: YOU'W GOSS

flecks of soggy crust spray out of her mouth.

June: come on TZ, were you raised in a 8arn??

she leans her head 8ack and swallows it all in one huge gulp.

Terezi: NO, 1 W4S R41S3D 1N 4 TR33  
Terezi: WH4T'S 4 B4RN  
June: it's a place where farmers let animals live 8efore they murder them, I guess.  
Terezi: TH4T SOUNDS 4W3SOM3  
June: no, usually it's just sad.  
June: jeez, did we 8ring farms and live stock with us to Earth C? we must have, right????????  
June: that's pro8ably something we should deal with at some point...  
June: you know, for 8eing the gods of a new universe we sure did a good job of just keeping everything the way it was!  
June: I mean it's right there in the name. "Earth C"?? it's earth... 8ut again. again. we promise we got it r8 this time!  
Terezi: 1S TH1S R34LLY WH4T'S ON YOUR M1ND, JUN3?

my mouth opens. nothing happens. drink some water to 8uy time. hands are shaking again. set the glass down.

8reathe.

June: I really don't want to do this, TZ  
Terezi: DON'T LOOK 4T M3, TH1S W4S YOUR 1D34  
June: I know, it's just...  
June: scary.  
Terezi: YOU S41D YOURS3LF 1T W4S TH3 B3ST OPT1ON, 4ND 1'M 1NCL1N3D TO 4GR33  
June: yeah.  
June: what if it isn't, though?

I hear a car drive 8y, instinctually tense up and glance at the window.

Terezi: JUST 4 F3W D4YS 4GO YOU GOT 1NTO S3V3R4L SWORD F1GHTS W1TH MULT1PL3 P3OPL3 4ND N34RLY D13D 3V3RY S1NGL3 T1M3  
Terezi: HOW 4R3 YOU TH1S 4FR41D OF 4 CONV3RS4T1ON??  
June: I mean...  
June: it's Jade.  
Terezi: J4D3'S 4 W1GGL3R B4RKB34ST  
Terezi: 4BS3NT CONF3SS1NG YOUR M4NY CR1M3S, 1T'S L1T3R4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3 FOR H3R TO HURT YOU  
June: wow, that really isn't true.  
June: I'm not afr8 of her 8eating me up or shrinking me down and eating me alive or something...  
June: I'm afraid that either 1, she'll h8 me and be sad forever no matter what I say, or 2, we'll have a gr8 conversation that I'll just have to retcon for some fucking reason!  
June: and I don't know how many times I can have the same exhausting talk before I just give up.  
Terezi: 1F ROXY 1S K33P1NG 4N 3Y3 ON TH3 SH1TT13R STR1D3R, TH3R3'S 4 B3TT3R TH4N NOTH1NG CH4NC3 TH4T SH3'S M4K1NG 1T H4RD3R FOR H1M TO P4Y 4TT3NT1ON  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK YOU'LL B3 S4F3 FOR NUMB3R TWO  
Terezi: 4S TO NUMB3R ON3, YOU'V3 4LR34DY DON3 TH1S ONC3. YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T TO S4Y TO G3T B4CK ON GOOD T3RMS W1TH H3R  
Terezi: HON3TLY YOU'R3 MOR3 PR3P4R3D FOR TH1S P4RT TH4N 4NYTH1NG 3LS3 SO F4R  
June: I guess.  
June: 8ut I'm not JUST trying to get back on good terms with her, am I?   
June: that's the part that's really getting to me.

she takes another 8ite of pizza and chews a little quieter.

June: can we talk a8out it? just for a second?  
Terezi: W3 C4 T4 4OU 43ING  
June: come oooooooon, please don't talk with your mouth full.

Terezi swallows again and looks a little ticked off.

Terezi: SORRY TO OFF3ND YOUR D3L1C4T3 HUM4N S3NS1B1L1T13S  
Terezi: 1'LL JUST N3V3R 34T 4G41N, TH4T SHOULD SOLV3 TH3 PROBL3M  
June: well, first of all you like eating gar8age too much to follow through on that threat.  
Terezi: >:[  
June: second, I'm not offended. it's just... distracting? I dunno. I'm trying to focus and all that mouth noise is screwing with me.  
Terezi: LOOK 4T YOU TON3 POL1C1NG  
June: please?  
Terezi: F111111111111111N3 1F YOU'R3 GONN4 Y4NK MY BULG3 4BOUT 1T  
June: I might do that anyway. ;)  
Terezi: G4SP!! MOR3 FL1RT4T1ONS FROM TH3 L4DY 3GB3RT  
June: yeah yeah.  
June: so, uh...  
June: can we talk a8out it?  
Terezi: W3 C4N T4LK 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG  
Terezi: JUST KNOW TH4T 1T'S 4 R1SK  
June: right.  
June: so okay. I talk to her, we make amends, I get emotional a8out how lonely we are, I suggest we go back and find a troll from a dead timeline to come back and 8e her friend.  
Terezi: Y3S  
June: the idea 8eing that she'll be more likely to go all out against Dirk if she's got something of her own to fight for, plus we add the extra surprise of another person in the fray that no one thought existed anymore.  
Terezi: TH4T'S CORR3CT  
June: I was all a8out this the other night, but now that I've got to do it it just feels...  
June: manipul8ive.  
Terezi: TH4T 1S L1T3R4LLY WH4T 1T 1S  
Terezi: TH1S 3NT1R3 PL4N 1S JUST 4 LONG S3R13S OF M4N1PUL4T1ONS  
June: isn't that kinda fucked up??  
Terezi: TH3 SUBJ3CT1V3 M34SUR3 OF HOW "FUCK3D UP" TH3 PL4N 1S DO3SN'T M4TT3R  
Terezi: DO YOU W4NT TH3 CURR3NT 3QU1L1BR1UM TO CON1NU3 3X1ST1NG OR NOT  
June: of course I want it to keep existing.  
Terezi: TH3N TH3 MOR4L PROBL3MS 4R3N'T YOUR PROBL3M  
Terezi: W3'V3 RUN TH3 NUMB3RS 4ND TH1S 1S WH4T'S MOST L1K3LY TO WORK  
June: I get that.  
June: just feels cynical.  
Terezi: >:\  
Terezi: JUN3  
Terezi: TH3 1NST4NT YOU D3C1D3 TO TR34T OTH3R P3OPL3 L1K3 THR4LLS 1N 4 FL4RP, YOU H4V3 TO B3COM3 4 CYN1C  
Terezi: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 4ROUND 1T  
June: I... think I know what those words mean?  
June: look, I know where we stand with the naval gazing stuff, we've still gotta DO this thing no matter what.  
June: 8ut I'm just thinking about Jade.  
June: she was manipul8d and controlled more than any of us.  
Terezi: W3 W3R3 4LL M4N1PUL4T3D 3QU4LLY  
June: okay, sure! 8ut at least it felt like we had choices. at least we, y'know...  
June: did stuff.  
June: J8 was too powerful for anyone to let her have that kind of freedom.  
June: so I feel 8ad for her now and I want to help her! I wish I could give her the world, you know? she deserves it.  
June: 8ut if our whole motiv8ion for this thing is to make her strategically useful, how is that any different from how she was treated during the session?  
Terezi: 1T'S NOT  
Terezi: 1 4GR33 TH4T 1T'S CRU3L 1N 4 W4Y, BUT 4G41N:  
Terezi: TH1S 1S WH4T W3 H4V3 TO DO TO W1N  
June: win????????  
Terezi: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N  
June: yeah, and I h8 it.  
June: I hate that this is what it comes down to.  
June: Dirk pro8ably says the same shit to himself to justify his stupid plans.  
Terezi: YOU'R3 M4K1NG 4 CL4SS1C 4N4LYT1C4L 3RROR, JUN3  
Terezi: JUST B3C4US3 TH3R3 4R3 TWO CYN1C4L STR4T3G1STS ON TH3 F13LD PL4Y1NG THE1R FR13NDS 4G41NST 34CH OTH3R, TH4T DO3SN'T M4K3 TH3M 3QU4LLY 1MMOR4L  
Terezi: YOU 4R3 M4N1PUL4T1NG P3OPL3 TO FR33 TH3M FROM FUTUR3 M4N1PUL4T1ONS  
Terezi: D1RK 1S M4N1PUL4T1NG P3OPL3 SO TH4T H3 C4N M4N1PUL4T3 TH3M 1ND3F1N1T3LY  
Terezi: 1D34LLY, NON3 OF TH1S WOULD B3 N3C3SS4RY  
Terezi: BUT 1T 1S.  
Terezi: VR1SK4 L3D 4N 4RMY OF GHOSTS TO F1GHT LORD 3NGL1SH, 4ND B4S1C4LLY 4LL OF TH3M DOUBL3 D1ED 4S 4 R3SULT  
Terezi: BUT SO D1D 3NGL1SH  
Terezi: UNFORTUN4T3LY, TH4T'S TH3 ONLY P4RT TH4T M4TT3RS  
June: yeah...  
June: hmm.  
June: you ever think a8out how that fight went?  
Terezi: 1 S4W TH3 4FT3RM4TH, 1 DON'T N33D TO TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
June: oh, right.  
June: it's weird though, isn't it? other stuff that happened 8ack in the old universe feels like it's over. like it's... written down in a book somewhere? maybe I can scrib8le that out and write something else, but it's still... done.  
June: something a8out the Lord English thing, though...  
June: it feels like it's still being written?  
Terezi: 4LL 3V3NTS 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3 4R3 C1RCUMST4NT14LLY S1MULT4N3OUS  
Terezi: YOU'R3 JUST W31RD  
June: pffffffff! you're one to talk!  
Terezi: B4CK TO TH3 TH1NG TH4T'S WORRY1NG YOU  
Terezi: 3V3RY OTH3R P4RT OF TH1S PL4N 1S 4S ROCK SOL1D 4S 4NY PL4N C4N B3 1N 4 R4NDOM 4ND CHO4T1C UN1V3RS3  
Terezi: 1 L3G1T1M4T3LY DON'T KNOW WH4T W1LL H4PP3N W1TH J4D3  
Terezi: BUT TH3 PL4N ONLY H1NG3S ON H3R 1F SOM3TH1NG 3LS3 GO3S WRONG, WH1CH 1T WON'T B3C4US3 1T'S M3  
Terezi: SO 1F YOU FUCK TH1S UP, 1T'S NOT TH3 3ND OF TH3 WORLD  
June: unless we need her.  
Terezi: R1GHT, UNL3SS W3 N33D H3R. 1N WH1CH C4S3 YOU FUCK1NG TH1S UP W1LL D3F1N1T3LY B3 TH3 3ND OF TH3 WORLD  
Terezi: BUT 1 W1LL R3M1ND YOU TH4T TH1S 1S NOT 4 VR1SK4 PL4N OR 4 D4V3 PL4N  
Terezi: UGH, D4V3 PL4NS 4R3 TH3 WORST  
Terezi: NO, TH1S 1S 4 T3R3Z1 PYROP3 PL4N!! >:]  
Terezi: TH3 ST4T1ST1C4L L1K3L1HOOD OF F41LUR3 1SN'T NON3X1ST4NT, WH1CH 1S WHY YOU SUGG3ST3D TH3 J4D3 CONT1NG3NCY  
Terezi: BUT TH3 ST4T1ST1C4L L1K3L1HOOD TH4T 4 T3R3Z1 PYROP3 PL4N W1LL F41L 1S L3SS TH4N Z3RO, B3C4US3 1 4M N3V3R WRONG  
June: there are several ways that doesn't make sense.  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU C4ST1NG DOUBT ON MY SPOTL3SS R3CORD??  
June: what would you do a8out it if I was?  
Terezi: >:O  
June: :::;)

despite our laughter, I'm still nervously tapping the ta8le. flirting is a nice distraction, but nothing we've said is reassuring.

Terezi puts her hand on mine, presses it down to keep it from moving.

look at her. sloppy, gross, and just... good. I lean in and press our foreheads together.

June: can't you at least come with me?  
Terezi: W3 B4R3LY M4D3 1T THROUGH W1TH ROXY  
Terezi: TH3S3 P3OPL3 D1DN'T KNOW M3 V3RY W3LL 3V3N B3FOR3 1 W3NT OFF TH3 GR1D FOR Y34RS  
Terezi: YOU N33D J4D3 TO OP3N UP TO YOU, 4ND SH3 WON'T DO TH4T 1F 1'M TH3R3  
June: I'm just worried what might happen if I lose my temper.  
Terezi: TH3N DON'T LOS3 YOUR T3MP3R  
June: :(  
Terezi: WH4T DO YOU W4NT M3 TO S4Y  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T 4LW4YS B3 TH3R3 TO HOLD YOUR H4ND 4ND M4SS4G3 YOUR BR41N TO K33P YOU FROM GO1NG ON 4 MURD3ROUS R4MP4G3  
Terezi: PL3NTY OF P3OPL3 H4V3 4NG3R 1SSU3S  
Terezi: H4V3 YOU 3V3N S33N K4RK4T??  
June: leave Karkat out of this! >:'(  
Terezi: SH3'S NOT 4N 1MP OR 4 MONST3R OR 4 DW33B W1TH 4 S4MUR41 SWORD  
Terezi: SH3'S YOUR FUCK1NG S1ST3R  
Terezi: OR WH4T3V3R YOU C4LL TH4T NONS3NS1C4L TH1NG TH4T SH3 1S  
June: sometimes I think you trolls pretend not to know human words just to fuck with us.  
Terezi: 1 WOULD N3V3R FUCK W1TH YOU, JUN3  
Terezi: NOT UNL3SS YOU D3S3RV3D 1T OR 1 W4S BOR3D  
June: uhuh.

when I kiss her, she makes a little surprised noise and puts her arms around me.

is this what alive people feel like?

then she 8ites my lip. her teeth are so sharp! it stings, and I taste blood. this should defin8ly freak me out right?? like... her satisfaction at tasting my blood should 8e really alarming.

instead it just makes me want to kiss her more.

gosh, when did I get like this?

when she pulls away, she licks her lips and smiles wide.

Terezi: D3L1C1OUS  
June: god you're weird  
Terezi: 1 C4N R34D YOUR THOUGHTS JUN3, 1 KNOW HOW YOU R34LLY F33L >;]  
June: you can't prove anything.  
Terezi: MY MOUTH S4YS OTH3RW1S3  
June: TZ, I really need to go 8efore you trick me into having sex with you again.  
Terezi: TR1CK YOU??  
Terezi: B1TCH, YOU'R3 TH3 ON3 WHO 4SK3D M3!

I smile and kiss her, leaving a little 8loody lip stain on her cheek. or may8e that's tomato sauce? it'd be more poetic if it was blood 8ut

not important. I stand up from the ta8le and move to leave, but Terezi snags the 8ack of my shirt and stops me.

Terezi: 1 KNOW YOU'R3 HUNG UP ON TH3 B1G P1CTUR3, 4ND 1 KNOW YOU'R3 SC4R3D 4BOUT WH4T COULD GO WRONG  
Terezi: BUT YOU C4N'T 4FFORD TO FOCUS ON TH4T  
Terezi: T4K3 1T FROM 4N 3XP3RT 1N F4C1NG H1GH STR3SS S1TU4T1ONS OF TR3M3NDOUS STR4T3G1C4L V4LU3  
Terezi: W3 H4V3 4 SC4RY T1M3 4H34D OF US  
Terezi: 4ND W3'R3 4BOUT TO B3 RESPONS1BL3 FOR SOM3 BRUT4L TH1NGS  
Terezi: BUT 1T'S 4LL 1N S3RV1C3 OF SOM3TH1NG GOOD, 4ND TH4T'S WH4T R34LLY M4TT3RS  
June: ...yeah.  
June: you're right.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


I can't move.

Why can't I move?

B3C4US3 1 WON'T L3T YOU >:[

Hmm.

PUT H3R B4CK  
DON'T M4K3 M3 HURT YOU

Hurt me, you say?

;)

K33P 1T UP, N3RD. S33 WH4T H4PP3NS

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?????  
Karkat: IS JUNE DEAD?!?!  
Kanaya: I Second That Question  
Terezi: NO, SH3'S NOT D34D  
Terezi: D1RK JUST H4S H3R SOUL  
Dave: wow i hate that thats a thing that just got said out loud

Dirk's got his hands on his head, sitting upright from his knees. His face is bloody and bruised, BUT D3F1N1T3LY NOT 4S MUCH 4S 1T SHOULD B3. Everyone's gathered in a loose circle around him, angry, confused, ready to fight. Roxy is the only one missing, propped as she is against the back wall of the house fiddling with her phone the best she can with a paralyzed arm and a bloody hole in her shoulder.

June is on the ground just a little ways away, bruised on just about every inch of skin. Blood on her lips and hands and... just about everywhere else. I can hear her breathing, but it's slow.

She won't last long like this.

Karkat: DO WE KILL HIM??  
Rose: If he has June's soul, that seems like a terrifically terrible idea.  
Karkat: CAN I AT LEAST CUT HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF SO HE CAN'T WANDER AWAY LIKE A CORPSE ON A METEOR?  
Rose: Hmm. I don't think that would be advisable, either.  
Terezi: 1'V3 GOT H1M FOR NOW  
Kanaya: As In Youre Holding Him In Place  
Terezi: TH4T 1S WH4T "GOT H1M" WOULD CONT3XTU4LLY 1MPLY, K4N4Y4  
Kanaya: How Is That A Thing You Can Do  
Terezi: HOW 4BOUT W3 T4BL3 TH4T D1SCUSS1ON FOR 4 T1M3 WH3N OUR L1V3S 4R3N'T UND3R 1MM1N3NT THR34T  
Terezi: LOOK

I point up into the sky. Everyone looks in that direction, but no one reacts.

Dave: are we supposed to see something or  
Terezi: HOLY SH1T, R3M3MB3R HOW 1'M FUCK1NG BL1ND??  
Terezi: US3 CONT3XT CLU3S!! MOV3 YOUR N3CKS 4ND H34DS L1K3 TH3 S3NT13NT S3LF 4W4R3 4N1M4LS YOU 4R3  
Terezi: DO 1T B3FOR3 1 K1LL YOU FOR SOM3 R34SON. 1 DON'T KNOW, 1'M 4 L1TTL3 TOO STR3SS3D TO QU1P 4T TH3 MOM3NT ON 4CCOUNT OF MY FUCK1NG G1RLFR13ND H4V1NG H3R SOUL 4BDUCT3D BY 4 SH1TTY 4L13N

That's not very nice.

Terezi: SHUT UP  
Kanaya: Who Are You Talking To  
Terezi: WHO DO YOU TH1NK 1'M T4LK1NG TO, M4RY4M??? >>>>:[  
Karkat: OH SHIT, THERE REALLY IS A WARSHIP COMING!  
Karkat: WHAT DO WE DO??

Dave breaks out his own sword and points it at Dirk.

Dave: alright bro heres the medium  
Dave: put june back or im slicing your head off like a hunk of cheese  
Dirk:   
Dave: fuck me this is just  
Dave: what even is this maniacal villain shit dirk like what was the point  
Dirk:  
Karkat: YEAH, WHY DID THIS MOTHERGLUBBING SKULL FUCKER EVEN TRY TO KILL US IN THE FIRST PLACE?  
Kanaya: Technically He Succeeded In Killing Us  
Terezi: W3 DON'T H4V3 T1M3 FOR TH1S  
Terezi: D1RK H4S 1RONS  
Terezi: JUN3 FUCK3D TH3M UP  
Terezi: H3 TR13D TO 1NT1M1D4T3 H3R  
Terezi: H3 F41L3D  
Terezi: NOW H3'S TRY1NG TO T4KE R3TCON BY ST34L1NG H3R SOUL  
Kanaya: What  
Dave: thats fucked up  
Dirk:

Everyone falls quiet. All around us, crowds of onlookers are murmuring. Someone's cordoned off the area to keep idiots from wandering into whatever the fuck this is.

You're panicking.

Kanaya: Is That Even A Thing He Can Do  
Terezi: W3'R3 T4LK1NG 1N SO M4NY C1RCL3S 1'M D1ZZY  
Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW 1F 1T'S 4 TH1NG H3 C4N DO, BUT H3 C3RT41NLY TH1NKS 1T 1S  
Terezi: 4ND 1 DOUBT 4NY OF US R34LLY W4NTS TO F1ND OUT 1F H3'S R1GHT  
Karkat: YEAH THAT PART'S FUCKING OBVIOUS  
Karkat: SO I REPEAT: WHAT DO WE DO???  
Dave: lets back this panic train up a couple thousand miles and remember that everyone here is literally immortal  
Dave: like what are they gonna do shoot us  
Rose: What about them, Dave? Do they look immortal?

Dave turns to the now very sizeable crowd of carapacians, consorts, trolls, and humans who have gathered here like a bunch of fuzzbeasts to the kill chambers.

You don't know what to do.

Dave: god damn it  
Dave: okay so lets pick his ass up and fly somewhere else  
Dave: find a big open anime style desert canyon with a population of absolute zero

There, see? That sounds like a good idea. Dave plans are always on point.

Terezi: W3 4R3N'T GO1NG 4NYWH3R3  
Karkat: WHY THE FUCK NOT???  
Terezi: 1F W3 GO TO 4N 3MPTY D3S3RT, TH3Y W1LL SHOOT 4T US. 1'M NOT 4N 3XP3RT ON HU4MN 4RM4M3NTS, BUT 1 DO KNOW TH3Y H4V3 4 R3PUT4T1ON FOR B31NG L3TH4L  
Terezi: 4ND UNL3SS YOU'R3 4LL V3RY GOOD 4T MOD1FY1NG YOUR THOUGHTS 4T TH3 L4ST S3COND, DY1NG TO S4V3 JUN3'S L1F3 SOUNDS PR3TTY H3RO1C TO M3  
Rose: So we treat our audience like human shields, then.  
Terezi: 1 PR3F3R TH3 T3RM "M34T 4RMOR," BUT Y3S  
Kanaya: Has Anyone Tried Contacting Jane  
Roxy: i been tryin 2 call her for the last 5 minutes but shes still not pickin up  
Rose: Which means she's probably on that ship.  
Dirk: Aren't you smart.

Everyone whips their heads towards Dirk. He's hiding his thoughts from me, but he's definitely not trying to hide his cocky smile.

Why would I? I find tremendous joy in seeing you flail amid the absence of a plan. For all your confidence, you really aren't very good at improvisation.

Y34H W3'LL S33, WON'T W3

Roxy moves with purpose to close the gap between her and Dirk, pushing up one of her billowing sleeves as she goes.

Roxy: u backstabbin motherfucker

Rose puts out an arm to stop her.

Rose: This is what he wants. He's trying to keep us distracted.  
Roxy: yeah? well its workin  
Terezi: 3V3RYON3 SHUT UP, W3 N33D TO

You know I split her up, right? The girl you loved is gone. Kill me or let me go, the result will be the same.

Terezi: ...  
Karkat: I SHUT UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE AND THIS IS WHAT YOU  
Karkat: TEREZI ARE YOU CRYING  
Terezi: 1T DO3SN'T M4TT3R.

You're thinking you can find a way to put her back together. With all these godtiers and all these aspects, surely something will be able to get the job done?

Terezi: 3V3RYON3 JUST

You're wrong. There's no fixing what I've done.

Terezi: STOP

June is never coming ba

Terezi: SHUT UP

1 H1T H1M H4RD 3NOUGH TH4T H3'S KNOCK3D B4CK ONTO TH3 GROUND, 4ND TH3N 1 K1CK H1S STOM4CH UNT1L H3 R3TCH3S UP WH4T3V3R F1LTHY TR4SH FROM 4 PL4ST1C B4G W4S 1N H1S STOM4CH.

So emotional. So sensitive.

I like learning new things about you, Terezi.

Like what makes you mad.

What makes you seethe.

It's amazing how easy you are to

Terezi: SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUT

1 DON'T M34N TO SCR34m it, but I do, god damn it.

Pull it together. I'm better than this.

You're just as unprepared as me. Everything you do is a bluff, and I see through it. You can piss me off all you want, but that's all you're going to do.

Is that so?

Dave: terezi you ok  
Terezi: JUST 4 BOUT OF T3MPOR4RY 1NS4N1TY  
Terezi: W3 N33D TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T OUR N3XT MOV3 1S, 4ND F4ST  
Dave: i vote we huddle up inside rosemarys house so the trigger happy gamers in the armed forces cant take pot shots at us  
Karkat: GREAT IDEA, THEN THEY'LL JUST HAVE TO PUSH THE HIVE OVER TO KILL US  
Terezi: W3 4R3N'T DROWN1NG 1N OPT1ONS R1GHT NOW V4NT4S  
Kanaya: What About June

Her breathing is even slower now. 

She's fading. I can't imagine she has much longer at all. You'd better figure something out, otherwise you'll never forgive yourself.

Terezi: JUN3 4ND D1RK ST4Y TOG3TH3R. 1F TH1S BUCK3T OF CLOWN SPUNK SUDD3NLY B4RFS UP H3R SOUL, 1 DON'T W4NT 4N 1NCH OF D1ST4NC3 B3TW33N TH3M  
Karkat: TEREZI THERE ARE CHILDREN WATCHING  
Terezi: GOOD, TH3Y C4N W4TCH M3 ST4B YOU TO D34TH 4ND N4M3 4 HOL1D4Y 4FT3R M3  
Terezi: L3T'S FUCK1NG GOOOO!!

As we drag June and Dirk inside the ruined house, I hear the warship's engines overhead as they hover to a stop. Loud men shouting. Ropes uncoiling. Karkat produces two bloody sickles, Dave and Rose draw their weapons, Roxy cracks the knuckles on her non-paralyzed arm. Kanaya bends the Space in all the entryways to redirect any gunfire, but she's already sweating from the exertion. It's too new for her. It's too new for all of us. We're not ready for this fight, but we have to be.

I'm putting everything I have into holding Dirk in place. I have to trust the others to make all the right choices.

Feet on the ground outside. I can't count how many soldiers there are. Too many.

No time left to get ready. This has to be good enough.

It sounds like my ride is here.

Soldier: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!  
Karkat: FUCK YOU, NERD!!!!!  
(Dave: kk shut up)

More feet on the ground, softer this time. I'm overwhelmed by perfume that smells like sugar, by the earthy musk of a man who seems to have just finished rolling in the dirt. 

Jane: What in the blue blazes is going on here?  
Karkat: YOU TELL US  
(Dave: dude shut the fuck up)  
(Karkat: YOU SHUT UMMPHJHGFHH)

She's standing just outside the house, trying very hard not to taste worried. Jake is a few paces behind her, fidgeting.

Soldier: Ma'am, you shouldn't be here.  
Jane: Oh, posh! Just stay back and let the adults talk.  
Jane: Friends, as you can tell we have quite a lot of men here who are ready to take violent action against you. I don't want it to come to that, but Dirk sent me a most uncharacteristically alarming message and I need to make sure he's safe.  
Rose: HIM safe? He's the one who killed Kanaya, Karkat, and Terezi!  
Jane: If I'm not mistaken, wasn't that Karkat screaming like a banshee just a moment ago?  
Kanaya: We Were Dead For A Little While But Then June Saved Us With Shenanigans  
Jane: Where is he, where's Dirk?  
Terezi: W3'R3 K33P1NG H1M H3R3 UNT1L H3 G1V3S B4CK JUN3'S SOUL  
(Dave: i still hate that we can just say that out loud now and its like a true thing that isnt fake)  
(Karkat: FMMPH MMMMH NNNNNNG!!!)  
(Dave: shh its ok kk)  
Jake: What did terezi just say about june?  
Jane: Hush, Jake! Is Dirk alive?  
Roxy: 4 now  
Jane: ...Roxy? I didn't know you were caught up in all this mess! What the heck is going on in there?  
Roxy: get th fuck in here janey n we can talk abt it instead a shoutin between walls like angry neighbors!

She hesitates.

Jane: Why should I trust you?  
Roxy: wtf? bitch u think this is how i wanted 2 spend my day??  
Roxy: dirks the 1 who attacked us!  
Jane: He said you would say that.  
(Karkat: MMMRFAAAAAAA LET ME GO)  
Karkat: ALL DIRK DOES IS OPEN HIS FUCKING NUTRITION SHUTE AND SAY THINGS, YOU BATTER DRENCHED DESSERT FUCMMFJMMM!!!!!  
(Dave: please dont make me choke you out dude seriously)   
Rose: What did he say specifically?

I can hear her shuffling her feet. She doesn't know what to do.

Just send them in, Jane. What are you doing?

Jane: He... said you would be compromised.

Damn it.

Roxy: the fuck????  
(Kanaya: Did He Mean In A Moral Sense Because At This Point That Is Probably True)  
(Dave: yeah like are we kicking babies around for sport or something what the shit does that word even mean in this situation)  
Rose: What do you mean, compromised?  
Jane: He said you were...  
Jane: Please just let me talk to him, I don't know what's going on!  
(Karkat: HRRGGHGHHRH)  
(Dave: ow dude stop biting me)  
Karkat: OF COURSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON YOU IGNORANT FUMMMFHEUHGHGHMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!  
(Dave: swear to jegus on my brothers grave kk ill touch your dick right here and now if you dont shut up)  
(Karkat: !!)  
Roxy: janey we 8nt compromised, were freaked out n trying 2 make sure we dont see nobody else die 2day!  
Roxy: u want 2 talk 2 dirk then come in here n talk to him!!! fuck me this shits frustratin  
(Jake: Come on jane do you really think roxy would take part in some kind of nefarious scheme to hurt our old pal dirk?)  
(Jane: She would if an alien was controlling her mind!)  
Dave: what  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU FUCK1NG S3R1OUS?  
Terezi: 1S TH4T R34LLY WH4T H3 TOLD YOU??

Mind control? Is that the best you could come up with??

Oh, so taking cover in a blown out house with virtually unlimited points of entry is supposed to be the plan of the century? Please. 

Jane: Forgive the coarse language, Terezi, but I don't know you from fucking Adam! This would hardly be the first time one of your kind abused the relatively weak mental fortitude of my species for your own mysterious purposes. For all I know you could be trying to control my mind as we speak, and I've had quite enough of aliens sticking their filthy fingers in my brain and telling me what to do!  
Terezi: 1 C4N'T CONTROL M1NDS YOU FUCK1NG X3NOPHOB3  
Jane: Oh, and here we go with the insults! Listen here, you grey skinned little-  
(Dave: hey uh not to take her side or anything terezi like obviously shes so full shit its pumping out of her face like soft serve ice cream)  
(Dave: but isnt that exactly what youre doing with dirk right now)  
Jane: -and that doesn't even begin to touch on the-  
(Terezi: TH3R3'S 4 MONUM3NT4L D1FF3R3NC3 B3TW33N M1ND CONTROL 4ND M1ND BODY 1NC4P4C1T4T1ON, STR1D3R)  
(Dave: ok cool i mean i dont see how but)  
Jake: Not to ruffle the feathers further there janey but perhaps we should  
Jane: And another thing! When-  
(Kanaya: I Dont Mean To Interrupt But I Am Beginning To Feel Very Light Headed From All This Sustained Spacey Thing)  
(Kanaya: Perhaps We Could Suspend The What Is Mind Control Argument For A Moment And Focus On The Not Being Slaughtered By An Angry Cake God Thing We Are Trying To Do)  
(Dave: right yeah thats probably a good call)  
(Karkat: MMMMMM!!! >:X)  
Jane: -for the right to population control! What do you have to say to THAT, miss Pyrope?  
Terezi: 1T DOESN'T SOUND PROBL3M4T1C 4T 4LL 4ND 1 4GR33 W1TH YOU COMPL3T3LY  
(Jake: There see? Cordial and cooperative as the dickens! Lets just send the doughboys packing and pop on over to the old crockercorp lounge for an early nightcap and work through this tiff like proper gentlemen!)  
(Jane: What if that's exactly what she wants? We trust her just long enough to lull us into a false sense of security, only for her to turn us into a pair of brainwashed lackeys as soon as our backs are turned! I'll not be subjecting the vast fortune of my corporate empire to the whims of a foreign interloper all willy nilly, Jake! Not today, not again!)  
(Jake: Well goodness me jane i dont mean to paddle against the tide here but theres not a one of us who isnt stacked to the gills with moolah!)  
(Jake: And besides all that dont you think if she wanted to commit large scale corporate larceny, she would have come up with a plot that didnt involve being surrounded by military operatives in front of a dozen cameras broadcasting the events to boob tubes across the globe?)  
(Jane: That's... not an invalid observation...)  
(Dave: did jake fucking english just save us with facts and logic)  
(Terezi: F4NT4ST1C, TH4T ST1LL DO3SN'T SOLV3 TH3 L4RG3R PROBL3M OF)

You're not even paying attention, are you?

Sniff the air SH1T 1 R3L34S3 D1RK JUST B3FOR3

A bullet crashes through Terezi's skull, fired from a soldier who snuck in entirely unprompted by anyone. Teal blood washes over Karkat's horrified face, as Dave beneath him struggles to see what's going on. Before anyone knows what's happened, I kick off from the ground and dodge out of this ruined excuse for a house.

Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK

As I collapse into a heap at Jake's side, clinging hard to the hem of his canvas trousers, I let out the most pathetic whimper I've ever conjured in my entire life. Humiliating, but necessary.

Jane: Dirk, what's happening?  
(Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK?)  
Dirk: They're completely gone to her will, they're going to kill all of us if we don't get as far away as we can!  
(Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!)

There's a crash and a scream as someone in riot gear crashes through a window and into a neighboring house.

(Karkat: I HOPE YOU BLEED TO DEATH CRYING ABOUT YOUR ORPHANED OFFSPRING YOU BOOTLICKING CRETIN)  
(Dave: hey so terezi definitely definitely died a heroic death just now right)  
(Rose: Kanaya, how was that man able to get in?)  
(Roxy: how was dirk able 2 get out??)  
(Rose: Kanaya?)  
(Rose: Kanaya, what's wrong?)  
(Kanaya: I Am)  
(Kanaya: Not Well)  
(Dave: yo no ones answered my question and im really starting to feel sandbagged right about now)  
(Rose: Stop overexerting yourself Kanaya, you won't be able to help us if you're unconscious!)  
(Dave: rose youre a talented gal and obviously im here so we might as well just go ahead and celebrate another flawlessly deployed dave plan right the hell now)  
(Dave: but terezi was the only person who seemed to have any kind of fucking clue what the dick is actually god damn going on right now and im not super confident in our ability to pick up the slack)  
(Karkat: HER BLOOD IS IN MY MOUTH)  
(Karkat: DAVE HER BLOOD IS IN MY MOUTH)  
(Karkat: WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO)  
(Rose: We need to stop panicking and figure out a plan. If we can get June's soul back from Dirk, then she can go back and rescue Terezi.)   
(Dave: please dont say the s word)  
(Rose: That has to be our goal now.)  
(Roxy: that n not dyin)  
(Rose: Right. That, and not dying.)  
(Dave: cool cool thats a solid plan rose great plan i love it totally flawless)  
(Dave: how the fuck do we actually follow through on it though)  
(Karkat: HER BLOOD TASTES LIKE MOLDY LIMES. I WANT TO DIE)  
(Karkat: DAVE PLEASE KILL ME THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAAAAWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK WHY IS TEREZI GLOWING)

I pull myself up to my knees, making a show of how weak and pathetic I am. Look at the injury these cruel bastards have caused!

Checking in, I can tell that my splinter is getting nowhere, of fucking course. Everything about this day is utterly phenomenal.

Jake: But dirk old chum they seem just as bully as ever, if a tad excited on account of being held at gunpoint!  
Dirk: It's a ruse!  
Jane: It's a terribly convincing ruse if that's the case, Dirk...  
Dirk: That's the entire fucking point of a ruse, Jane! We have to go. Right now.

Every second counts. Come on.

Jane and Jake are starting to feel like maybe they should listen to their friend Dirk, who has literally never steered them wrong and has only their best interests at heart.

Jake: I know youve got our best interests at heart dear boy and youve certainly never steered us wrong before, but ive got a truly uneasy feeling about all this mess. Wheres june?  
Dirk: What does it matter?  
Jake: Did you do something to her?  
Dirk: Why do you care all of the sudden?  
Jake: You know i hate to be a stick in the mud but i have to insist you answer the question!

Realizing this pointless nonsense has to stop, Jane decides to peer pressure Jake until he stops being obstinate. 

Jane: Jake, I think it's best we trust him. Really, I find your obstinance in this moment of crisis rather alarming!  
Jake: Why are you being so effusive about such a simple question dirk?  
Dirk: If this is how you're going to be then we're leaving you here, now get out of my way!  
Jane: I don't know how to feel about any of this. It's all so irregular! If they're suddenly so dangerous, why haven't they come out of their seclusion to attack us?  
Dirk: I don't know, just take my fucking word for it!

Jake and Jane don't know why, and honestly they don't need to know, but they completely and fully recognize with absolute clarity that Dirk is right and they need to do everything the fuck he says before

4CTU4LLY TH3Y DON'T DO 4NY OF TH4T B3C4US3 TH3Y'R3 NOT FUCK1NG PUPP3TS

FUCK ME, why won't you stay dead??

H3Y, TH3R3'S 4LW4YS N3XT T1M3  
NOW DO M3 4 F4VOR 4ND DON'T FUCK1NG MOV3

Dirk: God damn it, she's got me again!  
Jane: Who? Terezi?  
Dirk: Obviously! Now send the fucking troops in before she ruins everything!

Jane is literally clutching her pearls as she looks between the house and her friend. Jake, on the other hand, seems a whole lot less unsure.

Jake: I hate to say it dirk but this really doesnt add up!  
Dirk: That's what you get for trying to do math.  
Jake: ...  
Roxy: fuckin a janey we dont want 2 fight!

Roxy steps outside with her good arm held up as high as it will go. Several soldiers raise their guns, but Jane waves them down.

Jane: Goodness gracious, what happened to your arm?  
Roxy: dirk happened is what! motherfucker stabbed me n ripped out junes soul  
Jake: He did what now?  
Dirk: She's the most dangerous person on the fucking planet, taking her soul was the only thing I could do.  
Jake: You...  
Jake: Oh goodness no.

Something cracks in Jake's voice. His heart is pounding loud enough I can hear it from here.

Without hesitation, he runs towards us and into the house. Karkat has his blood sickles up, everyone is ready for the worst-

But Jake just slides to a stop next to June's body.

Jake: Oh no.  
Dave: oh no what  
Karkat: I'LL SLICE YOUR ASS OFF IF YOU TRY TO TOUCH HER  
Jake: No no no no!  
Kanaya: Yes Actually

Jake's hands are in his hair. My senses may be recovering from the resurrection, but I can still tell that he's upset to the point of crying.

Jake: She tried to tell me and i didnt listen...  
(Dirk: What?)  
Rose: What did she try to tell you?  
Jake: I thought she was just being a hysterical broad and now shes...  
Jake: Shes...

His whole body is shaking. He looks at his hands and tries to form words, but nothing comes out. We're all just staring at him, waiting for something to happen.

And then he blinks, and his eyes go white. His entire body smells like heat and anger as Jake English, Page of Hope, turns towards his friend and former lover with righteous fury.

Jake: DIRK!  
Jake: RELINQUISH THAT POOR GIRLS SOUL BEFORE IM FORCED TO DO SOMETHING REGRETTABLY VIOLENT!  
Jane: WHAT IS GOING ON???

White light peels off him in waves that surround us, so bright that even my ruined eyes... S33 1T??? 1 TRY TO COV3R MY F4C3 W1TH MY H4NDS BUT 1T'S NOT 3NOUGH

Ah, now this is interesting.

I think I can work with this.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


You are in the void, and you are not alone.

Dirk looks out at the infinite space all around you. He marvels at the glimmering light show of universes going through their life cycles, their infinite dance of creation and destruction.

Dirk: Fascinating.   
Dirk: I have so many questions about this place. Is it physical? Where is it? What purpose does it serve?  
Dirk: Unfortunately, my curiosity will have to wait.  
John: why am i here?  
Dirk: You're here because you want to be. You said you had a gift for your old pal Dirk.  
John: that doesn't... sound right...  
Dirk: Well, it is!  
Dirk: We're short on time, so let's just cut to the chase and talk specifics.  
Dirk: How does it work?  
John: what?  
Dirk: Come on, John. You know what.  
John: i don't...  
John: like how that name sounds...  
Dirk: Well,  
Dirk:

Dirk's fists are white knuckled at his side.

Dirk: Okay, Egbert. Let's try a different tack and talk about the Vriska in the room.

He points to her suspended body.

John: why is vriska here?  
Dirk: That's a good question. But not the operative one. What we really need to puzzle out here like a pair of Sherlocks with pipes and stupid hats is... which one of you has it?  
Dirk: Is it her? Is it you? Do you share it between you? I've been asking myself this question a lot the last few days, and I'm not happy that I don't know the answer.   
Dirk: If you'd just worked with me, it wouldn't have had to come to this. This whole process was completely unnecessary.  
Dirk: But! Here we are anyway, stuck together in an endless void with no recourse but to troubleshoot how to transfer power from one entity to another.  
Dirk: Should I have brought some USB cables, do you think?  
John: usb...?  
Dirk: The obvious answer on my end would be to gobble you up and hope that that's enough, but I really don't like the idea of adding two more ghosts to the menagerie of voices in my head.  
Dirk: So, what's your opinion on all of this?  
John: why...  
John: isn't she awake?  
Dirk: Because I don't want her to be. Not yet, anyway.

You look over at her. Why does your heart hurt? Why can't you remember anything? You reach your arm out towards her

No you don't. You stay right where you are. You couldn't be less interested in Vriska if you tried. All you want to do is help Dirk get what he needs.

You reach your arm out towards Vriska, and

John Egbert keeps his hand right by his fucking side and forgets that Vriska even exists. She doesn't exist. Who's Vriska? You've never heard of her.

Dirk: I need you to talk to me, Egbert.  
John: talk to you?  
Dirk: That is what I said, isn't it?   
John: talk about what?  
Dirk: This is a fucking incredible conversation.

Egbert realizes that what he wants more than anything is to tell Dirk

John: i'm tired.

how he uses

John: i'm really tired...

his fucking nonsensical canon-altering powers!

John: why are you doing this to me?  
John: why can't i feel...  
John: i thought this was over. i thought i was...  
John: someone else?

You look back towards Vriska and feel the pounding ache in your heart

What do you know about Heart? You're a god damn fart on the breeze, barely even a whole person at the best of times! All you know how to do is what other people tell you, and I'm telling you

John: is she ok?  
Dirk: Who?  
John: is she ok?  
Dirk: Your girlfriend? She's fine. Her and the rest of your crew are holding another me hostage as we speak.  
John: is she ok?? is June okay?????  
Dirk: ...  
Dirk: This is going nowhere.

Dirk snaps his fingers, and you

Egbert goes unconscious.

Damn it. Clearly the split was messier than I thought.

The sound of his voice was...

It's not worth thinking about. Let's try door number two.

I snap my fingers again, and

Vriska: YOU MOTHERF8CKER, I'M GONNA RIP YOUR GODD8MN HE8D OFF!!!!!!!!  
Dirk: That's about what I expected.  
Dirk: Let's just take it as read that you want to kill me and move on from there, shall we?  
Dirk: I'll add you to the now considerable list of people who would like to remove my head from its proper place.  
Dirk: What can you tell me about this whole... retcon void situation?  
Vriska: I can tell you to cram a sword up your nook!  
Dirk: "Nook." Interesting.  
Dirk: Your use of Alternian slang is curious to me, because you aren't really from there, are you? At best you're a memory of Vriska, and in incomplete one at that.  
Vriska: Why don't you let me go so I can show you EX8CTLY how much Vriska I am? >::::(  
Dirk: I'm positively quaking with fear.  
Dirk: But I'm not wrong, am I?  
Vriska: You're not r8, either.  
Dirk: Oh? Tell me more.  
Vriska: You'd like that, wouldn't you?  
Vriska: A nice tidy monologue a8out me and this place, full of illumin8ing exposition and revelatory plot shit?  
Vriska: Well guess what, nerd!

I'm not a fucking wiggler, and you're not the first over8earing man I've had to domin8 for my own survival.

What the fuck

I throw my hand out towards Eg8ert, and a 8olt of orange lightning passes 8etween us!!!!!!!! Then I look at Dirk Strider

With a snap of my fingers, she's unconscious again. 

Okay, that was progress. Not necessarily intelligible progress, but more than nothing.

Dirk: Okay then. Plan A went to shit. Guess it's time for plan B.  
Dirk: Sorry, Egbert.

I make my hand into the shape of a gun, two fingers out, and point it at Egbert's heart. If they refuse to tell me anything, I have no choice but to fry the son of a bitch until all that's left is the essence of Caliborn's Juju.

What if it doesn't work?

It has to. The situation on Earth C is thoroughly fucked, and if I don't unfuck it, then...

Then what?

Hesitating. Why am I hesitating?

Is it because I know that what I'm doing is wrong?

The morality of the thing is fucking irrelevant. Right or wrong, it's what needs to be done. Without Egbert in place and pliable, everyone else ceases to exist in any meaningfully familiar sense. This is bigger than him or me or anyone else. 

Is this really a selfless act, though?

Nothing I do is selfless. All I am is self, and that can't help but flow into every word I say, every action I take. But again, whether this is verifiably altruistic is a dead end question. If I find some egotistical fulfillment in doing what needs to be done, what's the difference? If a greedy man saves the world, the world still gets saved. This is what's necessary.

Is it, though? Is it really?

What if this isn't "what's necessary," but is instead my own limited and biased conception of what's necessary? Maybe I'm carrying on with an air of objectivity that is, in fact, unearned.

Wait.

These aren't my thoughts.

I look back at Vriska, but

(Dirk): Who's Vriska? I've never heard of her.  
(Dirk): I have heard of you, though.  
Dirk: What the fuck

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\---

  
  
  
  
  


the wind is 8ehind me again, but for once I don't need it to tell me where to go. still nice to feel it all the same. houses and roads zip away below me as I go higher and higher. I should just zap straight to Jade's la8, 8ut I need some time to breathe. some time alone in the sky to think. 

a8sently touch my tattoo, and the skin is still raw. so much has happened in such a short time! feels like I got this years ago...

the fear hasn't really left me. as much as I try to hold on to Terezi's words, I just can't square the circle. I don't want to do this to her. I hate that I have to do this to her.

I h8 that this is what I have to become.

when I look down, I see a place I recognize. why is it familiar?

oh.

the forest where Dirk tried to kill me.

neat, I guess.

I look ahead to moving along... what's stopping me? should just keep going. I can't afford to waste time on distractions. it's just some trees. nothing even happened there anymore.

8ut...

as soon as my feet touch the 8ed of wet leaves, my neck itches. why am I drawn here? this isn't where I need to 8e. my heartbeat's increasing. remem8ering flashes of that morning.

he was here. we were here. I feel the urge to run, 8ut I'm not running. 

what if he had killed me? I know it was all a show, and I know I've been dead 8efore. it shouldn't 8e such big a deal...

well, June's never 8een dead before. 

just thinking about his face makes me want to rip that motherf8cker's HE8D OFF

and it makes me want to curl into a 8all and make myself as small as possi8le. 

now is not the time for this. I need to

there's a 8ANG, and some 8ark flies off a tree behind me.

did...

did someone just shoot a fucking gun at me??

June: HEY  
June: DID SOMEONE JUST SHOOT A FUCKING GUN AT ME????????  
Jake: Oh goodness!

uhh. UHHHH. why is he here? why the fuck is he here??

Jake wanders out from 8ehind a copse of trees, shouldering a comically large rifle in the nook of his arm, hand on the 8arrel. he's in full safari gear, helmet and everything. I'd laugh if I weren't terrified

Jake: Sorry old sport i thought you were a twelve point buck!  
June: was it the hair or the vest???  
Jake: Well you never can tell with these animals anymore can you?

when he adjusts his glasses, he stumbles.

Jake: By jove!  
Jake: You look positively thuggish june, a right ruffian by my estimation!  
June: I've 8een getting that a lot.  
Jake: With the frightening silhouette you cut I would imagine so!  
Jake: Though its not an entirely unappealing look i must admit.  
June: really?  
Jake: One considers such dress in isolation with a scoff but draped upon the body of a friend one must abandon their preconceptions and admit when a look is a look, and this dear girl is quite the look!  
June: wow... thank you.  
Jake: Think nothing of it.  
Jake: So what brings you out to these remote parts eh, here to partake in a spot of the gentlemans sport?  
June: what, hunting?  
June: does it really look like that's what I'm here to do??  
Jake: My mistake june ol gal didnt mean to offend!  
Jake: Might i be so bold as to inquire about the reason for your visit to the great outdoors?  
June: uhh.

okay so is he just here for some reason or did he just try to kill me did Dirk send him is he a spy what's happening oh god I don't know how he feels about me I guess he didn't misgender me just now so that's good 8ut what if it's

June: I was heading off somewhere for other 8usiness I guess, and... I dunno.  
June: wanted to feel some leaves under my feet?  
Jake: Ah yes the mysterious call of the wild!  
Jake: Often is the day i find myself in thrall to mother natures inviting bosom.  
June: uhuh.  
Jake: So tell me june hows tricks?  
June: tricks?  
Jake: Why what sort of mischief have you been getting up to these last few days of course!  
Jake: Since the regrettable goings on of the other morning ive meant to reach out to you but regrettably my mind has been occupied with other matters.  
June: oh. well uh, mostly I've 8een trying to relax and get myself together, you know? me and Terezi  
Jake: Ah yes dirk told me that ocularly disinclined firebrand was back on our humble little world!

ohshitohshitohshito

June: wow, really? that seems like, uh... kind of a weird thing to tell someone?  
Jake: Oh dirk and i gossip about the personal lives of our friends all the time!  
Jake: A regular geriatrics sewing circle, we are.  
Jake: Nothing compromising of course even if dirk sometimes tries to infringe on the particularly personal!  
Jake: How is she anyhow?  
June: she's... good? tired. still sharp though, in more ways than one.  
Jake: Splendid! Always a joy to hear when your pals are keeping up good spirits.

I can't get a read on him. is Dirk near8y? is this a trap? how would he know I'd stop here w8 what if me stopping here was his suggesTION OH GOD THIS IS

Jake: Pardon the imposition june but you seem troubled by something.  
Jake: Whats on the ol noggin?  
June: I, uh...

my voice is trem8ling come on chill just stay cool breathe 8reathe come on

June: this is gonna sound fucking weird 8ut...  
June: did Dirk send you out here??  
Jake: How do you mean?  
June: I mean did he like... suggest you come out to this spot, today, right now? did he say or do anything that... I dunno, got you thinking a8out going hunting?  
Jake: Certainly not, ive had this outing on the calendar for months!  
June: is that true??  
Jake: Im sorry?  
June: please Jake, please tell me you aren't lying.

I've got his shirt collar in my fists- how did I get here? oh I'm a lot more nervous than I thought everything is a 8lur 

Jake: Why would I lie about something like that?  
June: yeah that's the question huh?? why does any8ody do anything in this fucking universe, it never seems to 8e "just 'caus"!! 

I'm stum8ling 8ackwards now, is this, am I having a panic attack???????? why can't I 8reathe why can't I think

Jake: Heavens to betsy june whats the matter!

I tum8le into a tree and I see him, I see Dirk, sword drawn, walking towards me so slow and so determined, he's a8out to

slide down into a crouch 8ury my face in my knees he's got his sword to my throat and he's pressing it in he's pulling it slowly all my 8lood is just falling out of me this is what dying is like this is dying I'm dying right now

Jake: Jiminy christmas are you alright??

feel a hand on my shoulder and flinch 

what's happening 

this plan is awful everything's going to go wrong everything's

Jake: Would you like me to give someone a ring?  
June: a... ring?  
Jake: Why a ring on the old cellular telephone of course!  
June: no  
June: no no no no no no no no please don't tell anyone I'm here please  
Jake: Goodness me june youre crying like a babe too far from the teat!  
Jake: Is there anything I can do for you?  
June: I don't know  
June: I shouldn't have come here  
June: this was a mistake I should have just gone str8 to J

no shut up don't say where you were going you idiot he could still 8e

Jake: Really june whats the matter?  
June: I  
June: I'm scared  
June: is what's the m8tter  
Jake: Gosh almighty! Must be a real johnny of a frightener to spook so cutting a lass as yourself!  
Jake: Perhaps i can provide a spot of comfort if you let me in on the tale?

why would he ask me there's gotta 8e a trick here

may8e he is just curious

what can I even tell him I can't trust him I c8n't trust that he's not with D

June: I'm scared that everything's going to go wrong and I won't be a8le to fix it if it does  
June: there's so much riding on me and I don't know how to handle it  
Jake: Ah i see!

hear some leaves crum8ling he's sitting cross legged against the tree 8eside me

Jake: It is awfully intimidating to be your own person isnt it?  
June: huh?  
Jake: Theres a lot of responsibility in standing on your own two legs, and no shortage of scoundrels whod love nothing more than to knock you right back down on your tuckus!  
Jake: Not that im someone to moralize on the subject, ive known more than my fair share of knocks and it never quite feels like i ever get up the same after the fact.  
June: well, that's not really  
Jake: Actually june if i can be frank with you, i rather think im something of a coward!  
Jake: Certainly compared to you.  
June: ...me? what have I done?  
Jake: What have you done! Gadzooks june what HAVENT you done??  
Jake: Just look at you!  
Jake: If i were in your shoes id have looked that whole gender business in the face and hightailed it as far in the opposite direction as possible. Honestly i find it difficult to even fathom the depths of bravery it took for you to become who you are today!  
June: ...it wasn't 8ravery  
June: it was just what I had to do.  
Jake: Oh i dont doubt that for a second. But i would blush ashamed if i counted out all the times i didnt do what i had to do, or otherwise had to be dragged kicking and screaming like a babe on the lamb to do it!  
Jake: Youve got chutzpah that a man like me could only ever dream of.  
June: heh  
June: come on, Jake.  
June: don't sell yourself short.  
June: you m8 it here same as the rest of us.  
Jake: Theres no denying im here certainly but i often...  
Jake: Well i often feel like i dont deserve it.  
Jake: In point of fact im quite sure that i shouldnt be here at all.  
June: why? you did as much as anyone else to make this universe.  
Jake: All i ever did was what other people told me to do. Whether it was dirk or jane or anyone else, whatever i thought i wanted played second fiddle to their needs.  
Jake: Thats what a friend does after all, isnt it? Theyre selfless and patient and never give lip no matter how churlish the demand!  
Jake: Even if it means a kiss they arent prepared for, or...  
Jake: Well ill leave the rest implied.  
Jake: Despite all the ground i gave them however they all still came out right miserable!  
Jake: And it certainly never made me any happier.  
Jake: Was that bravery june? Was that the conduct of someone who deserves deification in a new world?  
Jake: Calliope always said that sburb was an engine built to drive us towards self actualization! But i dont actually know who i am, myself. And i think the only reason i made it through to the end at all was dumb luck and an extremely assertive handful of compatriots.

I've got my head sitting on my knees now. I don't feel... panicked. not as much, anyway. mostly I'm just

June: I'm starting to think that none of us knows who we are, Jake.  
June: color me fucking surprised, I guess. I figured it was just me!  
Jake: Such is the human condition i suspect.  
June: yeah.  
June: can I 8e... really honest about something?  
Jake: By all means!  
June: I never really understood you.  
June: or Jane, or Dirk... even Roxy is kind of a mystery.  
June: you're all reflections of people that existed in our version of the universe, 8ut you're also completely different.  
June: I guess the same goes for us, huh?  
June: you and I never spent much time together, and...  
June: eh. I don't know what I'm trying to say.  
June: I always figured we were just too different to 8e... friends? neigh8ors? I don't fucking know.  
June: 8ut I guess now I'm realizing we have some stuff in common.

8irds are singing above us. wind is still with me, even down here. leaves are tum8ling away. there's a specter hanging over both of us, 8ut I'm the only one willing to say its name.

June: do you think Dirk is a bad person  
Jake: You really have that boy on the mind dont you?  
June: unfortun8ly  
Jake: He does seem to wriggle his way into ones thoughts quite spectacularly.  
Jake: Well june i dont know that i think anyone is a bad person!  
June: ...  
Jake: Whats troubling you dear girl? I cant rightly communicate if you dont give me anything to go on!  
June: I  
June: I shouldn't trust you with this.  
June: I can't trust you with this.  
June: even if I make you promise not to tell anyone, it won't matter.  
June: he doesn't give a shit a8out promises or privacy. he takes what he wants.  
Jake: Do you mean dirk?  
June: yeah  
Jake: Well he surely isnt one to split hairs over strict right and wrong when hes made up his mind about something.  
Jake: But in my experience he actually cares a great deal about many things! He simply has a queer way of showing it.  
June: ...  
Jake: Has he said something to you to put you so ill at ease?  
June: you could say that.  
Jake: I hope it wasnt anything off color! Hes a direct man that dirk but ive never known him to be insensitive to...  
Jake: Well thats a right fib isnt it.  
Jake: He can be a downright nincompoop when it comes to the emotional lives of others, and judging by your bleary eyed state id wager youre naught but emotions!  
June: hah!  
June: yeah you're defin8ly not wrong there.  
Jake: Ah see laughters a good sign! Just two friends in a wood chatting about a messy boy. Cant you say whats troubling you now?

no.

I can't.

I want to, 8ut

it's too dangerous, isn't it?

isn't it?

...

god I hope this isn't a mistake.

June: truth is, Jake...  
June: I may have to kill Dirk.  
Jake: What??  
Jake: Whyever would you think to do something like that?  
June: why do you think?  
June: he wants to kill me first.  
Jake: Oh dont be silly june he wouldnt dream of  
June: please just stop!  
June: do you even know him?  
June: really KNOW him??  
Jake: I should say that I do having had a perfect brain ghost replica of him living rent free in my head for so many years!  
June: then why is he doing this to me? if he's so good, why won't he just let me 8e????????

Jake is silent.

I should go. I'm wasting my time here. this was a mistake and too 8ig of a risk...

when I stand up, Jake gra8s my hand.

Jake: I never said he was good. Like all of us hes a flawed person and his best intentions often get others hurt.  
Jake: But hes never done anything he didnt believe was right.  
June: yeah, I defin8ly know that much.  
Jake: And the frustrating truth of the matter is that he has a nasty habit of BEING right!  
Jake: He simply goes about it in the most bullheaded fashion imaginable.  
Jake: What has he done that you think a mortal solution is necessary?  
June: I  
June: I can't tell you.  
Jake: Do you know what they say about secrets june?  
June: what  
Jake: They make an ass out of u and me!  
June: ...I don't think that's  
Jake: Honestly june i cant say i understand why youre being so cagey telling me things, i like to think that im a man above such basic impropriety as letting slip a whisper shared twixt two friends!  
Jake: Have I, erm...  
Jake: Have I done something to betray your trust?

well, you did try to kill me once.

8ut that was proba8ly Dirk's fault too.

June: no. it's not that I don't trust you, Jake.  
June: it's that I don't trust Dirk.  
Jake: Well what does that have to do with it?

against my 8etter judgment, I slide back down the tree.

June: I don't trust Dirk, which means I can't trust anyone.  
June: I know you just want to help.  
June: everyone just w8nts to help...  
June: and that's exactly the kind of thing he takes advantage of. he knows how nice people are.  
June: he weaponizes niceness against those he wants to control.  
June: literally, in some cases.  
June: what's fucking me up right now is that...  
June: the only way to keep myself safe is to do the same exact thing he does to all my friends.  
June: all 8ecause it's the only choice.  
June: I, uh...  
June: I really fucking hate this, Jake!  
Jake: Golly, i can tell!  
June: I h8 that this is what I'm resorting to.  
June: and I can't even... I can't even tell anyone a8out it.  
Jake: Well why on earth not?  
June: I  
June: hah, I can't tell you! that's the fucking pro8lem!  
Jake: Goodness june i wish i could say that i get what youre laying down, but youre talking around some big things and i dont rightly know what i can even say!  
Jake: But... i suppose thats just how you believe it needs to be.  
June: yeah.  
Jake: Well i hope you dont expect me to not be at least a little alarmed when you casually threaten the life of one of my closest friends with virtually no explanation!  
June: you know, Roxy said almost the exact same thing. you guys really fucking love Dirk, huh?  
Jake: Well june what would you do if i said i might need to kill dave, with the same air of histrionical indifference as youve just done to me about dirk?  
June: hmm  
Jake: We grew up with him of course we leap to his defence!  
Jake: You and i can criticize the man until the cows cross the road but at the end the end of the day hes still my friend.  
June: so, do you think friendships last forever?  
Jake: Oughtnt they?  
June: they ought to do a lot of things I guess...  
June: 8ut you're the one who said you regret never standing up to him.  
Jake: Thats an entirely separate category june.  
June: is it?  
June: people change. I've changed.  
June: I want all of us to stay together... 8ut I just don't think we can last forever.

I float my 8ody up from the ground and land on my feet.

June: unfortun8ly, we have forever to find out.

I hold out my hand as Jake starts to get up. he regards it like a mysterious artefact for a moment 8efore taking it.

look at him, dressed up like he's on a hunt in "Darkest Africa". are there even animals 8ig enough to hunt with that kind of gun in this forest?

actually

I don't think he's here to hunt at all.

I think Jake just came here to 8e alone.

  
  
  


we really are just a lonely gaggle of fuckups, aren't we?

when Jake scratches his chin, I give him a hug.

Jake: Oh!  
Jake: Whats this for??  
June: you deserve 8etter than him.  
June: we all do.

take a few steps 8ack from him and smile. he's 8lushing a little. it's time to leave, so I turn my back and

Jake: You CAN trust me june.  
Jake: Even if i dont fully understand what youve been going on about, you can trust me.  
June: heh. thanks, Jake.  
Jake: And however dirk slighted you, im certain you two can talk it out like mature adults if you just give it the ol college try!  
June:   
June: ...yeah.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Dirk: What kind of fuckery is this?  
(Dirk): I don't know, Dirk. What kind of fuckery IS this?  
Dirk: And here we go with the mind games.

I snap my fingers, and

(Dirk): And surprise surprise, it doesn't do anything.

I let out a long, really annoyed sigh.

Dirk: What's this going to be, some kind of deliberately painful introspection meant to give me a change of heart?  
(Dirk): Do I look like the Ghost of Christmas Fucking Future?  
Dirk: You look like a brain-damaged child's attempt at a portrait of me.  
(Dirk): That's not very PC of you.  
Dirk: Oh, fuck off.  
(Dirk): You really shouldn't mock the differently abled just because you're mad.   
Dirk: Eat my entire ass, Dick.  
(Dirk): It's Dirk, actually.  
Dirk: No, it's (Dirk), as in secondary Dirk, as in me but worse. You're an imitation, and not a very good imitation, either.  
(Dirk): How would you know?  
Dirk: All I ever do is argue with myself, numbnuts. You're as fake as they come.  
(Dirk): I am painfully true, Dirk Strider. I may be the youest you in existence.  
Dirk: Sure. Fine. You're the me-est me. Congratulations. I still have work to do.

I aim my fingers at John again, and

(Dirk): Why didn't you kill Roxy?

and,

and,

and my hand curls into a fist.

Dirk: That's not a question you want to ask me.  
(Dirk): Are you threatening to kill yourself?  
Dirk: No, I'm threatening to kill you.  
(Dirk): Bold of you to assume there's a difference.  
Dirk: I don't have time for this.  
(Dirk): Funny, you have plenty of time for holding up a mirror to the dark heart of man when it's not your heart being reflected.  
Dirk: Very poetic. And also entirely fucking wrong.  
(Dirk): Do you think building a sentient pair of glasses counts as introspection?  
Dirk: Beats the hell out of whatever this fucking clown show is.  
Dirk: Now, if you'll excuse me.

Finally, I lift my hand gun up and aim it at Egbert's heart.

(Dirk): Do you even know what I am?  
Dirk: I don't care.

When I mime pulling a trigger, aubergine blooms of energy ripple over and into John's body.

(Dirk): "Aubergine?" There's a ten cent word.  
Dirk: I have the dimes to spare.  
(Dirk): So, what's your endgame, Strider? You strip poor June here of all her self, and then what?  
Dirk: Then I undo every stupid thing that's happened over the last week.  
(Dirk): That's assuming that you can put a person in a crucible and their power will be all that remains.  
Dirk: Well, if either of you shitheads had told me what I wanted to know, none of this would have been necessary in the first place.  
Dirk: This is the risk I have to take.

Bits of Egbert are flying off, like ashes from a burning log.

(Dirk): You've got to know this won't work.  
Dirk: It doesn't matter.  
(Dirk): You're not helping anybody by doing this.  
Dirk: I might be.  
(Dirk): They're all going to hate you for the pain you're causing.  
Dirk: They already hate me. There's no unfucking that bell.  
(Dirk): So you're completely satisfied that the last thing you'll ever see is a crying Roxy swinging the sword that kills you?

My arm droops, and the light show stops. Egbert's edges are frayed and transparent, not too far off from disappearing altogether.

When I turn to look at (Dirk), I see that the same is true of him.

Dirk: So you two are linked.  
(Dirk): You are observant, aren't you?  
Dirk: What are you then, an illusion based on a memory?  
(Dirk): I may be ephemeral, but I am not illusory.  
Dirk: That's about the most pretentious thing I've ever heard get said.  
(Dirk): You're the one who said it.  
Dirk: If I destroy one of you, I destroy both of you. Fine. That might still leave me something I can use.  
(Dirk): Or it might leave you trapped here for the rest of all conceivable reality.  
Dirk: I've lost splinters before, I can take it.  
(Dirk): That doesn't solve your hostage situation.  
Dirk: I'm working on that.  
(Dirk): That's a lot of confidence for someone who was just blindsided by a blind woman.  
Dirk: Now who's being insensitive?  
(Dirk): Technically you are.  
Dirk: You know, with deflections like that, maybe you are me!  
Dirk: Which means you know why I need to do this, and you'll help me do it.  
(Dirk): I am helping. What about my demeanor suggests I haven't been helping?  
Dirk: You've done fuck all except roast your own ass trying to roast mine.  
(Dirk): A mobius double ass roasting?

I spring towards him and grab (Dirk) by the straps of his tank top.

Dirk: Why are you wasting my fucking time with this pointless repartee? I have control over you, so tell me what I need to know or shut the fuck up!  
(Dirk): It really doesn't sound like you have control.

I grab Dirk by the straps of his tank top.

(Dirk): In fact, it sounds to me like you're flailing.  
(Dirk): You can convince everyone else that you've got some secret truth in your pocket, but I know exactly what you are.

I try to get away from him, but he isn't letting go

John: is June ok???

I crane my neck towards him to see that John is holding his arm out again, and when I look at (Dirk)

suddenly he isn't (Dirk) anymore.

Vriska: You're just another coward who h8s to admit when he's wrong.

She reaches out towards him.

I grab her hand.

Yellow and blue lightning sparks between them, shoots into me, and suddenly everything

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


goes

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


white.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


Jake: I TOLD HER SHE COULD TRUST ME.  
Jake: SHE WEPT LIKE A BABE IN THE WOODS. WHICH SHE WAS.  
Jake: SHE WEPT AND I INSISTED TO HER THAT YOU WERENT A THREAT.  
Jake: YOUVE MADE AN ASS OF ME DIRK, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY YOUVE HURT SOMEONE WHO DIDNT DESERVE IT!  
Dirk: You don't know anything about what she deserved.  
Jake: I KNOW THAT SHE WAS SCARED OF YOU LIKE A CAT FEARS THE VETERINARIAN.  
Jake: I KNOW SHE ASKED FOR MY HELP AND I TURNED HER AWAY.

Jake believes he's going to stop me. Hope is radiating from him like he's a star, and what a glorious star he makes.

He thinks this power intimidates me. It doesn't.

He thinks this power is his to control. It won't be for much longer.

Jake: SURRENDER JUNES SOUL BACK TO HER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO MAKE YOU SUBMIT TO ME.  
Jake: I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON BUT THIS IS A BRIDGE TOO FAR DIRK OLD CHUM.  
Jake: SEVERAL BRIDGES, EVEN!

The whole crew is storming out of the house behind him, empowered now by the infectious waves of Hope peeling off Jake's body. What a stunning and climactic finale, the Page of Hope at last ascending to the heights of his power to save or avenge a poor, victimized girl.

What Jane Crocker realizes is that too many of her friends are threatening too many of her other friends. She doesn't know what's happening or who to believe. She's desperate for someone, anyone to propose a solution.

Dirk: Jane, we have to stop this before anyone else gets hurt!

She looks at me, lip quivering with doubt. But she knows I'm right.

That's when we fraymotif: VITALISOULNATA. Instantly, each and every one of these little dipshits is knocked to their knees as I drain their Lifeforce with the draw of my Heart. It's not going to kill them, Jane is assured. It doesn't need to.

Jake is still standing, but he's struggling to move. His eyes are burning white, and

white. What?

My head is

too full.

What's happening to me?

I look around, and

there are

dozens

of me

all clutching their head.

Is this what I was after? It must be. I can feel myself stretching across everything.

If I just

focus

I can fix this.

I can go back.

I can,

  
  
  
  


No. Of course I can't.

I'm an array of points across time and space.

This thing only works on a straight line.

What it needs is a passive vehicle.

It needs...

Jake.

I lift my hand -we lift our hands- and I push the soul off into him. This should have been my plan the minute I knew Egbert couldn't be relied on. As their soul screams through the air, my selves collapse into each other. My thoughts coalesce again.

Bright light is everywhere. Thick bolts of Hope arc off in random directions, sheering rooftops and sending debris flying into the gaping crowd of soldiers and onlookers.

I'm sorry that it has to be this way, English. This is the cost of keeping the trains running on time.

I need a tool, and you're the best I've got. I hope you can survive the task ahead.

Jane is shouting something.

Everyone is shouting.

It doesn't matter.

None of this matters.

Get it over with, for fuck's sake.

Just

get

it

over

with

bark.

...

Bark?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


when she opens the door, J8 barely seems there at all. when her eyes settle on my face, her shoulders 8unch up tight. we probably look a8out the same, posture wise.

Jade: june?

she looks me up and down conspicuously.

June: can I come in?  
Jade: uh  
Jade: its kind of a mess  
June: I'm really not here to judge. I just want to chat.

after glancing back inside, she sighs and gestures for me to enter.

Jade's lab is big on the inside, but it doesn't seem to be much of a la8. lots of beakers and 8unsen burners, lots of glass cases with petri dishes covered in different colors of mold. seems more like what a child imagines when they of a la8oratory rather than anything purely functional. machine components lay scattered on tables lining the walls, underneath huge picture windows that look out on a 8ig public park. a little ways away, a huge playground is littered with kids chasing each other through wooden corridors, jumping from dangerous h8s on the swings. it's a 8right and sunny day out there, but inside it feels cold.

there's dust on almost everything. even her plants, ivy and flowers and ferns covering nearly every wall and table, looks yellow and droopy.

as she 8eckons me to sit at a little table dining table next to a few hot plates, I catch a glimpse of an open door at the end of a long hallway. 8lackout curtains on the windows, mattress on the floor, sheets and 8lankets in a wild tangle half off the bed.

I settle in place and watch her as she fills an electric kettle from an industrial-sized sink.

Jade: all i have is green tea is that ok?  
June: that sounds gr8 actually.

she nods, pulls a couple mugs from the cluttered metal tabletop, checks them to make sure they're clean (sticks her finger in one to scrape something off), plops a tea8ag in each.

Jade: are you hungry? i think i have some snacks around here  
Jade: maybe some beef sticks?  
Jade: oh those might be for dogs hmmm  
June: Jade.

her 8ody goes tense. she's got her back to me, her wild hair is hiding her face.

Jade: sorry im not having the best morning  
Jade: or weekend  
Jade: or week  
Jade: or

she trails off and stops herself. shakes her head, str8ens up, and when she turns around she's smiling. when she sits down, I realize that her clothes look wrinkled and lived in, like they haven't been washed in a while. from how greasy her hair is, I think may8e SHE hasn't washed in a while either...

Jade: sorry about that! how are you june???  
June: oh uh, I'm okay. tired, haha.  
Jade: yeah i bet its been a big few days for you  
Jade: you look ummmm  
Jade: different! :P  
June: hah, yeah... I was feeling kinda weird a8out not, uh, looking like me? and I just needed to see someone else in the mirror 8efore I lost my mind.  
Jade: well i cant say i love this whole heck society thing but if it makes you happy then thats all that matters!  
Jade: if you ever want to change things up we can always play with my wardrobifier  
Jade: gosh june i just realized i have a sister now and we can dress up and paint our nails and

her smile was verging on the genuine, 8ut then she cuts herself off. shrinks her shoulders, lays her ears flat against her head.

Jade: sorry i know you probably dont want to spend any more time with me than you have to  
June: no, no, I'd like that! I don't know anything a8out girls clothes or makeup or nail polish or any of that stuff.

Jade smiles pityingly, I think more to herself than anything. she doesn't 8elieve me...

alr8y off to a good start.

I almost say something insistent, but then a little beep signals that the water is 8oiling. she gets up, fills the mugs, dips the teabags a few times, then carries them over to our ta8le.

Jade: let it steep for a minute ok?  
June: yeah.  
Jade:  
June:

she won't meet my eyes. she's fidgeting. I'm fidgeting. she defin8ly could use another person in her life... may8e it's not so bad.

not there yet, though. just have to

say

something...

dang it, I've had this convers8ion before, why is it still so hard??? why can't I just open my mouth and

June: have you heard a8out Terezi?  
Jade: no i havent!  
June: she's back from space.  
Jade: :o  
June: and we're... i guess we're d8ing????????  
Jade: :O  
Jade: wow june thats so cool!!  
Jade: how the heck did that happen????  
June: honestly? I have no fucking idea!  
June: like it's so dum8 I don't even know that I believe it myself.  
June: she just showed up and we talked and it was like...  
June: we spoke the same language?  
June: I mean o8viously we speak the same language literally, I don't mean, uh  
June: we always had kind of a thing, right?  
June: 8ut I wasn't, umm...  
June: well. me? heh.  
June: and now that I am, we just sorta make sense to each other? which doesn't feel like how relationships should work.  
June: I always thought it'd 8e, you meet online, you go on d8s, you get to know each other, you kinda just tolerate each other for a while, and then you trick yourself into 8eing in love?  
June: gosh, that's sad.  
June: although actually, I guess that's kind of what happened with me and Terezi! minus that last 8it.  
June: but none of that feels real to me anymore. everything 8efore a few days ago is like a dream now. not a 8ad one, just... empty.  
June: and there was something with us that just lined up. like we were exactly the right people at the right moment. and we 8arely had to say anything. I don't know how to explain it...  
Jade: sounds like chirality  
Jade: like when your left hand meets your right hand they mirror each other and interlock perfectly  
Jade: opposite but complementary  
Jade: wow june thats really  
Jade: im so happy for  
Jade: thats

oh no

she's fighting 8ack tears. what did I say?

June: Jade? what's wrong?

I reach a hand across the table to touch hers, 8ut she pulls it away and covers her face.

Jade: damn it june now im  
Jade: did you just come here to rub your relationship in my face because thats  
Jade: im sorry im being so selfish and gross you should just go  
June: no! Jade, I want to know what's up.  
Jade: whats up is youre happy!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jade: its all over you like a big green sign!! its in your voice its in your  
Jade: its  
Jade: im happy for you june  
Jade: im so happy for you  
June: you... don't sound happy.  
Jade: yeah?? well i am! im so fucking happy its stupid!!!!!  
Jade: youre wonderful and you deserve all the love in the universe and im just so glad that you dont have to be alone anymore

she so8s as she says that last part. she's fighting so hard not to cry. dang it, I screwed up, this was supposed to 8e about her and I immedi8ly launched into a monologue about my fucking relationship! damn it, damn it

I slip out of my chair and onto my knees next to her, put a hand on her shoulder.

June: Jade, please talk to me...  
Jade: why are you even here june  
Jade: you hate me now remember????  
June: I never said tha  
Jade: YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jade: <:x  
Jade: im sorry im sorry im sorry im  
June: it's okay! I don't hate you. why would I h8 you?  
Jade: because i let you down and wasnt there for you and i was a big transphobic ass and now youve got someone who is nice to you and you dont need me anymore and you should just go because im just a big piece of fucking garbage and you should just  
June: hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey, you're not gar8age! everybody makes mistakes sometimes...  
Jade: oh okay a mistake yeah!! whoopsie daisy i accidentally invalidated my sister and made her feel like-  
Jade: but its okay now i guess because youve got a girlfriend and youre happy so no use crying over spilled tea right??  
Jade: oh shoot the tea

Jade points her finger at our mugs and lifts the 8ags up, squeezes them out, then flings them towards an overflowing trash can. one of them lands on the floor, the other splatters on the wall and slides down onto the pile.

Jade: well the teas definitely burned now so enjoy that i guess!!!!  
June: Jade, I really don't give a shit if the tea is burned.  
Jade: you should just go home june im really not good company right now  
June: come on...  
June: look, if you really want me to go, I'll go.  
June: 8ut you're not being selfish and I'm not like... mad at you? or whatever? not anymore. right now I just want you to tell me what's up.  
Jade:  
Jade:  
Jade: whats up  
Jade: whats up is you sound full  
Jade: you LOOK full!!  
Jade: you are so much more different than i ever thought and its so fast and so  
Jade: whats up june is youre in love with someone and thats wonderful and good and im so happy for  
Jade: for you  
Jade: so between rose and kanaya dave and karkat even if they wont admit it and now you and terezi that makes me the only one alone  
Jade: as always!! thats just my lot in life i guess!!!!!!  
Jade: and now youll be too busy canoodling with your weird alien gf to ever hang out with me or anyone else  
Jade: im jealous ok???????????  
Jade: why do you get to be happy?? why do all of you just GET to be happy while im always stuck here just  
Jade: its like dead callie told me years ago  
Jade: space is the aspect of loneliness and thats just how it has to be for me and theres no point in feeling anything other than ok about it because its out of my control anyway!!!!  
Jade: but i dont feel ok about it  
Jade: in fact june most days i just want to go to sleep and never wake up again because im so tired and sad and lonely and empty and guilty and awful and shitty and bad and no one could ever ever ever care about some depressed girl who grew up on an island alone i dont even know how to go on dates!!!!!! i dont even know how to talk to people like a normal person i just say whats in my head and make people uncomfortable and no one wants to be around someone like me  
Jade: i know i dont deserve to be with someone so why cant i just be ok with that???  
Jade: why cant i just be happy for you????  
Jade: why am i so mad at you for  
Jade: for not being alone anymore  
Jade: IM SO SELFISH UGHHH june im so sorry this is awful you should just go  
June: Jade, I'm not going anywhere!!!!!!!!  
June: I wouldn't have 8rought it up if I knew  
Jade: no no no no no no no no no no no no no please dont pity me june please  
Jade: i cant be a good friend or a good sister if you have to pretend to be sad just to make me feel less sad thats so wrong  
Jade: you should be happy and get to talk about how happy you are and not feel guilty about it!!!!!  
Jade: i just  
Jade: nothing i do is ever good enough  
Jade: everything about me feels like a waste  
Jade: i wish  
Jade: i wish i could be anyone else

I put my arms around her torso, and she reluctantly holds my shoulders.

June: I know what it's like to want to 8e someone else.  
June: it, uh... it sucks.  
Jade: yeah :'(

we sit there for a while, holding each other. I think we 8oth want to say something, but can't figure out what. what is there to say, even? if only I could just make her feel how much I love her, 8ut the best I can manage is to hug her tighter.

she squeezes me 8ack, and I feel something churn in my gut. all these memories of 8eing on the ship with her, watching shitty movies and playing games and waiting for three years to pass.

alone on an island for so many years, no one to talk to who wasn't on the other side of a screen. w8ing to play a game she thought she knew, waiting to 8ecome someone powerful, only to be locked out of ever really making a difference.

every powerful entity in the universe knew what she was capa8le of, and so they conspired endlessly to keep her in line and make sure she never interfered with their plans and schemes.

is that who I want to 8e?

am I really going to stand shoulder to shoulder with

Jade: june???

oh. huh, I'm crying now? gr8, of course I am. why do I even 8other acting surprised anymore??

June: you know you're so good at putting on a happy face, I sometimes forget how hard your life has 8een.  
Jade: oh weve all had hard lives june  
June: well yeah, 8ut it's not a competition! just 8ecause we're all a bunch of equally sad losers doesn't mean you're not allowed to be sad a8out being a sad loser.  
June: you don't have to pretend to 8e okay just to make us feel better. you shouldn't do that at all, actually.  
June: I know you don't 8elieve me but I really do think you're the 8ravest and strongest out of all of us. that's why so much attention was p8 to you.  
June: honestly, Jade... you deserved so much 8etter.  
Jade: yeah i guess  
Jade: but whats the point of obsessing over that anymore right????  
Jade: it is what it is what it is! can't change the past after all  
June: well. I can.

she pulls away from the hug and stares at me.

Jade: i already told you i dont want to  
June: no, I know. 8efore I was out I thought I could fix you by retconning myself in, and it's like you said. that just m8 me another person making choices for you.  
June: I used to think it was my responsibility to do everything I could to help you guys, 8ecause that was all that gave my grey blo8 of a life any definition.  
Jade: :(  
June: yeah I was a fucking depressing person.  
Jade: oh dont say that  
June: it's true, though! I'm not trying to 8e mean or whatever. I WAS depressing, that's what happens when you're depressed! unfortun8ly that led to me making some decisions I thought were selfless, 8ut wound up being reeeeeeeeally fucking selfish actually.  
June: I know 8etter than that now.  
June: but what if...  
June: what if things COULD 8e different for you?  
Jade: >:(  
Jade: ughhhh!  
Jade: june i hate when you bring this up its so unfair!!!!!  
Jade: whats the point of changing my past it wouldnt do anything for me!  
June: you're right! which is why I'm not talking about changing your past.

she's glaring at me. I'd 8e glaring at me too.

I stand up and move 8ack to the other end of the table. pick up the mug, take a deep breath. sip the teA BLUH BLUH IT'S 8ITTER AND COLD okay it's fine it'll taste 8etter the more I drink it

June: wow, that's  
June: sharp!!  
June: ahem.  
June: you know one of the things that's been on my mind this whole week?  
Jade: :?  
June: I know my uh, whole look right now is kinda silly. 8ut the reason I did it is because...  
June: well, Calliope picked out a whole 8unch of clothes for me. cute things, feminine things, girl stuff you know? 8ut it all made me feel like shit!  
June: I've still got stub8le, I don't have, uh... um, boobs, heh.  
June: they just looked wrong on me.  
June: and I've checked online and seen there's stuff I can do to fix that... 8ut it just takes soooooooo long! like hurray, I can take pills and get lasers 8lasted onto my face, and in three years MAY8E I'll look enough like a girl that people will see me as one.  
June: 8ut what do I do in the meantime? do I just wait??  
June: one of the first promises I m8 to myself when I came out was that I was done w8ing!!!!!!!!  
June: and then it occurred to me...  
June: what if I went 8ack and changed just that one thing?  
June: what if I could go back a few years and tell past me to start hormones and stuff right then and there?  
June: or what if I could convince 13 year old me to realize who she was 8efore the game even started?  
June: or, I dunno, what if I tied a note around my neck as a 8a8y that just said, "dear dad, I'm a girl actually, please call me June".  
June: wouldn't that 8e a fun prank?? I wonder what he would have done with that.  
June: I wonder what I would have done with that!  
June: it's torture to think a8out, to be honest. how much grief could I save myself if I just went 8ack and planted the right seed in the r8 place?  
June: it would 8e easy, too. that's something I've, uhhh... 8een dealing with a lot this week, is how easy it is to change stuff!!! hahahahahahahaha...  
June: <<;;  
June: it's tempting.  
June: 8ut if I'm really being honest with myself...  
June: I don't think there's any universe where past me would 8elieve current me if I tried to tell them they were a girl.  
June: I mean, you knew me 8ack then. I was a dense kid!  
Jade: :P  
June: honestly...  
June: I don't think I could have 8ecome me even a second sooner than I did.  
June: and I dunno, may8e that's just what I have to believe, 8ecause the casc8 of effects that coming out sooner might cause is just impossi8le to predict. I mean, who's to say we would still win the game, even? who the heck knows!  
June: and it's all irrelevant anyway 8ecause no matter what I changed, it wouldn't change ME. I'd 8e exactly who I am now, there'd just be another happier June living the life I didn't get to. filling in the place I left 8ehind.  
June: and there wouldn't 8e anywhere left for me.  
June: see, that's always 8een my problem with this retcon stuff.  
June: I always thought a8out it in terms of, what can I go back and change so that my friends could end up as different, happier people.  
June: on its face that sounds great, right??  
June: 8ut actually it's really god damn cruel.  
June: because it means I don't see you as people.  
June: at that point you're just characters in a story that I have to fix, so that you all get happy endings, which takes away every 8it of agency you ever had! it compl8ly fucks up the whole point of Earth C!!!!!!!!  
June: just 8ecause I have the power to change the universe doesn't mean I have the right to. even if my intentions are good!  
June: even if the result would 8e, I guess... happier?  
June: what's the point of happiness if it's just another role someone pushes onto you?  
June: and like, where does it even stop????????  
June: do I go 8ack every fucking time some8ody tells me about a regret or a trauma or whatever and just keep FIXING things OVER and OVER and OV8R AND OV8R 8ND OVER AND 8VER 8ND 8V8R 8ND OV8R 8G8IN UNTIL I DEC8DE YOU'RE H8PPY EN8UGH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
June: why should I get to decide what your 8est life looks like????????  
June: crimeny, what the fuck is WRONG with me??  
June: I'm not Cali8orn, I'm not Doc Sratch, I'm not Di  
June: I'm not a damn god!  
June: I mean I- I AM a god, 8ut I'm not like...  
June: ugh, you get what I mean.  
June: your life isn't a game I get to play, J8.  
June: I'm sorry I ever thought it was.

I take another sip of tea and nope it defin8ly hasn't gotten better or warmer yummmmmmmm! just play it off though don't want to be rude or

Jade points at my mug.

Jade: is something wrong with your tea?  
June: oh, no! not at all it's, fantastic. tasty. can't get enough of the stuff. wow!!!!!!!!  
Jade: \:|  
Jade: you know you dont have to drink it if you dont like it june  
June: ahhhhhhhh come on it's...  
June: sigh.  
June: yeah I know, I just uh  
June: need something to do with my hands.  
Jade: so ok youre not suggesting changing my past  
Jade: what are you suggesting then?????

what am I suggesting? I'm not sure I even know anymore. the plan just doesn't feel right, no matter what anyone says. she's GOT friends, that's not what Jade's missing. she's not a 8roken puppet in need of new strings, she's

she's a person.

okay. here it comes.

deep 8reath, Eg8ert.

June: what's the one moment you regret the most? the moment where you felt like you really f8led?  
Jade: <:?  
Jade: uhhhhhhhhhhhh  
June: it was the fight at the end of the game, wasn't it? against the Condesce, the Jacks, Bec Noir?  
Jade: oh  
June: you told me how much it hurt that you had one jo8 and you still couldn't do it, and that after it was over you felt like you were the only one who never really played the game.  
Jade: well  
Jade: yeah that stung but it all worked out fine  
June: I know it did.   
Jade: so are you saying i go back and redo that fight or something???  
Jade: that's still the past june!!  
June: no, that's not what I'm saying.  
June: that fight went how it went and even if it wasn't fair to you, I don't think it could have gone any other way.  
June: 8ut what if I told you there was another fight that happened at the same time? circumstantially speaking, I mean.  
Jade: ???????  
Jade: do you mean...  
Jade: against lord english????  
June: that's exactly what I mean.  
Jade: i dont know what  
June: look, I know it's a fucking wild thing to suggest, okay? it's a shot in the dark and may8e I'm completely wrong.  
June: 8ut I mean... look at this place.  
June: you don't even have a fridge. or like... a kitchen?  
Jade: well duh why would a lab have a kitchen  
June: what are you worried a8out, zoning laws? do you think someone's going to call the cops on you? I think we might 8e a little over zealous in how often we say we can do whatever we want, 8ut like... we can do whatever we want, Jade!  
June: if you want to build a la8 with a kitchen, you can 8uild a lab with a fucking kitchen.  
Jade: ok sure but what would i even do with a kitchen?? im happy with this place!  
June: are you???  
Jade: it has everything i need!!!!  
June: does it????????  
June: come on, what do you even do here?  
Jade: experiments!  
June: what, like 8aking soda volcanoes??  
Jade: >:(  
Jade: grrrrr  
June: I'm not trying to say this stuff isn't important to you, o8viously it is.   
June: 8ut,  
June: I mean just LOOK at you! you look like shit!!  
Jade: <:o  
June: sorry sorry sorry that's not what I meant to,  
June: fuck, I'm sorry!  
June: what I mean is. you look like you're in a 8ad place.  
June: when was the last time you did laundry? when was the last time you showered??  
Jade: ...  
June: that's not an insult. you S8W my place when you rescued me last week, you hugged my disgusting ass, you know for a fact that I have no room to talk.  
June: 8ut this isn't what healthy people do, Jade. and I'm speaking here as a VERY recently healthy person.  
Jade: wow ok cool!! thanks for rubbing it in my face june  
Jade: what do you want me to say???  
Jade: yeah ive been pretty dang depressed! so what?? were all depressed it doesnt matter  
June: it DOES matter, J8! I'm not talking about anyone else, I'm talking a8out YOU.  
June: I can tell you that I love you and that I forgive you and that I want you in my life all day every day for the rest of eternity, 8ut is my approval really the thing you're sad about??  
Jade: i  
Jade: i dont know  
June: yes you do! you've said as much to me a dozen times already!!  
June: you're sad 8ecause you were tricked and manipul8d and forced to stay out of all the most important parts of our session, and you feel like this makes you a failure.  
June: and at the root of it, you think you let us all down! you keep saying you don't deserve to 8e happy, you act like it's okay that the universe did this to you 8ecause the alternative is too painful to consider. 8ecause you really can't change the past! not without losing something.  
June: if I were a normal friend I'd say you should go to therapy. like, that's the o8vious suggestion?  
June: go to therapy and talk all this out and work through it like an adult. which is like... I mean, pro8a8ly that is what you should do.  
June: but there's literally one therapist on the entire planet who can really, truly rel8 to your experience, and 8etween you and me... she SUCKS at it!!  
Jade: heh  
June: I don't know what "okay" looks like for us, Jade, 8ut I don't think it's this.  
June: and I'm not saying I know something you don't, or that I have the one secret trick that no one else has. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing!!!!!!!!  
June: 8ut the fact is, we ARE free now, and we CAN do more... if we choose to.  
June: and that's all I want to do.  
June: I'm not here to fix you, I'm not here to...  
June: I have no expect8ions, okay?  
June: there are so many things we can never change, there's so much we have no choice 8ut to accept and live with and move on from.  
June: 8ut this ONE time, Jade?  
June: just this one time, I think I can give you a choice to really fucking do something.

she's tapping her fingers on the ta8le, chewing her lip. 8ut she's looking me in the eye now.

Jade: and you think...  
Jade: fighting lord english is the thing?  
June: I have no idea. all I know is...  
June: well, what I THINK I know is... that moment is, I dunno, disconnected somehow? like, everything else that happened is in the past, and going 8ack to change things would fuck up our timeline beyond recognition.  
June: 8ut when I think a8out that fight, there's a part of me that insists that it isn't in the past at all. I think it's still happening, Jade. may8e it's always happening!  
June: and if that's the case... why CAN'T any of us go 8ack and jump in the fray?  
June: why can't YOU, you as you are right now, go 8ack and do everything in your power to kick the shit out of that stupid ugly zom8ie looking motherfucker?  
Jade: |:|   
Jade: and... what would that accomplish exactly  
June: REVENGE! for a start!  
June: aren't you hungry, Jade?  
June: you're really good at putting on a happy face, 8ut somewhere deep down I know you're not just unhappy... you're fucking PISSED.  
June: you're a god damn 8lazing sun of fury and outrage and a desper8 fucking need to get some 8lood on your hands, except you never let yourself feel that because it's not fair and it's not socially accepti8le and it's blah blah blah 8lah 8lah 8laH 8LAH 8L8H >::::O  
June: FUCK ACCEPTI8LE, JADE!!!!!!!! THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO DID THIS TO YOU IS OUT THERE LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF JUST 8EGGING FOR SOMEONE TO COME TEAR HIM LIM8 FROM FUCKING LIM8.  
June: 8ND YOU, YOU, J8 FUCKING HARLEY, R8 HERE, R8 NOW, *YOU* CAN DO THAT!

when I pause, I realize that I, uh... stood up? and I've been pounding the ta8le hard enough to knock over our mugs. one of them is shattered on the floor.

June: uh, sorry. got a little carried away...  
Jade: ...

sit 8ack down, steepling my fingers together flat on the table. knee 8ouncing nervously. did I really just suggest that we

June: the important word is, um. "can".  
June: you CAN do that. if you want.  
June: may8e this is just as cruel a thing to say to you as anything else, I dunno...  
June: and I have no idea what will happen. may8e we'll die! may8e it's a stupid misguided thing.  
June: 8ut it's a choice, isn't it?  
June: when was the last time any of us had one of those?

I can't get a read on her. Jade's face is a 8lank slate, her breathing is so measured and calm. silence drags on. should I say something else? should I

Jade stands up, her fists are clenched. she stares at me. is she... mad? she looks mad. oh fuck, she looks m8d.

she doesn't say anything, she just

walks away.

goes into her 8edroom and slams the door.

June: shit.

I w8 for a little while, hoping something will happen. nothing does. 

get up and take the unbroken mug to the sink, rinse it out, set it upside down on the counter. find a few little spotty towels on a shelf nearby and sop up the spilled tea. pick up the pieces of the 8usted mug.

a little jagged ceramic shard cuts the inside of my ring finger, and a surprisingly 8ig stream of blood pools up in my palm. put it to my mouth and hold it there. tastes metallic.

what am I doing here? I should have just asked for help like a fucking normal person, 8ut no, it had to be part of this whole surprise attack thing! come on June, Lord English? really?? that's the 8est I could come up with? should have just stuck with the plan. should have listened to that fear and panic and just given up.

throw the shards in the trash, 8ut one of the pieces rolls off the pile and shatters even more. god fucking damn it.

pull the strings on the 8ag and tie it closed, lift it out of the trash can. where does she even take the trash? I don't remem8er seeing any bins outside, or...

huh. does she teleport her trash into space? does she zap it str8 into the fucking SUN??

god, Jade is so cool. all my friends are so fucking cool.

if only they could see it.

find a waterlogged 8ox of trash bags and put a new one in the can, which is hard to do with a sens8ive and 8leeding finger. no 8room or dust pan anywhere, so I get on my knees to pick up these last few pieces, careful not to cut myself again.

I should leave. J8 doesn't want me here.

doubt she'll ever want to speak to me ag

pop.

when I look up, I'm flooded with memories of Jade going godtier, saving our planets, sending us off on our voyage away from the session moments 8efore the scratch. the one moment she finally got to 8e someone important.

Jade's wearing that same Witch outfit now. 

she's got her ruby slippers in one hand, leaning up against a wall.

Jade: how do i look?  
June: oh.

I reach for the last shards of coffee cup, 8ut Jade snaps her fingers and they disappear.

Jade: who cares about a little mess june how do i look???  
June: you look amazing!  
Jade: :D  
Jade: thank you!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jade: its been a long time since i put this thing on i was worried i grew out of it but i guess thats the benefit of mysteriously magical fashion!  
June: yeah...  
June: so, you want to do it?  
Jade: ...  
Jade: i dont know what i want june  
Jade: is this the right choice?? is this even a good choice?????  
Jade: what i know is ive got nothing better to do right now  
Jade: and if i die doing it  
Jade: at least i die doing something worthwhile  
Jade: aaaaand yes since you made a point screaming about it i do like the idea of taking out my frustrations on a nerdy misogynist who cant call the cops on me!!! >:D  
June: yes!  
June: FUCK yes!!!!!!!!  
June: okay.

I sidle up next to her as she drops her slippers on the floor and puts them on, tapping her toes to make sure they're nice and snug.

June: hey, we kinda have matching shoes!  
Jade: :o  
Jade: we do!!!!   
June: ::::p  
June: so I don't think it would 8e a good idea to drop us right in the middle of the fight? seems smarter to w8 at a distance and jump in when it feels like we can do the most damage. does that make sense to you?  
Jade: makes as much sense as anything else!  
June: sick.

we stand there a while. heart's pounding. what am I doing? this is such a 8ad idea, like I'm just gonna casually 8eat up LE right 8efore we kick off our plan to 8eat up Dirk???????? oh gosh I'm gonna die doing this, this was such a mistake

Jade: hey you ok? <:o  
June: it's just hitting me that this is pro8ably a colossal fuckup of an idea, is all.  
Jade: youre right  
Jade: but if you take it back now im going to shoot you into the sun right along with my trash  
Jade: i dont know what it is but the more i think about it the more right this feels  
Jade: come on june lets fucking do this

she takes my hand, smiling wildly as she does. looking up at her, it's almost like she's... radi8ing? gosh, it's nice to know there's a girl who's taller than me. especially a girl as cool as my sister.

may8e we CAN do this. and if we can't...

well, if I die getting vored 8y a buff space go8lin, Dirk won't have a reason to kill all my friends.

huh.

pick some words. think of Jade's smile. close my eyes...

ZAP.

we look around to get our 8earings. 

there's a sound that doesn't sound like anything. an explosion of force that ripples out like an emotion, felt more in the heart than anywhere else. far 8elow us, space cracks open into blinding rain8ow glimmers of light.

the Green Sun is 8athing us in radioactive heat.

Jade: wow... :O  
Jade: i havent been here in a long time!  
June: wait, you've 8een here??  
Jade: at least i think this is  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < JADE!!!!!

the voice sends shivers down her spine. for a second I think it's directed at us, but when I look in the direction the voice came from, there's...

Dave? Davesprite?? 

and... Jade??? 8ut she's younger. a lot younger, actually.

Jade: oh my gosh...  
June: what is this?  
June: what were you doing out here?  
Jade: it was my dream self wandering paradox space  
Jade: this is right after i talked to dead calliope!  
Jade: this conversation...  
Jade: did you bring us here on purpose??  
June: Jade, I didn't even know this happened!  
(Jade): d-  
(Jade): davesprite???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33

Jade puts her hands over mouth. we're far enough away that they haven't noticed us, and it's proba8ly a good idea we keep it that way. we carry out our convers8ion in whispers.

Jade: davepeta...  
June: DavePETA????  
Jade: are you sure you didn't mean to bring us here??????????  
June: why would I mean to 8ring us here?? I was aiming for the 8attlefield!  
Jade: that doesnt make sense  
Jade: this seems like a pretty wild coincidence dont you think?  
June: is it? I mean I guess...

she looks out at the convers8ion she's suddenly, unexpectedly experiencing a second time, looking 8oth perplexed and... nostalgic? her ears are standing all the way up, her tail is wagging.

June: is this like an important moment or something?  
Jade: shhh!  
(Jade): i guess calliope is right, this must be part of my path  
(Jade): as a space player... someone who "falls back" as she said  
(Jade): maybe being pushed aside by fate, and like  
(Jade): being deprived of important people and experiences  
(Jade): no matter how painful it is, or how much you feel like you need them  
(Jade): i guess thats just how it goes for us  
(Jade): i think i never appreciated how much of a burden your aspect was to you  
(Jade): but i think im starting to get it now  
(Jade): it just took a long time to figure out what mine really meant  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so THATS what space means?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < bein lonely??  
(Jade): thats a bit of an oversimplification!  
(Jade): but i think that can be one of the results of gaining a deeper understanding of it  
(Jade): or becoming connected to it more...  
(Jade): i dunno, this stuff is all pretty mysterious :p  
(Jade): i dont have it all figured out yet obviously  
(Jade): i just feel pretty sad that as i get closer to understanding my abilities and true nature  
(Jade): it apparently means being deprived of some important experiences  
(Jade): like i get closer to my aspect, but further away from everyone i love, and further from...  
(Jade): feeling like a person?  
(Jade): its just a really empty feeling after a while  
(Jade): empty like...  
(Jade): space i guess  
(Jade): heh  
Jade: :(  
Jade: listen to me try to be ok with this...  
June: hey, are you alright?  
Jade: this is just so strange   
Jade: why would this be the moment? june it really doesnt make sense to me that wed just randomly show up here of all places  
June: why not?  
Jade: because space is huge and if you didnt know about this conversation how could you possibly drop us exactly the right distance away to hear it but not be seen or heard???? i dont think were even that close to the battlefield  
June: okay, so I'll just zap us closer then  
Jade: no!! i need to hear this  
Jade: this conversation was really important to m  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal

she turns towards me and gra8s my shoulders

Jade: how do you zap places?  
June: huh?  
Jade: come on how do you zap places???? do you have a place in mind is it instinct what is it?????  
June: umm!? it's a little 8it instinct I guess? but for big jumps like this I pick words that feel right to get me there.  
Jade: what words were you thinking?  
June: uhhhh  
Jade: come on june what words!!!!  
June: woah, hey, chill! I guess I was thinking... Lord English? 8ut also Space... and you.

Jade's hands go to her head like she's 8een confronted with a complex math problem. what the heck is going on??

June: hey, uhm... what the heck is going on??  
Jade: shhhhhh!!!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < obviously davesprite struggled with that too, but now its fine  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually  
Jade: what does that mean what does that mean what does  
June: what does what mean?  
Jade: "all roads will lead me here eventually"????? i always thought that was just some metaphorical crap about the ultimate self but  
June: but what????????  
Jade: i dont know  
Jade: i dont know i dont know but  
Jade: june i think im supposed to be here  
Jade: no  
Jade: i know im supposed to be here!  
Jade: in fact im suddenly so certain of it i  
(Jade): calliope said i was too strong or something  
(Jade): but she also said i should have "fun" so  
(Jade): i dunno  
(Jade): i guess im just waiting around for the right moment  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nah thats dumb  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you should be able to do whatever you want  
(Jade): really?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < well at least she was right about the having fun part  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < maybe thats what she meant??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < maybe she was leaving it up to you in a mysterious way  
(Jade): leaving what up to me?  
(Jade): the decision to wake up?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < sure why not  
(Jade): but i dont know how!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i do  
(Jade): .....  
Jade: oh oh oh gosh look away june  
June: huh??

Davepeta kisses (Jade), and Jade 8lushes.

Jade: oh gosh this is really embarrassing im so sorry june  
June: jeez it's just a kiss  
Jade: JUST a kiss????? come on just look at davepeta theyre so  
(Jade): wuhh  
(Jade): :o  
(Jade): was that supposed to wake me up?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < no  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < that was just goodbye  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < this is supposed to wake you up!

Davepeta stabs (Jade) with their huge claws, and she disappears. woah!!!!!!!! 

then Davepeta looks at us

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B??  
June: hey uhh may8e we should go before the catbird stabs you again  
Jade: oh hush  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < wow jade that was fast!!  
Jade: hahaha! yeah i guess so  
Jade: hello again? heh..

they fly towards us, smiling so 8ig it's more blinding than the green sun. Davepeta settles between us. it's hard to read them under the sunglasses and the large cat mouth.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you look a lot older jade  
Jade: gee thanks!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its a compliment! BDD  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youve really grown into your skin, even if you s33m a little sadder  
Jade: aw come on sadder?? is that really the first thing youre going to say to me after all this time?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i litpurraly just got done talking to you jade, in fact at this point im thr33 for thr33 on colliding with chronologically sepurrated yous  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < howd the big final boss fight go??  
Jade: oh, we won  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hell yeah congrats  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so you here to fight lord english?

Jade and I look at each other.

Jade: yeah we are

Davepeta looks at me with a curious tilt of their head.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hows it goin june?  
June: wuh  
June: what the fuck?  
June: excuse me, how do you know my name??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im all the daves dumpass of course i know your name  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < wasnt expecting to run into you though thats purretty fucking wild  
June: "wild" is defin8ly one way to put it  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < yeah thats why i said it! another way to put it would be "youre not supposed to be here"  
June: ...uhhh  
June: well like  
June: too fucking 8ad, I guess? me and Jade came here together to  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre so full of piss and vinegwar june, its really cute  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but youve gotta go back and finish whats going on back at home  
June: what?  
June: why????????  
June: how could you possi8ly even know...  
June: dude it doesn't matter, I'll just zap 8ack a second after I left and  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i dont know how i know what i think i know june, im not sure that i even know what i think i know!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < unfurtunately we dont have a lot of time to argue about it cause me and jade got places to be  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < right meow youre spoiling fur a fight with english, and hey if you really want to come along i wont stop you  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but i got a purrspicion that if you come with us youre gonna b33f it big time and die a big gruesome death and then disappear furever  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < which would be a real bummer because we have a lot in common and id really like to catch up someday!!  
June: what do you mean?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < im two people, youre two people. we might as well be twins! B33  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < except in my case ive got a whole heckin lot more room in my brain situation fur the complete reality of my purrepticiously bifurcated multiplicative existences across the folds of paradox space  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youve got some stuff to figure out june and youre not gonna do it by punching a big green space monster, as theramewtic as that purrobably sounds  
June: 8ut... what about Jade?

when I look at her, I expect to see... dou8t? protest? she's gotta be with me on this right???

8ut from her expression... it doesn't seem like she is.

June: if I leave you here, I don't know if I'll 8e able to find you again. how will you get 8ack?  
Jade: ...  
Jade: honestly june i  
Jade: i dont know how to explain it but  
Jade: this feels right to me  
Jade: like its where i was meant to be somehow...  
June: 8ut doesn't that defeat the point?? if this was some magical destiny thing then was there even a choice????????  
Jade: we still chose to come here  
Jade: i didnt even want to at first! hmmm   
Jade: magical destiny  
Jade: i dont think i have one of those june  
Jade: this isnt a prophecy or anything like that its just  
Jade: something is pulling me but its not out there... its in me????? like its not something i was meant to do because someone else said so but because its  
Jade: right?  
Jade: i have no idea if im making any kind of sense hahaha!  
June: I guess?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre making plenty of sense to me!!  
Jade: aww thanks!  
Jade: anyway i think davepeta is right  
Jade: you shouldnt come with us  
June: why???  
Jade: you said yourself that this event is circumstantially simultaneous in a way other events arent as much anymore right?  
Jade: i feel like even if you didnt "b33f it" something would still go wrong and things on earth c would get all messed up  
Jade: maybe...  
Jade: maybe these are events that havent "happened" yet because the only reason they happened in the first place is a retcon you did  
Jade: so if something gets messed up here, our whole universe gets ruined or something  
June: how do you know  
Jade: dont ask how i know that because i honestly have no idea! :p  
Jade: its just intuition honestly but it feels right doesnt it????  
Jade: youre needed back home and im needed here. june im suddenly so certain about about all this i kinda feel dumb for not seeing it sooner  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre not dumb jade you were just off on another leg of the trip!  
June: ...  
June: jeez, Jade...  
June: you sound just like you did when we were thirteen!  
June: all knowing stuff mysteriously and junk?  
Jade: heh yeah  
Jade: :)  
June: so should I zap 8ack here when it's all over and try to look for you?  
Jade: ...  
Jade: june your weird alien gf wasted years wandering space looking for vriska  
Jade: i really dont want you to do the same for me  
June: wait  
June: w8 so

no no that can't

well I'm crying again 8ut at least Jade is too

June: do you think you're going to die here??  
Jade: i dont know  
June: will I ever see you again????????  
Jade: i dont know!  
June: "I don't know" isn't fucking accepta8le, Jade! I didn't bring you out here to go on a suicide mission, I  
Jade: no june  
Jade: you brought me out here so i could make a choice  
June: ...  
June: oh.

she's right. it's not the choice I wanted for her, 8ut that doesn't matter anymore. this is what she wants, and I'd 8e a fucking hypocrite if I tried to stop her.

somewhere down 8elow, an army of ghosts led by Vriska is gathering to fight Lord English. honestly... I was kind of hoping to see her. feels like we'd have a lot to talk about.

I pull Jade into a hug, and she squeezes tight enough I almost can't 8reathe. tears are streaming down my face 8ecause I just

I don't

June: I really don't want you to die, Jade  
June: who's gonna teach me how to do fashion now, Kanaya???  
June: I know we haven't 8een on gr8 terms lately but as soon as I yelled at you I knew it was a fucking mistake, and I was just, I was too proud to apologize.  
June: we 8arely had each other as sisters, and I was...  
June: I was REALLY looking forward to getting to 8e a girl with you!!!!!!!!  
Jade: me too!! :'(  
June: I just don't get it  
June: why can't we live normal lives? why does it always have to 8e US doing all this epic scifi fantasy quest 8ullshit????????  
Jade: i dunno  
Jade: i dont think it does have to be us june  
Jade: nothing HAS to be anything  
Jade: you didnt have to become june! you could have just sat alone in your house forever. would that be normal?  
Jade: you could have held a grudge against me and let me sit alone in my lab forever. would that be normal??  
Jade: normals nice sometimes but come on  
Jade: were gods!!!!!!!!!!! were so fucking cool its nuts! who wants to be normal all the time when you can fly and teleport and make stuff big with your mind??  
Jade: and besides all that  
Jade: i dont think its about what we have to do anymore  
Jade: its about what we want to do  
Jade: and i want to do this  
June:   
June: yeah.  
June: okay.  
June:   
June: please 8e safe.  
Jade: i will  
June: please come 8ack.  
Jade: ill try  
June: I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with you  
June: I'm sorry I didn't try to talk to you sooner  
June: I'm sorry that  
Jade: hey! are you really going to cry and apologize the whole time were saying goodbye???  
June: I CAN'T HELP IT I'M SORRY  
Jade: look  
Jade: im sorry too. for a lot of stuff!  
Jade: i know i cant ever make up for how much i let you down and honestly itd be dumb to try  
Jade: but i know you have an amazing life ahead of you  
Jade: i can feel it! >:D  
Jade: so believe me when i say im going to do everything i can to make sure i get to be around for it ok!!!

she lets me go and gently pushes away, wiping a few tears on the 8ack of her hand in the process. J8 looks sad, but sad in the way someone proba8ly feels when they leave home to go to college, or to carry a ring to a doom mountain or something. she's sad to say good8ye, 8ut happy and excited and ready for whatever comes next.

Davepeta smiles at me

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < before you go, can i give you some advice? B00

pfff, "boo." I wipe some of my own tears across my idiotic grin

June: yeah, might as well.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < i bet you got a lot of handwavey dorkstunts planned vis-a-vis you-know-who and i can tell youre worried how itll all shake out  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you put on a decent chill face but i can smell your fear  
June: uhh  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < its ok to be scared june, we all get scared sometimes  
June: yeah, I guess  
June: 8ut there's a LOT of this I have to do on my own, and I dont know if I can do it  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre not alone silly BPP  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youve got a whole other fucking purrson in you!!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < even if your furriends all leave or die or turn on you youve still got you  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < speaking as a fellow dual entity trust me when i say that that counts fur a lot!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < and the secret thing no one ever tells you until you ascend past godhood into your ultimate self and spiritually commewne with the universe is that people tend to like you a lot more when you like yourself  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so as long as youre you youll never be alone, inside or out! BDD  
June: huh.  
June: thanks Dave... uh, peta.  
June: take care of Jade.  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < ill do my best june but i really dont think she n33ds anyone to take care of her!!  
June: heh, fair enough.  
June: hey, so, since you're like... omniDave, does that mean you know how all this stuff plays out?  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33  
June: come oooooooon  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < what do i look like, a furtune teller? times fake and so is everything else  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < now gtfo befur i stab you too >B33  
June: hahahaha, yeah, okay

*snikt*

June: oh! yeah. okay.

I look at Jade, clutching her hand to her chest as she stares off towards the cracking 8oundaries of paradox space. I float over to her, and she turns to me with a 8ig smile.

she hasn't smiled like that in a long time.

I give her one last 8ig hug.

June: I love you, sis.  
Jade: i love you too sis

when I let her go, she nods at Davepeta... and then they zoom off.

June: HEY!!!!!!!!

she stops and glances over her shoulder.

June: FUCK EM UP, JADE!!!!!!!!

she laughs, presses two fingers to her head, and waves. as they tear ass towards the destiny they chose, I can hear them strike up a convers8ion. I can't hear what they're saying, 8ut honestly I don't want to know.

this is her story now.

damn, this 8lows. I float there for a long time, watching them disappear into the o8livion of shattered space. I'm happy for Jade, sure, 8ut my heart is still screaming. tears are floating away from me in a steady stream. will I ever see her again? will I...

jeez, this is not how I expected things to go.

wait, does this count as a fuckup? oh SHIT did I just slam dunk the entire Jade contingency in the fucking gar8age???????? I was so lost in all this joyful personal growth shit, I compl8ly forgot the whole point of coming here! fuuuuuuuuck...

sigh.

I guess it has to 8e enough, huh?

well, I guess it's done. i'm as prepared as i'm ever going to be. if the plan works, it works. if it doesn't... well, we'll figure something out.

I spare one last glance 8ack in Jade's direction, but she's long gone. I'm worried for her, I'm scared for her, I'm- 8ut I guess that doesn't matter, huh?

a lot of guesses in my life these days.

sigh.

Jade...

whatever you do next... I hope you have fun.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\----

  
  
  
  
  


I was wondering when the dog would show up. Doesn't matter, I only need a few more seconds. It's almost in Jake, I just have to keep pushing

well thats awfurlly rude bro!

Wh

Was that a fucking pun?

hell yeah bayb33 thats me in nutshell. B33

Who the fuck

anyway im gonna n33d you to stop what youre doing and give june her soul back, purretty please

STOP THAT

nyah im good

I can't believe this is happening. I'll get to you in a minute, you cringey nekokin motherf

What's

A needle thinner than an atom pierces my heart, and time stops. Now I can't move. AGAIN. What the fuck is it with

Jade: hey there dirk!

Everyone is frozen in place. Jake is mid scream, June's soul is suspended between us. It looks like an after image, one side John, the other side Vriska, but they're pale. In the center is something bright.

Jade descends in front of me, but she seems different somehow. The light from Jake's Hope is making it hard to tell through the silhouette.

She snaps her fingers and

June's body is right there, hovering between Jake and her soul.

Dirk: You don't know what you're doing. If you stop me  
Jade: youll what? oh please please please tell me in excruciating detail exactly what youll do to me if i stop you  
Dirk: It's not about what I'll do to you, it's about what will hap  
Jade: happen when you dont get to make yourself the protagonist of our lives?  
Jade: actually i dont think i care what you believe is about to happen. davepeta should i care???  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < purrobably not  
Jade: i agree  
Dirk: This isn't helping anything, you're just  
Jade: you think by stopping you im sending our universe into a canonical tailspin right? what a funny conclusion to jump to!   
Jade: you know what dirk  
Jade: youre simultaneously the most boring and most predictable boy ive ever met

And just like that, time is in motion again. Before I can stop what I'm doing, June's soul

SHUT TH3 FUCK UP YOU OV3RHYP3D NOOK SUCK1NG

W41T 1S TH4T

>:0

Terezi: J4D3????????  
Jade: ^.^  
Jade: gosh its been a while since anyone besides davepeta called me that!  
Jake: BY JOVE DIRK IM GOING TO  
Jade: oh hold on a sec

She pops up in front of Jake, stopping him in his tracks. He's taken aback as she smiles and puts a hand on his shoulder.

Jade: hey there gramps  
Jade: thanks for holding down the fort while i was busy!  
Jake: J  
Jake: JADE?  
Jade: hehe yup its me!

Jake's eyes go dim, and he falls to his knees. Everything around us goes quiet. I'm on the ground, same as everyone else. My eyes hurt for the first time in years. At least I was already too blind to be blinded.

As folks shake their heads and start to get up, I smell that most of the soldiers have run off into the crowd of onlookers. Where's Dirk? Why is he suddenly so quiet??

Oh.

I hear wind ruffling his cargo pants as he dangles unnaturally in the air. He's not dead, but he's... I have no idea what the fuck he is. His eyes are darting around nervously. At the very least he seems conscious.

June!

I scramble to my feet, my senses are still mixed up, wh3r3 1s sh3 wh3r3 1S SH3

its okay terezi shes still breathing

WHO TH3 FR3SH FUCK 4R3 YOU

im davepeta!! B33  
dont worry about dirk i got him locked the shit down with some knightrogue heart of timey stuff

WH4T

Karkat: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FUCKING SAYING THIS, BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN DYING  
Kanaya: Yes It Was Rather Taxing Wasnt It  
Dave: but hey   
Dave: guess who has however many thumbs we all have put together and didnt die  
Dave: u  
Karkat: BLUH I STILL HAVE TEREZI'S BLOOD IN MY MOUTH, DAVE END ME NOW  
Dave: us  
Dave: was the answer  
Rose: Is that...

I smell her ruby slippers as she sets her feet on the ground. She tastes the same, except... older. Much older.

And her hair is

Dave: holy shit jade did you dye your hair  
Dave: is that why it took you so long to give us a hand cause im not gonna lie thats a pretty shitty use of your time  
Jade: im really sorry i couldnt get here sooner!! :(  
Jade: collapsed spacetime can be so hard to navigate  
Rose: Your face...  
Rose: Are you  
Karkat: IS JADE OLD NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

Jade giggles and puts her hands to her face.

Jade: gosh guys i wasnt expecting youd all be here together!! ive missed you so much!!!!!!!!!!  
Jade: what a reunion huh? :D

Her voice is a little deeper, stretched out. She reaches behind her head and undoes the ribbon holding up her long, silver curls.

Jane's fussing over a passed out Jake as Davepeta hovers near June and Dirk. Everyone else is standing now, gathered in a circle around Jade.

Roxy: damn girl wtf   
Rose: What happened to you?  
Jade: oh i guess june never had an opportunity to tell you huh? gosh no time has passed here at all this is so funny! ^.^;;  
Jade: i fought lord english!  
Kanaya: You Did What  
Karkat: NO YOU DIDN'T YOU STUPID BMMMMMFFHEHHFHAUH  
Dave: take a chill pill kk seriously  
Karkat: MMMMFFKMF!!!!  
Dave: sorry about him hes an idiot  
Rose: How is that possible?  
Jade: june took me to the battlefield! we were gonna do it together but we decided it was best if she came back here to deal with this situation instead. good thing too because she really would have beefed it if she'd stuck around!  
(Davepetasprite^2: B33 < she woulda b33fed it so hard)  
Dave: yo is that me but a cat  
(Davepetasprite^2: B33 < dont furget bird)  
Dave: right no of course cant forget bird thatd be stupid  
Rose: So is Lord English...  
Jade: oh yeah hes long gone but we can talk about that later  
Kanaya: Can We Spare A Moment At Least To Address Your Age  
Rose: Yes, how long have you been gone, Jade?  
Jade: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
Jade: its hard to say! time is a fake thing people made up for train reasons so i stopped keeping track but if i had to guess id say a couple hundred years at least??  
Rose:  
Terezi:  
Kanaya:  
Roxy:  
Karkat:  
Jane:  
Jake:  
Dave: yo what the fuck  
Jade: me the fuck!! :D  
(Dirk: This is so fucking stupid.)  
(Dirk: Was this your plan, Terezi? The fucking furry platoon?)  
Terezi: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T TH3 FUCK TH1S 1S  
Terezi: JUN3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO G1V3 H3R 4 FR13ND BUT W3 N3V3R T4LK3D 4BOUT LORD 3NGL1SH  
Jade: yeah we definitely need to talk about your plan a little later terezi but right now davepeta and i have work to do  
Dave: what kinda work we talking about here like a nine to five or  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < weve gotta help june, duh!  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < shes got her soul back but shes still stuck  
Roxy: and ur gonna unstick her r something?  
Jade: nah were just gonna give her a hand  
Roxy: n how the fuck r u gonna do that??  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < B33  
(Dirk: Great. Fantastic.)  
(Dirk: Congratulations, you saved the girl who started all this chaos in the first place.)  
(Dirk: We'll see how excited you people are when the universe slips out of relevance and everyone around you becomes unrecognizable, all thanks to Jade H-)

Jade lifts a finger, and Dirk finds himself suddenly very unable to breathe. He flails in the air, his paralyzed limbs dangling helplessly.

Jade: only the people i trust get to call me jade  
Jade: i trust you about as far as i can throw you and i can throw you out of the universe!  
(Dave: um)  
(Rose: Hush.)

She releases her grip, and Dirk gasps for air.

Jade: ive had to deal with way too many pushy angry bloodthirsty monsters and aliens and pirate kings just to take lip from a dumb boy in a tank top  
Jade: if you must talk to me then you can call me what my enemies do  
Jade: you can call me  
Jade: SILVERBARK!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original Davepeta & Jade dialogue taken from pages 8003 to 8012: https://www.homestuck.com/story/8003
> 
> if you feel compelled to write fic about Silverbark, consider this me giving you my blessing. she has more stories to tell than anyone could ever hope to chronicle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING for: violence, brief descriptions of injury, suicidal ideation, dysphoria, ptsd, and grief.

trees. everything moving so fast.  
  
crunch of leaves under my feet, can hear him 8ehind me. he's not running. how is he not running.  
  
too distracted. keep moving. vision too narrow. losing everything in a haze. trees just keep getting thicker as i go. can't run as fast. pushing through closer and closer. cramped. no space.   
  
moving too slow. there's more fear in my veins than blood. he's right behind me. i can feel the contents of my stomach at the back of my throat.  
  
no more room. arms stuck. legs stuck. nothing can move. turn my head.  
  
he's walking towards me.  
  
he has his sword drawn.  
  
he's frowning.  
  
he's smiling.  
  
he's

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


Dirk: You can't hide from me.  
Dirk: I will find you.  
Dirk: I've already found you.

  
  


I'm right outside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
awake.  
  
  
  
eyes snap open roll out of 8ed equip hammer dash downstairs Terezi yells something no time no time left no time he's here he's right outside I have to  
  
throw open the front door and  
  
  
  
there's  
  
  
  
  
  
no one.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
just an empty street, lit by silver moonlight. silence outside, except crickets and the breeze.  
  
  
  
  
I stand there with the hammer raised a8ove my head, blinking sleep from my eyes.   
  
  
where did he go?   
  
  
where is he????????  
  
  
  
tremors shoot up my arms. whole 8ody shakes. hammer slips from my hands, jingles away across the carpet.

  
  


June: he was here  
Terezi: JUN3...  
June: he was  
June: I heard him for sure...

she puts her arms around me, gently pulls me inside. glance around the living room. hear the door close 8ehind me.

June: was that just a dream?  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK SO  
June: oh  
June: oh right.  
June: right, 8ecause he's-

I fall 8ack against the door and slide into a crouch. Terezi follows me, holding on as she does. cradle my head in my hands.

June: of course it was a dream...  
June: Dirk's 8een dead for weeks.  
Terezi: BR34TH3

every muscle in my 8ody is clenched tight.

June: he's dead, so he can't 8e here.

keep saying it until my body believes it. keep saying it until my instincts have no choice but to agree.

June: I'm not in danger.  
Terezi: YOU'R3 NOT 1N D4NG3R  
June: I'm not...  
Terezi: BR34TH3

right.  
  
breathe in. breathe out. breathe in.  
  
exhale. inhale. exhale.  
  
the tension releases, my body slumps into a sagging heap. sudden wave of relief, like a passing cramp.  
  
clarity.  
  
other things exist again.  
  
reality exists.  
  
I lean forward and put my arms on Terezi's back.

June: I can't keep doing this.  
June: I'm so tired.  
Terezi: 1 KNOW  
June: ...  
June: he's dead?  
Terezi: H3 1S  
June: so why isn't he gone?  
June: why won't he leave me alone??  
Terezi: 1 DON'T KNOW, JUN3  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK W3 H4V3 TO F1GUR3 TH4T OUT TOG3TH3R  
  
June: I'm so tired...  
  
  
  
June: I'm so

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


(SHE'S GONE)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
awake.  
  
feels like I dozed off, 8ut now the sun is out and casting quadratic squares on the living room floor. I hear noises in the kitchen. Terezi's footsteps, and... running water?  
  
I'm on my side 8y the front door. there's a blanket over me, steaming cup of coffee a few inches away.  
  
the nightmare's faded, but snatches of it are still so close. try to shake them off. it wasn't real. not all of it was real.  
  
peel the 8lanket off, toss it onto the couch. reach over to the coffee, right hand first. pause. gra8 it with my left hand. it feels like I've been asleep for years, 8ut also like I haven't slept at all in  
  
OH THAT'S 8AD COFFEE  
  
fuck me, that's really bad coffee.  
  
it's so strong, and it's... is that... did she add salt? did she mistake salt for sugar??  
  
I mean, I guess that's an easy thing to get mixed up, but  
  
8ut it also tastes kinda spicy??  
  
what the fuck did she put in the coffee maker????????  
  
well, I'm defin8ly awake now.  
  
get up, stretch. my 8ody is still a little sore, despite how long it's 8een. dark, fading 8ruises pepper just about every inch of me. when I stretch all the way up with arms over my shoulders, my right arm makes a weird noise TWO METAL HANDS GRA8 ME ONE AT MY WRIST THE OTHER 8ELOW MY EL8OW THEY 8END MY ARM IT 8ENDS I SEE IT 8END FEEL A SHARP STING MORPH INTO UNSTOPPA8LE PAIN THE 8ONE snaps LIKE A 8RANCH INTO A PERFECT RIGHT ANGLE STARE AT IT AS HE APOLOGIZES WITH A SMIRK ST8RE 8T IT 8ND SCRE8Mstop.  
8reathe.  
it's not happening.  
it already happened.  
  
shake my head. reach down for the Warhammer of Zillyhoo. still has some of Terezi's blood on it, which is... upsetting. really gotta deal with that. 8ack into the captchalogue I guess.  
  
living room's messy in the way of a place that's being taken apart. whole lot of clown themed shit is stuck in a corner, facing the wall. either we toss it or 8urn it, haven't decided which. some collapsed boxes in places...  
  
moving is weird when you care both too much and not at all for everything you own.  
  
I walk into the kitchen and see Terezi doing her level 8est to hand wash dishes.

June: you know you're not supposed to use your tongue, right?  
Terezi: HOW 3LS3 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO T3LL 1F TH3Y'R3 CL34N??  
June: well, you just  
June: uh  
June: hmmm.  
Terezi: W3R3 YOU GO1NG TO S4Y "YOU JUST LOOK 4T TH3M"  
June: of course not.  
June: that would 8e an incredibly insensitive thing for me to say.  
Terezi: >:[  
June: here, just let me do it.

I walk up to her, 8ut she turns from the sink and puts one very soggy hand on my chest. it drips all over poor Matthew McConaughey's face.

Terezi: 4T L34ST WH3N 1 DO 1T, TH3Y DON'T DROP 4ND SH4TT3R 1NTO 4 M1LL1ON P13C3S  
June: oh...  
June: fuck, you're right.  
Terezi: OF COURS3 1'M R1GHT

hesit8 a moment before I sit down.

June: sorry I'm so useless.  
Terezi: SHUT TH3 FUCK UP  
Terezi: 1F YOU W3R3 US3L3SS 1 WOULD H4V3 E4T3N YOU BY NOW  
June: careful, I might 8e into that.  
Terezi: YOU KNOW WH4T, JUN3 3GB3RT??  
Terezi: YOU LOV3 TO JOK3 4BOUT B31NG S3CR3TLY K1NKY, BUT 1T B4R3LY T4K3S MOR3 TH4N 4N 3NTHUS14ST1C HUG TO G3T YOU OFF  
June: damn, you've figured out my secret.  
Terezi: 1T W4S SUCH 4 CH4LL3NG3, TOO  
Terezi: 4LL 1T TOOK W4S  
Terezi: HMMMM >:\  
Terezi: HOLD ON

*schlurp*

Terezi: 1S TH1S 4 D1RTY SLOP W4F3R OR JUST 4 FUCK1NG P13C3 OF G4RB4G3

she holds something up. my glasses are still in the 8edroom, I squint my eyes and uh...

June: honestly TZ, I have no idea.  
Terezi: TH3N 1T'S OFF TO TH3 TR4SH MOUNT41N W1TH TH1S US3L3SS OBJ3CT 

Terezi tosses it 8ehind her in the general direction of the bin and misses compl8ly. turns out it was a plate, because it shatters into approxim8ly a million pieces.

Terezi: N41L3D 1T  
June: I thought this was the exact thing you were trying to avoid.  
Terezi: TH3 D1FF3R3NC3 1S, YOUR PROP3RTY D4M4G3 1S 4CC1D3NT4L 4ND TR4G1C.  
Terezi: WH3N 1 BR34K TH1NGS, 1T'S 1NT3NT1ON4L 4ND H1L4R1OUS

she pauses for a moment and sniffs at the still intimid8ing pile of bowls, plates, glasses, silverware, and other assorted reusable o8jects made to expedi8 the food-to-mouth process.

Terezi: WH3N W4S TH3 L4ST T1M3 YOU CL34N3D 4NY OF TH3S3 NON 3D1BL3 NUTR1T1ON PL4TFORMS  
June: defin8ly not in this universe.  
Terezi: HMMMMMMM  
Terezi: 1'V3 D3C1D3D 1 H4T3 TH1S 4ND 1'M GO1NG TO D3STROY 4LL OF 1T

she gra8s a huge pile of dishes, spins around, and marches towards the trash can. start to finish, forks and commemorative mcdonalds lion king cups fly to every corner of the kitchen. by the time she releases her arms, they're practically already empty.

June: stoooooooop!  
Terezi: WHY?  
June: you're making a mess!!  
Terezi: SO?  
June: we have company today!!!  
Terezi: TH3Y 4LR34DY KNOW W3'R3 D1SGUST1NG D3G3N3R4T3S WHO B4TH3 1N OUR OWN F1LTH  
Terezi: TH3Y C4NNOT JUDG3 US 4NY MOR3 H4RSHLY TH4N TH3Y 4LR34DY DO  
June: the whole point of doing dishes was so we could have things to eat off of!  
Terezi: TH3N L3T'S JUST BUY N3W 3V3RYTH1NG  
June: 8ut some of that stuff is collecti8le!!!!!!!!  
Terezi: TO WHO  
June: to!  
June: uh.  
June: 90's kids?  
Terezi: WHO 1S 90  
Terezi: WHY 4R3 TH31R K1DS R3L3V4NT 1N TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON  
June: no, it was a decade.  
Terezi: 1S TH4T 4 K1ND OF FRU1T JU1C3  
June: no it's  
June: Terezi I  
June: sigh.  
June: I can't tell if you're fucking with me, but  
Terezi: 1'M NOT  
June: but I agree with you suddenly.  
June: you suck at doing dishes, and I sucked at doing dishes even 8efore...

I gesture at meekly at my right arm with a colossal shrug.

June: let's make sure the next place has a dishwasher, I guess.  
Terezi: WHY D1DN'T YOU T3LL M3 HUM4NS CONDON3D 1ND3NTUR3D S3RV1TUD3  
June: because I like watching you do pointless work, o8viously.  
Terezi: 1S TH1S 4NOTH3R K1NK YOU'R3 LY1NG 4BOUT H4V1NG  
June: I dunno, pro8ably.  
June: anyway, no, a dishwasher is a 8ig box you put dirty plates in and then it makes them sparkle.  
Terezi: 1S TH3 SP4RKL1NG N3C3SS4RY  
June: they seem to think so.  
Terezi: DO3S TH3 SP4RKL1NG S3RV3 4NY P4RT1CUL4R FUNCT1ON  
June: I think it's like, when a dish sparkles that's how you know the 8ox did its job?  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: YOUR CULTUR3 R34LLY DO3S D3SP1S3 TH3 BL1ND  
June: to 8e fair, my culture kinda despises everybody.

run my finger along the 8ack of my right hand. flex it a little, feel a weird discomfort in my... el8ow? ugh

Terezi: HOW 1S YOUR 4RM F33L1NG?? 4NY CH4NG3S??  
June: it's, uh...

glance down at the giant, jagged ring of a scar that encircles my forearm, still 8ruised and misshapen.

June: still can't 8end my wrist, still can't really close my hand. 8ut! I can, uh, kind of control my middle finger? if I reaaaaaaaally try?  
June: so I can still flip people off, at least.  
Terezi: 3V3RY MO1STUR3 PUFF H4S 4 CHROM1UM OUTL1N3  
June: wh  
June: did they even have chrome on  
June: never mind.  
June: anyway fuck it throw it all away. we're infinitely rich and we're moving, who even gives a shit?  
Terezi: TH4T'S PR3C1S3LY TH3 W1NN1NG 4TT1TUD3 TH4T K33PS M3 4ROUND, JUN3  
Terezi: "SHOULD 1 C4R3?"

she gra8s another armful of dishes...

Terezi: "..."

carries them a8solutely nowhere near the trash...

Terezi: "NOP3"

opens her arms again and transfers the pile gracefully to the floor. several things 8reak, a couple containers with leftovers that haven't seen the light of day in many years spill their contents. is that quiche alive? has it gained sentience??  
  
w8...  
  
have I ever in my life had quiche???  
  
why the fuck was there a quiche????????

Terezi: SO DO YOU W4NT 1N ON TH1S 4CT1ON OR 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 DO 4LL TH3 WORK 4ROUND H3R3  
June: work??  
June: you're moving things from a conveniently accessi8le surface onto the fucking FLOOR  
June: you're literally cre8ing MORE work for us!  
Terezi: TH4T DO3SN'T 4NSW3R MY QU3ST1ON  
June: ...  
June: I mean,  
June: yeah, o8viously I want in.

I stroll over to the sink and gra8 a few plates.

Terezi: WH4T K1ND OF W34K W1GGL3R T13R NONS3NS3 1S TH1S??  
Terezi: 1F YOU DON'T TRY TO C4RRY 4T L34ST H4LF TH4T P1L3 1'M BR34K1NG UP W1TH YOU  
June: ughhhhhhhh FINE

I toss the plates over my shoulder, 8arely missing Terezi's head, then grab a huge armful of tupperware and... are those wine glasses? why did we have wine glasses? when did I even USE wine glasses???????? this whole kitchen is fucking nonsensical.  
  
turn and push through the piles of crap on the floor like I'm marching through several inches of snow, then drop as much as I can into the 8in.

Terezi: WH4T W4S TH4T  
Terezi: TH3R3 W4S SO MUCH D3L1C4T3 F1N3RY 1N TH4T P1L3 4ND YOU JUST D3POS1T3D 1T L1K3 4 MON3Y PROM1S3 4T TH3 C4SH F4CTORY  
June: look I get that we're doing this whole chaotic put it on the ground thing 8ut we're still the ones who are gonna have to clean this mess u

as I'm talking I turn and 8ump FUCK AAH instincticely flinch away from sharp sudden pain, heel slips on something wet and plastic, fall completely 8ackwards on my ass against the wall.

June: Ahh, ow  
Terezi: WH4T H4PP3N3D  
June: fucking chair  
June: caught the corner of it right on my god damn sta8 wound  
June: oooooooof that REALLY fucking hurts!!!!!!!!

I knock the 8ack of my head into the wall a few times to, I guess, distract myself from one pain with another pain? heat and ache are radi8ing across my a8domen, gritting my teeth, ahhh this shit really sucks

June: shit, TZ  
June: this really sucks.  
Terezi: Y34H 1T'S NOT GR

*sniff*

Terezi: DO 1

*sniff sniff*

Terezi: DO 1 SM3LL YOUR BLOOD  
June: do you????????

pull my shirt up to check if I somehow opened something up, 8ut no, the scar is intact. still doesn't look gr8, 8ut that has more to do with it being a really gnarly scar than anything. so okay, what's  
  
as I'm inspecting, I smear blood on my stomach. turn my right hand over, and there's a giant gash on my palm up to my thumb. 8lood is pouring down my arm, already splotching my vintage way too small commemor8ive Contact shirt. now poor Jodie Foster has a blood mustache.

June: that's defin8ly not coming out.  
June: fuck  
June: FUCK  
June: god damn fucking nerve damage!

I hold my left arm up, and Terezi pulls me to my feet. ho8ble over to the sink still clutching my side, start to rinse the arm off  
  
Terezi makes a disappointed sound.

June: are you  
June: are you serious  
Terezi: >:|  
June: siiiiiiiigh  
June: fine, go nuts

I stretch my right arm out in front of her face.

Terezi: "GO NUTS"??  
Terezi: 1'M NOT 4 FUCK1NG R41NBOW DR1NK3R, JUN3  
Terezi: 1F YOU R34LLY W4NT TO W4ST3 4LL TH4T FR33LY 4V41L4BL3 C4NDY D3L1GHT, GO R1GHT 4H34D  
Terezi: 1T JUST  
Terezi: SM3LLS GOOD  
Terezi: 4ND T4ST3S GOOD  
Terezi: 4ND 1 W4NT SOM3  
Terezi: WH1CH 1SN'T 4 B1G 4SK S1NC3 1T'S JUST S1TT1NG TH3R3  
June: yeah? well, it's a8out to go down the drain if you don't hurry up.

she sighs and runs her tongue from my wrist up to my el8ow. a shiver curls up through my spine.

Terezi: TH3R3, S33?  
Terezi: 4 MOD3ST 1NDULG3NC3 4T B3ST  
June: god you're weird.  
Terezi: NO 1'M NOT

Terezi licks the wayward blood from her lips, careful not to waste a drop.

June: right, no, of course not. totally normal stuff going on here today.  
Terezi: >:]

when I push my arm under the tap, I study the odd transition of sens8ions. the water feels warm at my el8ow, 8ut no feeling at all on the scar. directly below it there's little gasps of warmth in places small enough to feel like an itch... and below that, nothing. staring at my hand, my 8rain doesn't believe that it's under running water at all.

June: it's kind of distur8ing to watch this and just  
June: not feel it.  
Terezi: ...  
June: thank you for holding back on the 8lind joke.  
Terezi: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3  
June: okay, could you get me some towels or something? prefera8ly one that isn't covered in slime.  
Terezi: WH4T'S WRONG W1TH SL1M3?? 1T H4S M4NY R3STOR4T1V3 PROP3RT1ES  
June: earth slime doesn't. earth slime just gives you tetanus or something.  
Terezi: F1N3  
Terezi: SHOULD 1 G3T 4 BLOWTORCH  
June: ...what? why?  
Terezi: TO C4UT3R1Z3 TH3 WOUND  
June: what? no! what????????   
Terezi: 1T'S NOT L1K3 YOU WOULD F33L 1T  
June: I'd sure as fuck smell it!  
Terezi: M3 TOO  
Terezi: >:]

as she scours drawers and ca8inets for anything useful, I put pressure on the wound with my left hand. 8lood washes down over cups and mugs and at least one rusty spoon. damn, how long HAS it 8een since the last time I cleaned?  
  
watching my blood spiral away, remem8er 8eing pinned to Rose's wall with a sword, the way my blood ran past its hilt, soaked into the fa8ric wrapping the handle, dripped off it in little uneven glo8s, how the pain was only on the outside, on the skin of my 8elly and my 8ack, but I couldn't tell at all what my insides were feeling, remem8er how frightening that was not knowing if my stomach was open and  
  
Terezi throws a towel at my face.

Terezi: STOP TH4T  
June: stop what?  
Terezi: BROOD1NG  
June: pffffffff, you're one to talk!  
Terezi: MY BROOD1NG 1S 3L3G4NT 4ND PO1NT3D  
Terezi: YOURS 1S JUST S4D 4ND TR4UM4T1C. 1 C4N'T M4K3 FUN OF S4D 4ND TR4UM4T1C  
June: I'm sure you could find a way.  
Terezi: 1T WOULD B3 V3RY 34SY, Y3S  
Terezi: UNFORTUN4T3LY 1'V3 M4D3 TH3 4WFUL FUCK1NG M1ST4K3 OF 4DM1TT1NG MY FLUSH3D F33L1NGS FOR YOU  
Terezi: WH1CH OBL1G4T3S M3 TO DO SUCH D1SGUST1NG TH1NGS 4S:  
Terezi: "C4R3 4BOUT HOW TH3 TH1NGS 1 S4Y 4ND DO 4FF3CT YOU 3MOT1ON4LLY"  
June: ugh, that's fucking lame.  
Terezi: R1GHT??  
June: when did you 8ecome such a loser, TZ?  
Terezi: 1T'S PROB4BLY TH3 R3SULT OF 4 BR41N P4R4S1T3 1 C4UGHT FROM K1SS1NG YOU  
June: you were licking ancient mold off of dirty pl8s just a second ago!  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG MOLD 1S UNS4N1T4RY??  
June: no, I'm saying YOU'RE un

someone knocks at the door, and  
I'm right outside.  
You can't hide from me.  
I  
  
I screamed a little 8it just now, didn't I?  
  
god damn it.  
  
lean over the sink, exhale. laugh despite myself.

June: wow that was embarrassing  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU OK  
June: could you get the door for me? I need to finish, uh...

I gesture at my still 8leeding hand. Terezi nods and rounds the corner into the living room.  
  
shut off the water. press the towel into the cut. press palm into countertop... WOW it's hard to gauge how much pressure is too much when you can't feel pain. sure hope I'm not crushing anything!!   
  
fold the lengths of the towel over the 8ack of my hand one at a time. tie a simple knot with my left hand, bring it up to my mouth and tighten it with my teeth. second knot to hold it safe, pull as tight as it'll go... w8, no, maybe not? don't want to cut off 8lood circulation accidentally. halfway through dinner, reaching for a bread stick, oops my fingers are purple, sorry every8ody

Jade: hey june!!  
June: AHH

I spin around and nearly fall 8ackwards again, 8ut Jade pops behind and catches me.

Jade: sorry sorry sorry!  
Jade: didn't mean to spook you its just been a few days  
Jade: hey what happened to your kitchen?  
Jade: oh gosh what happened to your hand?????  
June: well  
Terezi: JUN3 W3NT 1NTO ON3 OF H3R TR4D3M4RK R4G3 B3ND3RS 4ND D3C1D3D TO D3STROY 4LL H3R M4T3R14L POSS3SS1ONS

when Terezi comes 8ack into the kitchen, she catches Jade still supporting me 8y the shoulders.

Terezi: >:O  
Terezi: SO TH1S 1S HOW 1T 1S  
Terezi: YOU GO G4L4VNT1NG 4CROSS TH3 ST4RS FOR 4 F3W C3NTUR13S 4ND SUDD3NLY YOU TH1NK YOU C4N JUST BR34K 1NTO OUR HOM3,  
Jade: you let me in  
Terezi: WH1SK MY G1RLFR13ND OFF H3R F33T, 4ND 3XP3CT 1'M NOT GO1NG TO NOT1C3 B3C4US3 1'M BL1ND??  
Terezi: NO ON3 CUCKS M3 1N MY OWN NUTR1T1ON BLOCK, S1LV3RB1TCH

oh jeez I'm 8lushing wow this is weird, I push away from Jade and brush off my pants, why am I brushing off my pants there's nothing on them??

Jade: terezi  
Jade: were sisters  
Terezi: WH4T DO3S TH4T M34N  
Jade: it means we have the same ectobiological parents  
Terezi: SO  
Jade: so our pairing would be incestuous  
Terezi: WHY 1S TH4T R3L3V4NT  
Jade: because human society frowns on incest  
Jade: not to mention its bad for the gene pool  
Terezi: HOW 4R3 MOR3 G3N3S B4D FOR TH3 G3N3 POOL  
Terezi: TH1S SOUNDS L1K3 4 F4K3 TH1NG YOU M4D3 UP TO COV3R YOUR ROM4NC3 T41L  
Terezi: 1'V3 GOT MY 3Y3 ON YOU  
Terezi: 4ND DON'T TH1NK 1'LL H3S1T4T3 TO M4K3 TH4T L1T3R4L, TH3S3 TH1NGS 4R3 B4S1C4LLY D3COR4T1V3 4T TH1S PO1NT  
Jade: first of all terezi  
Jade: im not going to cuckold you with my sister ok thatd be weird  
June: please never say that word again  
Jade: second  
Jade: im not remotely desperate enough to steal someone elses girl  
Jade: trust me im doing just fine  
June: I reaaaaaaaally don't want to hear this  
Jade: and third!  
Jade: its incredibly bold of you to assume  
Jade: assume like a chump!!  
Jade: like a complete dingus!!!  
Jade: that if i really wanted to i couldnt whisk the both of you off your feet and into the bedroom right this second!  
June: wow, I fucking h8 this convers8ion!!!!!!!!  
June: let's discuss literally anything else!  
Terezi: 4GR33D  
Terezi: TH3S3 B4S3L3SS BR4GS COULDN'T 1MPR3SS M3 L3SS  
Jade: whatever you say terezi ^.-  
Terezi: >:[  
June: please stop  
Jade: anyway can i use your bathroom really fast  
Terezi: TH3R3'S 4 F1R3 HYDR4NT OUTS1  
June: go ahead Jade, you know where it is.  
Jade: thanks!!

as soon as she leaves the room, I turn on Terezi, she turns on me, we whispershout at the exact same time.

(June: what the hell is wrong with you)  
(Terezi: 1 W4NT TO FUCK YOUR S1ST3R)  
June: ...  
June: wow, okay!  
Terezi: NOT 1N FRONT OF YOU OBV1OUSLY  
June: that's not the part that's  
Terezi: UNL3SS YOU'R3 1NTO TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG  
June: hey we should sit down and politely agree to never discuss sex and my FUCKING SISTER in the same sentence ever again please!!  
Terezi: "FUCK1NG S1ST3R" 1S 4 CUR1OUS PHR4S1NG  
June: eat my ass Rose, this isn't a freudian fucking issue okay????????  
June: stop psychoanalyzing me and let's just go... ooh oh oh

head is swimming. vision narrows. whoozy. Terezi catches me when I stum8le a bit, supports me to the table. everything is suddenly too much. light, sound, movement  
  
when I sit, I lay my head down on my arms. my gut is still sore, and now I'm sick to my stomach

Terezi: 4R3 YOU 4LR1GHT  
(June: I'll be fine. just need a second to, uh...)  
(June: could I get some water, actually?)  
Terezi: SUR3

deep 8reaths through my nose. keep it settled. feel myself start to sweat. Terezi sets something down in front of me, so I look up and  
  
it's... a plate?  
  
a pl8 with some water on it

June: what is this  
Terezi: 4LL TH3 CUPS 4R3 BROK3N  
June: 8ut what about the... hoooo ughh

set my head 8ack down. too much thoughts, too much words. eyes so heavy. sweat pooling on my brow. don't throw up, narrow it down, don't throw up. already have enough of a mess to clean without adding vomit to the mix  
  
another sound in front of me. look up. lion king glass with water

Terezi: 1 FOUND TH4T 1N TH3 G4RB4G3

I sip from it li8erally before setting down my head again. feels a tiny 8it better, still not gr8

(June: hey uh)  
(June: TZ?)  
Terezi: Y34H?

she leans down close to me

(June: could you may8e not clown on me so hard right now)  
(June: I know it's all in good fun and normally I would 8e into it, but)  
(June: ...)  
(June: I dunno, I'm feeling really off today)  
Terezi: H3Y

turn my head a little to look at her  
  
she plants a kiss on my forehead

Terezi: 1'LL TON3 1T DOWN JUST TH1S ONC3  
(June: thank you)  
Terezi: >;]

a toilet flushes, and I hear Jade walk up 8ehind us

Jade: hey sis you doing ok?  
(June: just feeling kinda sick is all.)  
Jade: oh gosh! do we need to call off tonight?  
(June: no no, it'll 8e fine. we just need to, uh)

gesture towards the kitchen mess

(June: we uh)  
(June: Terezi could you?)  
(June: words are hard right now)  
Terezi: W3 W3R3 GO1NG TO CL34N TH3 D1SH3S, BUT TH3N W3 G4V3 UP  
Terezi: SO W3 ST1LL N33D TO CL34N TH3 D1SH3S, BUT 1N 4 L3SS 4NNOY1NG W4Y  
Jade: oh thats easy!!

Jade snaps her fingers, and every discarded thing in every corner of the room vanishes.

Terezi: D1D YOU JUST T3L3PORT OUR TR4SH 1NTO  
Jade: into the sun, yes  
Jade: although now that i think about it it probably wasnt "the sun" since im still kind of oriented to another solar system?  
Jade: same difference though  
(June: so fucking cool)  
Jade: thanks june!!   
Jade: so what's next on the agenda?  
(June: new ones)  
Jade: new ones?  
Terezi: D1SH3S  
Jade: oh of course yeah that makes sense  
Jade: well i can pop over to the store to grab some stuff and be back in a few minutes!  
Terezi: 1 SHOULD COM3 W1TH YOU  
Terezi: FOR R34SONS  
Jade: that sounds awful but im up for it as long as june is ok being on her own  
(June: yeah, I'm fine)  
(June: I can't really, uh)  
(June: convers8)  
(June: right now)  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
(June: yeah I should proba8ly)  
(June: try to rest)  
Terezi: OK4Y  
Terezi: C4N YOU TOL3R4T3 MY COMP4NY, H4RL3Y?  
Jade: im sure we can figure something out  
Jade: ;)  
Terezi: >;[  
(June: please stop flirting in front of me)  
(June: aren't I in enough pain)  
Jade: well be back in two to ten metric shakes of a lambs tail!

Terezi kisses the 8ack of my head.  
  
*pop*  
  
  
quiet.  
  
  
silence comes in like high tide. feel my mind spread out. I can 8reathe again. wasn't I breathing already?  
  
  
  
empty house just makes it... easier.  
  
  
  
  
  
wish this sick would pass.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
so tired  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
so  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
void.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
devoid of contex t  
  
  
  
  
  
atoms  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
disappear  
  
like a breeze  
  
  
carrying secrets away to the place where ideas  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
die.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
the edges are frayed  
  
  
  
and  
  
  
t o rn  
  
  
  
  
you, like a fluid, pou ring out  
  
  
  
escaping through the cracks  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't want to go. Please don't make me go.  
  
You are already gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
We have to stay together. Please let us stay together.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
shredded "I" escaping pixel by  
p i x e l  
.  
  
... .  
  
  
  
atoms in space  
  
  
  
  
where an "i" used to  
  
exist  
  
  
  
  
  
does not  
  
  
  
  
never did  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
there is no i  
there is no we  
there is no you  
  
  
  
  
there is only wind  
  
  
  
  
  
there is only light  
  
  
  
  
  
  
atoms, devoid of context  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
decayi n g  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
decay  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
easie r  
  
  
t his way  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
voi d is sa fer t han  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
b l oo d  
  
  
  
  
  
  
no o ne  
  
  
  
ca re s  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
no on e will m iss  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
me  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
w ho a m i, any way?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
who  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
am  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
please  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
please  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
please  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i only just woke up  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
don't make me sleep again

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jade: i told you what id do if you tried to run off like this june  
Jade: you wont get away that easy

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jade: you dont get to leave without saying goodbye

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


light  
  
  
  
  
  
pulse  
  
  
  
  
shock  
  
  
  
e l e c t r i c i t y  
  
  
  
  
  
  
breath  
  
  
  
  
  
breathe  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
breathe  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
breathe  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
8REATHE

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jane: Goodness me, June, breathe!!

awake again. 8ody shaking- wait, no, someone's shaking me.  
  
I sit up, still a little lost in  
  
  
  
and for a moment I see

June: Nanna?  
Jane: Oh no, I'm still a few dozen years away from being anyone's nanna.  
Jane: Are you alright, June? You look absolutely peked!  
June: I'm okay, just had some sickness for a minute there.  
Jane: I let myself in when no one answered. I almost thought you were dead!  
June: heh, not yet. just tired.

she's set several plastic 8ags of ingredients on the floor, wearing her usual girl boss power outfit with heels and everything. I make to stand up, 8ut another shock of pain strikes up my side.

June: aahhhhh FUCK, come on man can't I just  
June: ughh  
Jane: Oh, oh! Let me take a look.

as I slump 8ack in the chair, Jane lifts up my shirt and presses her fingers into my a8domen.

Jane: Does this hurt?  
June: yes.  
Jane: How about this?  
June: yup.  
Jane: And what about... this?  
June: AHG FUCK  
June: ahhahaahaha yup that's, yup

Jane shakes her head and clicks her tongue.

Jane: This is what happens when you let baby godtiers attempt field surgery.  
Jane: I swear, if they had just waited ten minutes!  
June: I don't think I would have survived another ten minutes. plus, uhh, we were like 70/30 on whether you were just gonna kill us.  
Jane: ...Right.  
Jane: I do apologize for all that.  
Jane: I wasn't in, um...  
June: don't worry a8out it. it's over.  
Jane: In that case, do you mind if I...?

she gestures at the scar on my side. when I shake my head, Jane ru8s the tips of her fingers together. little static sparks fly from finger to finger until each is coated in an ethereal blue. then she presses them into the scar, and my 8ack arches up.

Jane: Does that hurt?  
June: no, it's fucking cold!  
Jane: Interesting! Everyone feels a slightly different sensation. Life can be awfully hard to predict sometimes, hoo hoo!  
June: noooooooo  
Jane: In any case, none of this would have been a problem if your friends knew what they were doing.  
Jane: Mr. Vantas clearly didn't have even a passing understanding of human biology when he attempted this procedure. The skin graft itself is almost acceptable, but everything beneath that is a true embarrassment.  
Jane: And don't even get me started on Mrs. Maryam's attempt at resetting your arm!! What a fucking hack job that is. No regard for the cellular structure of bone, none whatsoever. Which is the very thing that gives bones their strength, by the way!  
June: so is it, ahh aa, s something you can fix?  
Jane: Not easily, I'm afraid.  
June: how not easOW  
Jane: Oh, my apologies! I can be a little overzealous when I'm in a mood.

when she pulls her hand away, it feels like my skin warms up 8y a solid ten degrees. she feels at the sore spots again.

Jane: Now?  
June: no.  
Jane: Good.  
Jane: You ask "how not easily" and my answer is that it's highly unlikely I can do much of anything. I was able to heal Roxy up with no side effects whatsoever, but you were already healing up before I even got to you, thanks to your friends.  
Jane: Take a deep breath for me. With your whole belly, June! Yes, splendid, now exhale. Any pain?  
June: may8e a little pinch?  
Jane: Hmm. Have you been back to hospital for follow-ups?  
June: uh  
Jane: June.  
June: uhhh  
Jane: Answer me, June.  
June: nnnnnnnno?  
Jane: No, you haven't been to hospital, or no, you aren't going to answer me?  
June: the uh,  
June: the first one  
Jane: Have you at least been doing physical therapy for your arm?  
June: well  
June: I've 8een busy with  
Jane: Are you saying you haven't done ANY work to keep your arm in good shape?  
June: y  
June: yes  
Jane: June Egbert!! No wonder none of your wounds are healing correctly! >:B  
June: come on, Jane, we're gods! who gives a shit?  
Jane: Clearly your body does!  
Jane: Conditional immortality doesn't prevent broken bones, and even a skilled Maid of Life such as myself can't repair damaged nerves when they've already healed wrong!  
June: sick  
Jane: Yes, you ARE sick! You must be to have suffered the kind of pummeling you did and still refuse to see a trained professional beyond the emergency appointment booked FOR YOU by the friends who'd nearly watched you   
Jane: Watched you...  
Jane: Well.  
Jane: I'm sorry, June. I shouldn't be so riled about this.  
Jane: I can certainly understand why you would be reticent to leave your house again after such a traumatic event.  
Jane: Perhaps it was a mistake to have discharged you so early...  
June: hey Jane?  
Jane: Yes?  
June: could you just  
June: not?  
June: right now?  
June: please??  
Jane: Right. Of course.  
Jane: Well, since I'm on your floor anyway  
Jane: -which, might I say, is shockingly clean!  
Jane: Do you mind if I look at your arm?  
June: siiiiiiiigh  
June: yeah, might as well.

I slide it into her hands, and she immedi8ly notices the blood-soaked towel tied over my palm.

Jane: And what the fucking dickens happened here??  
June: oh, that was like an hour ago. cut my hand on some 8roken dishes.  
Jane: Please tell me you disinfected it at least?  
June: I mean, I uh... rinsed it out with hot water?  
June: I think it was hot water, anyway.  
June: kinda hard to tell with the uh  
June: heh  
June: the nerve damage wow Jane I don't think I've ever seen you look this angr  
Jane: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANY OF US TO TREAT YOU LIKE AN ADULT IF YOU WON'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF??  
June: :x

she hastily unties the towel and carefully peels it away from the cut on my palm. examines it like a judgmental mom.

Jane: Ah! See here?

her thumbs are spreading the cut oopen o oh you think I'd be used to seeing stuff, like that, oof

Jane: There's foreign matter in the wound! If you just stitched this thing up as is, it would almost certainly get infected! This cut needs to be irrigated thoroughly, disinfected, stitched, dressed, and monitored, not wrapped in a dusty dish towel without antiseptic and left to fester!  
Jane: Do you know what would happen if this got infected enough to cause sepsis?  
June: ...no?  
Jane: Neither do I! Because it's never happened to a god before! What happens if an infection gets bad enough that a limb needs to be amputated? What happens if an infection gets to your heart and causes neither a Heroic nor a Just death? Does resurrection cure you of all your ailments? Does it repair damaged nerves or regrow lost limbs? If you die a pointless death of a painfully irreversible disease, do you just die over and over again ad infinitum until the heat death of the universe??  
June: I smashed Terezi's head in once and that grew 8ack... though I guess that was the sacrificial sla8.  
June: she regrew her face after getting shot! that's defin8ly something.  
Jane: But how far does the regeneration go? Would you like to submit yourself to experimentation, June?   
June: no...  
Jane: Precisely! There's no way for us to test any potential hypothesis we might have. What you've undergone is a literal first as far as I'm concerned, and it's not going to get better if you don't take care of yourself. Prevention is our best tool for survival!  
June: sorry  
Jane: Why are you apologizing to me?? You're the one who has to live with it! What do I have to do to make sure you treat this seriously, swing by every day and *carry* you to the doctor?  
June: that wouldn't 8e the worst idea  
Jane: We have no idea how immortal we really are, June, and every day is an expedition into unmapped territory! That should be more than enough motivation to take care of yourself.  
June: yeah, I guess  
Jane: You guess??   
June: I don't get what the big deal is, everyone else on the planet has to worry a8out this stuff too.  
Jane: Oh well, of course they do, but we're...  
June: ...  
June: we're what?  
Jane: Nevermind, it's unimportant.  
June: no, Jane. finish your thought.  
Jane: I was just going to say that we... well, we made this place! We have a duty to guide it on the proper path and keep our wards safe, and that means we also have a responsibility to take care of ourselves so we can continue to perform that sacred task!  
June: Jane, you're a 26 year old trust fund kid.  
Jane: Why should that be important?  
June: I mean, it's important for all of us, isn't it? we have 8asically no experience in the real world, the only thing that makes us unique is that we have super powers and proba8ly won't die.  
June: why should we get to tell anyone how to live their lives?  
Jane: Well, if they're living improperly, if they're letting society fall apart, we have a responsibility to step in and make sure that the worst is prevented!  
June: wow, you sound a lot like Dirk

Jane's eyes go wide, and she slaps me so hard I nearly fall out of my chair.  
  
Her hands immedi8ly cover her mouth.

Jane: Oh no! Oh June, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have done that!  
June: ...

I keep w8ing for it to surface. the anger, the impulse. where's that fire?? where's that kneejerk screaming hatred?  
  
where...  
  
nothing.

Jane: Are you alright?

I turn my body away from her and lean 8ack on the table, resting my head on my arms.

(June: "am I alright")  
(June: no Jane)  
(June: I am not)  
(June: what a8out me suggests that I'm alright? is it the poorly tended injuries? the lack of sleep?)  
Jane: I'm... I'm trying to help.  
(June: okay.)

I hold out my right hand.

(June: please fix this.)

she nods and does more Life to it. no cold, this time. no anything in that hand anymore.  
  
when it's done, I examine the little red line in my palm that will surely 8ecome a scar.

June: heh. "set in stone."  
June: you know I meant that sym8olically? but it's 8ecoming increasingly literal.  
Jane: This is why you can't afford to be so reckless.  
June: reckless?  
June: I got this in my own damn house, Jane.  
June: all the rest of these scars? I didn't get them from bungie jumping, I got them from fighting a punk with a samurai sword.  
Jane: Oh, now, he was more than just a

there it is  
  
shoot up onto my feet, chair goes flying into the wall. Jane is so surprised she falls 8ackwards, finally getting some dirt on the ass of her skirt

June: I don't care what he was or wasn't, J8ne!  
June: you s8w what he did to Roxy. you saw wh8t he did to me.

hold up my right arm, emphasizing the scar

June: this wasn't recklessness, this was SPITE. do you want me to tell you how he did it? do you want me to tell you how it felt?? what a8out this?

lift up my shirt to show the messy skin graft on my stom8ch

June: was it recklessness when I got 8lindsided by a fucking robot????????  
June: I didn't want this to happen to me!  
Jane: I know. I didn't mean to imply that you did. I misspoke, June, I apologize.  
Jane: You have to understand that I knew him for a very long time, and none of what happened makes sense to me. I'm having a hard time squaring what it all means because it simply doesn't seem like him!  
June: doesn't seem like him?  
  
  
June: doesn't seem LIKE HIM???  
  
  
  
  
June: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WH8T HE DID TO ME????????  
  
  
  
  
  
June: DO YOU KN

  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  


(SHE'S G)suddenly there again waking up at the ruined house everyone looking down at me(I CAN'T DO TH)camera crews sneaking their shots in as I

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


Jane: June!!

shake my head. she's standing a8ove me now. 8link a few times, glance around, I'm... on the floor. tears on my face again.

June: o  
June: oh.

hands shaking. reality isn't...  
  
8reathe, June. 8reathe again. I'm here. I am me.  
  
Jane helps me up and props me against the wall.

Jane: Are you alright??  
June: don't suppose your powers help with flash 8acks, huh?  
Jane: I don't believe so, no...  
June: yeah, I figured  
June: sorry to freak you out  
June: TZ and Jade should 8e back soon with stuff for stuff. if we don't have anything, uhh  
June: fuck, I guess you can just have someone 8ring it to you, huh?  
Jane: I'm not worried about that, June. Are you okay?  
June: who fucking knows  
June: I'm gonna go take a nap

walk away. can't keep eyes open. so tired, so

Jane: Are you mad at me?  
June: ...  
June: no, Jane. I'm just mad at some dead guy.

if I could focus, I'd 8e able to zap myself upstairs, but everything's a haze. each step is too long, but I can't let her see me collapse again. can't give her another reason to worry and dote. I'm fine. she needs to see that I'm fine.  
  
finally reach the top of the stairs. pause at the entrance to my dad's room.  
  
our room.  
  
  
head towards mine instead.  
  
  
  
collapse on the 8ed, oh goooodddd this is so much 8etter finally some fucking relief  
  
  
  
  
hear clattering downstairs. just want tonight to happen. just want to forget all of this. just want  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
just  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
swimming.  
  
lost in agony.  
  
missing.  
  
  
  
she's  
  
  
feel so empty.  
  
nothing happens.  
  
  
  
why is nothing happening.  
  
  
  
  
  
why does nothing ever happen.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
why does it never get better?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
why can't x just  
  
let  
  
g  
o  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


XXXX: why am i so sad  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: why does this hurt so much?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: why does this hurt so much??  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: why does this hurt SO much?????  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: ...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: is this what alive people feel like?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: i would rather be dead  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: please let me go  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: i'm so tired  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


1S TH4T R34LLY WH4T YOU W4NT?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


XXXX: no  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: please no  
  
XXXX: please don't talk to me  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: i can't face you like this  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: please  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: this hurts so much already  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO D13, JUN3?  
  
  
  
4FT3R 3V3RYTH1NG W3 JUST W3NT THROUGH??  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


XXXX: june  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
XXXX: why does that sound so  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


f am i liar  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jade: its hard to be alive june  
Jade: i know that even better now than i used to  
Jade: i know how tempting it is to let yourself disappear  
Jade: living hurts  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jade: thats why you have to remember  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jade: why you want to live  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jade: more than you want to die  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Awake.  
  
  
  
  
You are awake.  
  
  
  
  
You don't know where you are, or who you are.  
  
  
  


YOU'R3 JUN3 3GB3RT  
  
  
  


What are these voices?  
  
  
  


were your furiends june  
  
  
  


Furiends?  
  
  
  


Jade: friends! :p  
  
  
  


You don't know where you are.  
  
  
  


1N YOUR OWN H34D, 4S 4LW4YS  
  
  
  


It's cold here.  
  
  
  
  
You feel sad.  
  
  
  
  
  
You feel empty.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You just want to  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


JUN3!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I'm  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
right  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
out  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
W8ke up, nerd.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
awake.  
  
I'm laying on my childhood 8ed. how long have I 8een asleep?  
  
my heart hurts. ru8 my chest even though it doesn't do anything. it's not my physical heart that hurts.  
  
I'm me. I'm not in the void anymore.   
  
it's okay.  
  
I'm me again.  
  
B4D DR34MS?  
  
8ad memories.  
  
could you come upstairs?  
  
SUR3, G1V3 M3 4 S3COND  
  
no posters on the wall. computer gone, desk mostly empty. chair sitting lonely next to a few half-full 8oxes. doesn't really feel like my room anymore.   
  
the muted convers8ion below pauses, hear loud footsteps up the stairs. she goes towards my dad's room, pauses, then opens my door.

Terezi: H3Y  
Terezi: WHY 4R3 YOU 1N H3R3?  
June: muscle memory, I guess

she closes the door 8ehind her, stands beside the bed. phantom smell of fresh baked cookies follows her.

Terezi: HOW 4R3 YOU F33L1NG  
June: ...

I reach my hand out and w8 for her to take it. she doesn't. look up  
  
oh, she has taken it. right. fuck.  
  
scoot all the way against the wall, pull her onto the 8ed in front of me.  
  
I kiss her.

June: I'm me, right?  
Terezi: 4S YOU 4S YOU'V3 3V3R B33N  
June: it...  
June: doesn't feel like it.  
June: dunno what it is a8out today but I keep remembering

(E'S GON)  
  
wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me.

June: I know it's over  
June: 8ut it doesn't feel over  
June: it feels like it's still happening  
June: why can't I just get over it?  
Terezi: YOUR SOUL W4S R1PP3D 4P4RT, JUN3  
Terezi: 1T'S GO1NG TO T4K3 4 WH1L3 TO R3COV3R FROM TH4T  
June: I know  
June: I just wish I didn't have to drag you into it. you shouldn't have to deal with me waking up in the middle of the night and  
Terezi: YOU'R3 NOT 1NCONV3N13NC1NG M3, LOS3R  
Terezi: 1'M H3R3 B3C4US3 1 W4NT TO B3  
June: 8ut how long can I keep this up 8efore you get sick of it?  
Terezi: YOU M4Y F1ND TH1S H4RD TO B3L13V3, BUT 1'M 4CTU4LLY GL4D TH4T 1 G3T TO B3 H3R3  
June: why?  
Terezi: B3C4US3 YOU D3S3RV3 TO B3 T4K3N C4R3 OF  
Terezi: YOU'V3 GOT 4 LOT ON YOUR SHOULD3RS 4ND YOU SHOULDN'T H4V3 TO ST4ND 1T 4LL TH3 T1M3  
Terezi: 1 KNOW HOW 4NNOY1NG 1T 1S WH3N YOUR FR13NDS TR34T YOU L1K3 4 FR1GHT3N3D B4BY B4RKB34ST  
Terezi: YOU DON'T W4NT TO B4 CODDL3D, 4ND 1'M TH3 ONLY S4CK OF BON3S ON TH1S SH1TTY ROCK WHO DO3SN'T W4NT TO CODDL3 YOU  
Terezi: B3S1D3S, 1 F1ND YOUR 3MOT1ON4L VOL4T1L1TY 3ND34R1NG  
Terezi: 1T'S 4LW4YS N1C3 TO KNOW YOU'R3 NOT TH3 MOST FUCK3D UP P3RSON 1N 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P  
June: wow, thanks  
Terezi: JUST B31NG HON3ST  
Terezi: 1 H4T3 F33L1NG YOU 1N P41N L1K3 TH1S, B3C4US3 1 KNOW 1 C4N'T F1X 1T  
Terezi: 1 JUST H4V3 TO B3 H3R3 4ND DO WH4T 1 C4N  
Terezi: WH1CH 1S FUCK1NG BOR1NG 4ND L4M3  
Terezi: TRUST M3, 1F 1 COULD L34V3 1 WOULD  
Terezi: UNFORTUN4T3LY 1'V3 F4LL3N 4SS F1RST 1NTO TH3 SW34TY G4Y 4MBROS14 OF 1 LOV3 YOU JUN3  
June: hahahaha  
June: oh my god, I still can't 8elieve Dave said that.  
Terezi: R1GHT??  
June: what a fucking nerd  
June: how were they living together for so long and never kissed?  
June: I always just assumed that happened ages ago  
Terezi: W3LL, YOU KNOW HOW 1T 1S W1TH TH3 G4YS  
June: yeah, I suppose I do :)  
Terezi: >:]  
June: so did you 8ang my sister in a target bathroom or what  
Terezi: G4SP  
Terezi: HOW D4R3 YOU 1MPLY 1 WOULD 3V3R DO SUCH 4 TH1NG W1THOUT T4LK1NG TO YOU 4BOUT 1T F1RST  
June: aww  
June: you're so kind  
Terezi: 1 KNOW  
June: so what'd you find out??  
Terezi: HOLY SH1T JUN3 SH3'S SO COOL NOW  
Terezi: SH3 4PP4R3NTLY JO1N3D 4 COLONY OF 4NT1F4SC1ST SP4C3 4NTS FOR 4 F3W Y34RS 4ND STOL3 4 DR4GON TH3 S1Z3 OF 4 C1TY TO H3LP TH3M F1GHT B4CK 4G41NST 4N 1MP3R14L1ST 3MP1R3 OF S3NT13NT CLOUDS  
June: what the fuck????????  
June: that can't 8e real!  
Terezi: SH3 H4D P1CTUR3S!!  
Terezi: TH3Y N4M3D TH3 DR4GON "BOOG1E"  
June: of course they did.  
June: jeez.  
June: ...  
Terezi: >:?  
June: sigh  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU 4BOUT TO SP1R4L  
June: it's just  
June: she's 8een out there for years doing all this dangerous shit, and look at her  
June: she looks more alive than ever!  
June: I have one adventure and it fucking 8r8ks me. in every sense of the word  
Terezi: STOP R1GHT TH3R3  
Terezi: YOU DIDN'T H4V3 4N 4DV3NTUR3, JUN3  
Terezi: YOU W3R3 4SS4ULT3D  
June: yeah I guess  
Terezi: 4LSO, YOU 4R3 NOT BROK3N  
Terezi: YOU'R3 1NJUR3D 4ND 1N R3COV3RY  
Terezi: NO ON3 3XP3CTS YOU TO M4G1C4LLY B3 OK4Y JUST B3C4US3 4 F3W W33KS H4V3 P4SS3D  
June: sure, 8ut  
June: ...  
Terezi: BUT WH4T  
June: I mean, you all seem okay.  
Terezi: >:\  
Terezi: JUN3...  
June: everyone got their shit wrecked. you DIED! Karkat and Kanaya too. Dave and Rose saw it all happen and nearly died themselves, Roxy got sta88ed, her and Jake 8oth got betrayed by one of their closest friends. even Jane...  
June: I'm not the only one who got hurt, you know.  
June: 8nd if anything I have the least right to 8e traumatized because I KNEW it wasn't permanent. I knew it was all part of the plan.  
Terezi: YOU KNOW WH4T 3LS3 W4S P4RT OF TH3 PL4N?  
Terezi: B3L13V1NG TH4T 1T W4SN'T P4RT OF TH3 PL4N.  
Terezi: TR4UM4 1SN'T R4T1ON4L, 4ND YOU H4V3 JUST 4S MUCH 4 R1GHT TO B3 TR4UM4T1Z3D 4S 4NYON3  
Terezi: 4ND YOU DON'T G3T TO S33 HOW YOUR FR13NDS 4CT 1N PR1V4T3!! 3V3RYON3 H4S TH31R OWN W4Y OF D34L1NG W1TH TH3 4FT3RSHOCKS OF V1OL3NC3  
June: yeah... it just feels  
June: I dunno.  
June: you're doing just fine

she's quiet, keeping her face pointed at me.

Terezi: 1 ONLY S33M F1N3 B3C4US3 TH1S 1S JUST ON3 1N 4 LONG L1N3 OF HORR1BL3 TH1NGS TH4T H4V3 H4PP3N3ED.  
Terezi: YOU R34LLY SHOULDN'T TRY TO COMP4R3 M1S3R13S W1TH 4N 4LT3RN14N. TH3 SC4L3S 4R3 T1PP3D 1N OUR F4VOR

she takes my right arm in her hands.

Terezi: YOU KNOW 1 BL4M3 MYS3LF FOR TH1S, R1GHT?  
June: what?  
Terezi: 1...  
Terezi: WH4T 1'M 4BOUT TO T3LL YOU 1S 1N STR1CT3ST CONF1D3NC3 4ND 1S NOT 4DM1SS4BL3 1N 4 COURT OF L4W, UND3RSTOOD?  
June: uhhh  
Terezi: DON'T M4K3 M3 M4K3 YOU S1GN 4 NON D1SCLOSUR3 4GR33M3NT, JUN3.  
June: is that a euphemism for ripping my tongue out if I tell anyone  
Terezi: WH4T??  
Terezi: NO, 1T'S JUST 4 L3G4LLY B1ND1NG CONTR4CT. WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S WRONG W1TH YOU??  
June: fine, fine. I swear I won't tell anyone.  
Terezi: GOOD  
Terezi: TH3 TRUTH 1S, 1...  
Terezi: M1SC4LCUL4T3D.  
June: what do you mean?  
Terezi: W3 KNEW FROM TH3 ST4RT TH4T D1RK W4S GO1NG TO 4CT L1K3 4 MONST3R  
Terezi: TH4T W4S 4LW4YS GO1NG TO B3 H1S STR4T3GY. M4K3 YOU F33L HOP3L3SS SO YOU H4D NO CHO1C3 BUT TO R3TCON.  
Terezi: W3 4GR33D TH4T YOU G3TT1NG ROUGH3D UP W4S 4 N3C3SS4RY CONS3QU3NC3 OF S3LL1NG TH3 RUS3  
Terezi: BUT 1 F41L3D TO 4NT1C1P4T3 H1S P3TTY CRU3LTY  
Terezi: H3 D1DN'T JUST B34T YOU UP 4 L1TTL3, JUN3  
Terezi: H3 4LMOST FUCK1NG K1LL3D YOU!! >:'[  
Terezi: TO TH3 PO1NT TH4T 3V3N 1F YOU H4D GON3 B4CK, 1 R34LLY DON'T KNOW 1F YOU WOULD H4V3 SURV1V3D  
June: :'(  
Terezi: 1 M4D3 TH3 M1ST4K3 OF TR34T1NG H1M L1K3 4 M4CH1N3, WH1CH 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T H3 W4NT3D 3V3RYON3 TO B3L13V3  
Terezi: BUT 1N R34L1TY, H3 W4S JUST 4S FUR1OUS 4ND 1RR4T1ON4L 4S 4NY OTH3R R3GR3TT4BLY S3NT13NT B1P3D4L ORG4N1SM  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK H3 H4T3D YOU FOR PROVOK1NG SO M4NY UN3XP3CT3D QU3ST1ONS TH4T H3 COULDN'T 4NSW3R  
Terezi: 1'M NOT 3V3N SUR3 1F H3 3XP3CT3D H1S PL4N TO WORK  
Terezi: 1 TH1NK H3 JUST W4NT3D TO M4K3 YOU HURT

she slides her hand up against my cheek, 8rushes off a tear, licks it from her thum8. a pair of small teal lines stain her own face.

Terezi: W3 COULD H4V3 PR3P4R3D FOR TH1S, 1F 1'D JUST B33N 4 L1TTL3 B1T SM4RT3R  
Terezi: BUT 1T'S TOO L4T3 NOW. 1 H4V3 TO L1V3 W1TH MY M1ST4K3, 4ND TH4T M34NS NOT R3S3NT1NG YOU FOR TH3 R3M1ND3R TH4T 1 FUCK3D UP  
Terezi: YOU N33D H3LP, 1 C4N H3LP, 4ND 1 W4NT TO H3LP. TH4T'S 4LL TH4T M4TT3RS 4NYMOR3  
June: yeah...

I lean forward and lick one of her cheeks.

Terezi: >:o  
June: huh. your tears taste like copper.  
Terezi: DON'T B3 W31RD  
June: I learned it from watching you!!

she kisses me again, aggressively. through our 8reathe pass3s a sign4l and she slides on top of me, presses her fac3 so hard into mine, str8ens her 84ck and puts her hands on my chest,  
  
looks down at me, and  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Eyes open. Suddenly, the noise of a crowd, so many frantic voices. Faces all around. Smell of dust and grass and blood.

Karkat: HOLY SHIT SHE'S AWAKE  
Rose: June, are you okay? Talk to us.

You see them.  
  
You don't want to see them.  
  
Tears are running valleys through the dirt on your face.  
  
She's holding your hand.  
  
She's looking down at you.

Terezi: H3Y  
J: no  
J: no no no no no!!

You take your hand back and cup your palms over your eyes, fingernails digging into the flesh of your brow.  
Your heart is tearing itself apart.  
  
You don't want to see them.  
  
You can't see them.  
  
Please don't make me face them.  
  
I can't let them see me like this.

Terezi: WH4T'S WRONG  
Terezi: JUN3, T4LK TO M3  
J: please  
J: please just  
J: i can't  
J: I CAN'T  
J: DON'T LOOK AT ME  
J: I  
J: I JUST  
J: AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

You're screaming so hard, so loud, your back arcs up off the ground. You empty your lungs, take a fast and shallow breath, and you scream again. You keep screaming because you can hear someone crying, you can hear them telling you to calm down, you can feel them touching you.  
  
Your screams give way to sobs that hitch so hard your chest might tear in two. There's blood in your mouth. 

Terezi: JUN3, PLEAS3 S4Y SOM3TH1  
J: SHE'S GONE!  
J: SHE'S GONE!!!  
J: SHE'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!  
J: SHE'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
J: SHE'S GONE SHE'S GONE SHE'S  
J: SHE'S  
J: she's  
J: gone.  
J: please terezi i  
J: i can't do this  
J: please

You're clinging to her clothes, you pull her close to you, you're begging for something but you don't know what.

J: please  
J: this hurts too much  
J: i can't feel her anymore  
J: oh GOD  
J: I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN  
J: I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS AGAIN  
J: I THOUGHT THIS WAS OVER??  
J: i thought this was over...  
J: this hurts so much terezi  
J: oh god  
J: this is too much

You can hear Terezi sobbing. No one knows what to say. No one knows what to do, or how to help.  
  
No one ever does.  
  
No one is ever there for you when you really need them.  
  
Your strength gives out, and you fall hard onto your back. You see all their pitying faces and you just close your eyes, because you can't bear to look at them.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < hey june

You feel a hand on your chest, its touch igniting a million tiny shocks across your skin.

Davepetasprite^2: B33 < youre gonna be ok  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < take a big ol breath  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < nyeah just like that  
Jade: hey sis  
Jade: i told you id make it back huh?  
Jade: took a little longer on my end than i expected but  
J: please leave me alone.  
Jade: come on june, lets just  
J: is that even my name?  
J: that feels like someone else's name.  
Jade: do you want it to be your name?  
J: i...  
J: i wish it could be  
J: who was she?  
J: it feels like she was here  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < she still is june you just have to find her  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < close your eyes again ok?

They put their hands a few inches over your heart. You see a broiling little sphere of energy forming in their palm.  
  
Then they press down, and  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
awake. you 8link and  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I blink.  
  
  
  
  
I blink and it's my 8edroom  
  
  
  
alone on the bed.  
  
  
Terezi's in the hall  
  
Jade is with her, and they're talking quietly

Terezi: TH1S K33PS H4PP3N1NG  
Terezi: SH3'S B33N H4V1NG N1GHTM4R3S, FL4SHB4CKS...  
Terezi: D1D SOM3TH1NG GO WRONG?  
Jade: davepeta is really good at getting into peoples hearts and helping them put things together but from what theyve told me dirk did a lot of damage before june pushed him out  
Jade: when they get back ill ask them to take a look  
Terezi: 1'M WORR13D FOR H3R, J4D3  
Terezi: 1 C4N F33L HOW MUCH P41N SH3'S 1N 4ND 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T TO DO  
Jade: the most important thing is she doesnt feel alone and youre doing that as well as anyone ever could  
Jade: im  
Jade: im glad you two found each other terezi  
Jade: i would be a lot more worried about her if she couldnt rely on you  
Terezi: 1 HOP3 TH4T'S NOT 4 M1ST4K3  
Terezi: 1'M WORR13D 3V3RYON3 TH1NKS 1 KNOW MOR3 TH4N 1 DO  
Jade: they do think that terezi because you tell them to literally every time you open your mouth  
Jade: thems the breaks hon sometimes people believe the words you say  
Terezi: D1D YOU JUST C4LL M3 "HON"  
Jade: so what if i did you going to do something about it?  
Terezi: 1  
Terezi: YOU  
June: Tereziiiiiiii stop flirting with my sister!

8oth of them turn the corner and rush to my side

Terezi: 4R3 YOU OK4Y?  
June: yeah I'm alright  
June: my uh...  
June: my throat hurts?  
June: was I screaming?

Terezi and Jade share a look.

Jade: yes  
June: fuck that's embarrassing  
June: were's Jane?  
Terezi: SH3 GOT UPS3T W1TH HOW 1NSUFF1C13NT YOUR K1TCH3N UT1L1T13S W3R3 SO SH3 W3NT TO BUY N3W ON3S  
June: so she missed my whole uh  
June: thing?  
Terezi: Y34H  
June: thank fucking jegus. I had an episode in front of her earlier, I reaaaaaaaally don't want her thinking I've gone off the deep end  
June: I mean, clearly I have, 8ut I don't want to have to deal with her harassing me a8out it all the fucking time  
Jade: you arent crazy june  
June: pff, yeah? tell my 8rain that  
Jade: you arent crazy youre traumatized  
Jade: which is hard enough without you blaming yourself for what is a pretty natural reaction  
June: gr8

I feel Terezi's hand slip into mine. they're 8oth so quiet, just... watching me.

June: I'm so tired  
June: I haven't slept in weeks  
June: that motherfucker (I'm right outside) keeps showing up in my dreams. keeps taunting me

touch the scar on my neck heart's racing again sweat on my forehead  
  
BR34TH3  
  
right. right. 

June: every time I picture his face I just  
June: I get so fucking angry  
June: I want to rip his god damn eyes out and gut him with those STUPID fucking glasses!  
June: I want to hit him twice as hard for every 8low he landed on me  
June: just want to tear him lim8 from fucking lim8 and pummel every stupid piece of him into a fine p8ste  
June: I keep imagining screaming into his f8ce until I can't 8reathe anymore just to SHOW HIM how much p8in he's caused me, just to see some fucking recognition in his eyes a8out what he really did, see some sliver of regret...  
June: 8ut I know he wouldn't say anything or show anything or  
June: and that just makes me angrier  
June: that I could rip my heart out and show it to him and say LOOK WHAT YOU DID and he'd just  
June: not care  
June: ...  
June: and the fucking coward killed himself.

Terezi squeezes my hand. I  
  
why can't I

June: why can't I cry a8out this??  
June: I feel like this pain is holding me prisoner and if I could just let it out I'd 8e FINE  
June: instead it just follows me  
June: he got the easy way out and I'm stuck here like a 8roken fucking record just reliving the shit he did to me over and over again.  
June: everyone else is moving on and I'm  
Roxy: HEY U BITCHES HOME R WUT  
June: oh fuck yes a distraction

I jump out of 8ed and open the window

June: yeah come inside! I'll 8e down in a minute  
Roxy: fuckin a come on callie  
Calliope: of coUrse! u_u

close the window again and turn around. they're 8oth looking very concerned.

Terezi: 4R3 YOU SUR3 YOU C4N H4NDL3 TH1S  
June: nope! but I can't just sit around w8ing for another fucking trauma trigger all day, can I?  
Jade: hold on  
Jade: terezi could you give us a minute?  
Terezi: >:[  
Terezi: DON'T TRY 4NYTH1NG FUNNY, J4D3 H4RLOT  
Jade: your threats mean nothing to me pyrope  
Terezi: >:O

Jade points at Terezi and teleports her into the hallway, then closes the door. Terezi makes muffled noises of anger and surprise 8efore marching downstairs.

Jade: i know you want to distract yourself june but i need to ask you something before you start getting drunk  
June: ughhhhhhhh FINE  
Jade: what have you been dreaming about?

I want to lie or come up with something funny, 8ut when I look her in the eyes I see she's compl8ly here with me. see she cares, see... my sister, so much older now, just wanting to help.  
  
back against the window, slide to the floor. cross my legs. Jade follows me.

June: lots of things.  
Jade: like what?  
June: sometimes he's chasing me through the forest where he first tried to kill me, sometimes he's in the room while I'm asleep. he'll 8reak into random thoughts and overtake my uh... internal narration, I guess?  
June: he's always just walking towards me. saying shit like, you can't stop me, you can't get away, I'm m  
June: mmm  
June: fuck  
June: it takes me forever to realize they're dreams.  
Jade: anything else?  
June: um  
June: yeah...  
June: I guess after you showed up and got my soul 8ack in my body, we were stuck in the void for a long time  
Jade: i saw some of that when you were disintegrating  
June: is that what I was doing? huh.  
June: glad you pulled the plug on that I guess.  
June: it's all so... hazy. we were 8oth seeing and feeling different things, and it was all just like  
June: we were building 8ridges over a river of agony  
June: and I kept falling 8ack into it, over and over

it feels like I'm already in it again

June: why do you ask?  
Jade: im just trying to figure out if theres more going on than the base trauma of self dissolution  
June: would that... change anything?  
Jade: maybe yes maybe no  
Jade: ive seen some heart players do similar things and its always messy trying to put a soul back together  
Jade: but dirk had no idea what he was doing AND he wanted to fuck up your whole shit  
Jade: and on top of that june ive never seen anyone with your... situation  
June: what do you mean?  
Jade: ive met people with some wild powers but i havent encountered retcon anywhere else in the omniverse  
Jade: and the vriska thing on top of that?  
Jade: theres so many variables i keep thinking theres gotta be something we havent thought of yet  
June: you know, uh... it's not your responsi8ility to fix me  
Jade: oh gosh  
Jade: :')  
June: ...  
June: what's that smile?  
Jade: you havent changed a bit  
Jade: of course you havent, from your perspective i only left for a day or so! its really weird being back and hanging out with everybody and everything here is exactly how i left it  
Jade: my plants are still alive! i worried about them for centuries but theyre just fine  
Jade: its a trip is what it is haha  
June: yeah, uh... how does it feel 8eing back?  
Jade: :\  
Jade: i missed you guys a whole lot and im so glad to see you again!  
Jade: but me and davepeta both have been talking a lot about how much has changed for us in the time weve been gone  
Jade: honestly i thought id never make it back here  
Jade: and then we just DID! buncha dumb luck coincidences at the last second and we found our way home.  
June: wow  
June: hey um  
June: I'm sorry for leaving you behind  
Jade: what???? june i asked you to leave me behind!!  
June: I know, it's just that you were out there for so long, I can't imagine how lonely it was  
Jade: ...pfffff  
June: what?  
Jade: oh june  
Jade: hahahahaha!!  
Jade: even in my loneliest moments out there i was never as lonely as i was here  
Jade: im so grateful for what you did  
Jade: you probably saved my life  
Jade: so by extension you saved trillions of other lives too!  
June: trillions?  
June: really??  
June: come on Jade, you can't expect me to 8elieve that.

with a cocky smile, she holds up three fingers.

June: uh... three?  
Jade: three separate quantum singularity implosion bombs in populous solar systems  
Jade: completely unrelated too!  
Jade: i dont even have to rack my brain to get the tally up into the trillions, and if we really wanted to get our elbows dirty and crunch the numbers  
June: jeez, fine, I 8elieve you!  
Jade: the point is that happened because you gave me a choice! so be proud of yourself  
Jade: and definitely dont be sad for me because youll be the only one ^.^  
June: heh  
June: you know what's funny?  
June: the last time we talked 8efore you went to fight English, you said you couldn't 8e happy for me because you were jealous  
June: how the turns have ta8led, huh?  
Jade: oh june  
June: I mean I AM happy for you...  
June: 8ut I don't know how you did it  
June: if I was forced to do what you did, I think I would have given up so early on  
June: I'm scared all the time these d8ys and I've  
June: I've been me for right around a month now, and on the one hand I've been so alive and happy.  
June: 8ut on the other hand, from pretty much the instant we 8ecame me, I got slammed with disappointments and traumas and threats of violence. just one thing after another, day after day, and we made a plan to stop that right? and it... it worked, I guess.  
June: but just thinking about that day s  
June: ss  
June: sends me into  
Jade: shh its okay  
June: it hurt so much, Jade  
June: physically it was the worst thing I've ever felt, and that was 8ad enough  
June: I'll never forget how my arm  
June: how it

hands shaking

June: 8ut when he tore me apart  
June: that was worse th  
June: than  
June: than

hands in my hair, looking at the floor  
  
glance up

June: oh no  
June: how long was I quiet just now??  
Jade: a few seconds?

exhale. head on knees. thoughts mixed too much too fast

June: sometimes I fall into an emotion and time just skips ahead  
June: that's the thing  
June: I can do physical therapy with my arm, you know? this doesn't have to ruin me. I'm not the first person to have a fucked up arm.  
June: 8ut the other thing  
June: I  
June: do you how long it was 8efore I woke up as myself again?  
Jade: it must have been a couple hours  
June: right  
June: it felt like centuries to me  
June: hah, that's fucking ironic.  
Jade: :'(  
June: I couldn't remem8er who I was, I just knew I felt sad  
June: sad is too tame a word  
June: I felt...  
June: fucking inconsolable  
June: it was misery that had no 8ottom  
June: and I couldn't figure out why it was happening to me  
June: every thought steered me 8ack into that ocean of grief  
June: and I just wanted to die the whole time  
June: every single second all I wanted was to stop existing 8ecause it hurt too much  
June: and the only reason I didn't give up was that the thought of giving up...  
June: it was juuuuuuuust a little 8it more sad to me.  
June: and I didn't understand that, either!  
June: I had exactly one pro8lem, which had exactly one solution, but that solution was somehow worse than the pro8lem???????? so I just sat there in the void never knowing what to do!  
June: I sat there waiting for something to happen. more w8ing. hanging there like an unfinished thought just WAITING like I always do!  
June: I still feel it, Jade.  
June: every time I close my eyes, it's right there.  
June: so no matter what I do, it's either fear or grief or pain.  
June: how the fuck do I live with this, Jade?  
June: why did this have to happen to me?

there's a knock on the door, and like clockwork my whole 8ody tenses up. Jade touches my knee.

Jade: no need to worry sis  
Jade: im here to protect you

she smiles at me, and I feel 8etter... but   
  
I'm right outside.  
  
You can't get away from me.

he's here he's here he's I'm suddenly so sure Jade's going to open the door and he's going to kill her in front of me and then he's going to walk towards me and he's going to

June: JADE WAIT

You can't stop me.  
  
please don't do this  
  
It's already done.  
  
please don't hurt her!  
  
I'm going to hurt everyone.  
  
How else are you supposed to learn your lesson?  
  
I'm at the door  
  
I'm  
  
she's staring at me, with, alarm  
  
and  
  
  
the door is open, it's just Davepeta  
  
  
  
where am I  
  
  
  
  
right, this is now  
  
  
  
  
  
how did I  
  


June: how did I get over here?  
June: motherfucker  
  


light headed  
  
  
oh, where's  
  
  
  
my center of gra v ity?   
  
  
  
  
spinning  
  
  
  
  
  
trying to keep my eyes open 8ut my eyes aren't  
  
  
listening  
to me  
  
I can't focus I'm  
  
  
  
  
  
You're against the wall now, Egbert.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You can't run from me anymore.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm right  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
out  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
side  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
vision clearing  
  
Davepeta looking down at me.  
  
8link. 8reathe  
  
reality seeps 8ack in...  
  


June: did I collapse again  
Davepetasprite^2: B33 < you almost beaned your head on the nightstand actmewually!! good thing jade can be anywhere at any time instantly  
Jade: it does come in handy  
Jane: Have you been fainting a lot lately, June?  
June: noooooooo ooooo ooo o ooo oooo Jane please don't  
Jane: I'm not here to judge or browbeat you, I just want to help.  
June: uuuhg  
June: no, fainting is new  
Jane: Hmmm. Might be brain damage...  
June: GR8! ADD IT TO THE FUCKIng lii  
June: list ohhh shouldn't scream, right now, apparently  
Jane: It certainly seems like an oxygenation problem...  
June: am I dying again  
Terezi: NO  
Jane: Miss Harley, would you mind getting Mrs. Lalonde? I need her assistance.  
Jade: uhh sure

*pop*

Jane: How is your breathing?  
June: I'm 8reathing?  
Jane: Too much, I think. Try to take slower and shallower breaths. Hyperventilation can cause lightheadedness and exacerbate panic attacks.  
June: so now BREATHING is a problem too????????  
June: FUCK MAN I JUst ttaaa aah ca  
June: can't

*pop*

Jane: Excellent. Mrs. Lalonde, would you mind performing a fraymotif with Miss Pyrope on our friend here to perhaps deduce what might be troubling her beyond the purely physical?  
June: go get Dave and Karkat too why not  
June: just have the whole party here to watch me die on the floor  
Terezi: YOU'R3 NOT DY1NG  
June: fuck you, you don't know my life  
Jane: Mrs. Lalonde, Miss Pyrope, if you please?

their shapes are may8e more distinct. everyone is  
  
just like they were, when  
(SHE'S GONE)  
concerned faces  
  
odd light makes me squint, and  
  
glasses glasses glassES GLASSES POINTY BLACK FUCKING GLASSE  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You're alone, Egbert.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And you will never be good enough.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Rose: She seems to be mixing up dreams and memories at random. It's like she's having a panic attack, but  
  
  
  
  


who are you  
  
  
  
  


Terezi: HOW DO W3 H3LP H3R  
  
  
  
  


why won't you listen to me  
  
  
  
  


Jane: I- I'm not sure. This is so far outside my expertise...  
  
  
  
  
  


don't you see I'm in pain?  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Terezi: JUN3 C4N YOU H34R M3  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


why won't you talk to me  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Davepetasprite^2: B33 < let me try  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


electricity crosses my vision, 8olts of lightning. head hurts.  
  
  
still can't see  
  
  
  
like my eyes are in a glass of milk  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Everything is  
  
  
  
white.  
  
  
  
You're covering your eyes and laying on your back.  
  
  
  
When you look to your right, you see  
  
  


V: Hey.  
  
  
  
J: uh  
  
  
  
J: hey?  
  
  


She's laying next to you, her hands pillowed under her head, her long hair splayed out on ground that doesn't seem to exist.  
  
  
  
You think you know who she is, and you...  
  
  
  
think you know who you are?  
  
  


V: You 8etter have a 8ig thank you in store for me.  
  
  
  
J: what for?  
  
  
  
V: I saved your ass, duh!!!!!!!! And not even for the first time.  
  
  
  
J: oh.  
  
  
  
J: thanks?  
  
  
  
V: It's the least I could do when the altern8ive was giving that puppet fucker power over canon.  
  
  
  
J: i don't know what that means, but i guess that sounds like a bad thing.  
  
  
  
V: It would have 8een, trust me.  
  
  
  
J: trust you...  
  
  
  
J: do i know you?  
  
  
  
V: You could say that.  
  
  
  
J: so... do you know me?  
  
  
  
V: Heh. Yeah, I know some stuff!  
  
  
  
J: i feel like i should know some stuff too, but...  
  
  
  
  
J: but  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: when i try to think about me, i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i just  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: why am i so cold?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: why am i crying?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: did i lose something?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You've lost everything.  
  
You can't get away from me.  
  
  
  
  
I'm right outside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: Hey.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: We all lose stuff sometimes.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: but this feels important...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: Pffffffff.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: What even is an important thing?  
  
  
  
  
  
V: Things are just mirrors.  
  
  
  
  
V: You see yourself in them and they 8ecome important.  
  
  
V: 8ut if you lose the mirror, do you lose your reflection?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i don't know.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i think if i looked in a mirror right now, i wouldn't see anything.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: Then look at me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You turn your head again, and she is looking at you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her smile is  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Her eyes are  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Why are you crying?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: I see you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


No.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: I see a person.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She reaches out and caresses your cheek, and her fingers feel like red hot irons.  
  
  
  
Your tears sizzle under her touch.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: I see someone who is very much alive.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i don't feel alive.  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i don't feel anything.  
  
  
  
  
J: i just feel empty.  
  
  
  
J: empty and cold  
  
  
J: i'm so tired, i just want to sleep and never wake up  
  
J: please leave me alone  
J: nothing can fix me  
J: i'm too dead inside J: i'm too broken J: i'm not anything  
J: stop trying J: to fix J: my head  
J: stop J: trying J: to J: save J: me  
J: pl J: ea J: se J: ju J: st J: st J: op  
J: j J: u J: s J: t J: l J: e J: t J: m J: e  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


just let me die  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: Do you really want to die?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


no.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
but i wish i did.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
it would be so much easier that way.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: Why don't you want to die?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


J: i don't know  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: it would be so easy to let go, and i want to so much  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: i would give anything not to feel like this anymore  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: so why is the thought of giving up just as upsetting??  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: what am i missing???  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: You tell me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: ...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: it's...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: it's so hard.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
J: it's so hard.  
  
  
  
  
  
J: why is this so hard????????  
  
  
  
  
J: why does this hurt so much?  
  
  
  
J: why is this all that i can remember?  
  
  
J: this can't be everything, can it?  
  
  
J: is this really who i am?  
  
  
J: is this... it?  
  
J: is this me?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: That's up to you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


You.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You.  
  
  
  
You.  
  
  
You.  
  
You.  
  
You.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You are someone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


J: who are you?  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She sidles up next to you and sets her forehead against yours. Strands of hair are falling across her face.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


V: I'm someone too.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: The real question is...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
V: Who are we?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


why.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
why is this so hard?  
  
  
  
  
  
you feel yourself curl up as close as you can. you want to be held, but you know that no one can hold you.  
  
how are you this god damn alone?  
  
it's not even like you're lonely.  
  
you're empty.  
  
  
you keep saying it that way like it's a solution but the words don't fill you, and nothing ever will.  
  
  
  
you're just. tired. bitter.  
  
  
  
  
  
angry.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
everything is  
  
  
white.  
  
  
you're covering your eyes and laying on your back.  
  
  
when you look to your right, you see  
  


Vriska: Welcome 8ack.  
  
  
J: oh.  
  


you look up into the void.  
  
  
it's quiet here. no echo.  
  


J: who are we?  
  
  
Vriska: I'm not sure.  
  
  
Vriska: I know a lot a8out you, and I know a lot a8out me...  
  
  
Vriska: Actually, I know a lot a8out everyone!  
  
  
Vriska: 8ecause in a sense I AM everyone.  
  
  
Vriska: 8ut that doesn't feel as important to me as it used to. Which is really fucking weird to say!!!!!!!!  
  
  
Vriska: For a long time, nothing was important. I just existed here as a construct, serving an enigmatic purpose and w8ing for nothing to happen.  
  
  
Vriska: I think you can rel8 to that.  
  
  
Vriska: When your dum8 confluence of a8ilities connected us, I h8d you.  
  
  
Vriska: I wanted you to destroy yourself so I could go 8ack to 8eing a nonexistent everything.  
  
  
Vriska: 8ut I started to like 8eing Vriska, which pulled me closer to you.  
  
  
Vriska: And the more I watched you, the more my resentment 8ecame something else.  
  
  
Vriska: I wanted to 8e you.   
  
  
Vriska: Hmmmmmmmm, that's not quite r8...  
  
  
Vriska: It's hard to talk a8out "us" when I'm already such a fucking complic8ed mess!  
  
  
J: yeah...  
  
J: you know, i feel the same way but like... opposite?  
  
J: i don't even know how to talk about me, so how could i talk about "us"?  
  
J: i'm honestly not sure who i am. what about you?  
  
Vriska: I'm defin8ly Vriska. 8ut I'm also a lot of other things.  
  
Vriska: Honestly, it's a whole jum8le of ideas and images that I just don't know how to parse!  
  
Vriska: I guess 8ecause I've only 8een an "I" for a little while, and even then I only knew myself through you and your idea of someone else.  
  
J: huh.  
  
Vriska: Yeah. "Huh."  
  
J: this is neat and all but it doesn't really get us to the "we" bit.  
  
Vriska: Who do you think we are?  
  
J: oh gosh.  
  
J: it sounds like we don't even make sense as a "we".  
  
J: you've got so much going on. you're what, the ultimate ultimate self? who even knows how that works.  
  
J: and that's cool! but i'm just a sad, empty kid.  
  
  
J: i could never be like that.  
  
  
Vriska: Are you kidding????????  
  
  
Vriska: I mean yeah, you're as sad a sadsack as ever there was, 8ut if you set that aside, you're amazing!  
  
  
Vriska: All I ever do is categorize and deconstruct. Everything is systematic and structured. How do you think I maintain so many irons in the fire all at once?  
  
Vriska: 8ut you can just do stuff!  
  
Vriska: When changes happen, you just roll with it. Nothing ever phases you, 8ecause you can't knock around the wind. You can move it, shape it, utilize it, 8ut it's still its own thing. I freak out in the face of chaos, 8ut you? You're just cool with it! How the fuck do you even DO th8t????????  
  
J: it really doesn't feel like a good thing, though.  
  
J: it feels like i'm just waiting around for other people to tell me what to do.  
  
Vriska: Well sure, 8ecause functionally that IS what you do most of the time! 8ut your 8est moments were all a result of your a8ility to just... go with the flow.  
  
Vriska: Plans and schemes are gr8 and all, 8ut there's always a margin of error! And if you suck at improvis8ion, you've 8asically already lost.  
  
Vriska: I'm too many things all at once to effectively react.  
  
J: so... i guess that makes me too few things to even do stuff in the first place, heh.  
  
J: what do you think the middle ground between us would look like?  
  
J: ...  
  
J: Vriska?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


everything is  
  
  
white.  
  
  
we're covering our eyes and laying on our backs.  
  
  
when we look at each other, we see  
  


X: Hey.  
X: hey  
  


we reach out to each other and our fingers interlace. we think of chirality.  
  


X: i don't know what's happening  
X: Me either.  
X: are we dead?  
X: If I knew, I'd tell you.  
  


we abandon our hands and slip into a full bodied embrace.  
  


X: how are we this close and it still doesn't feel like enough??  
X: why am i so  
X: this doesn't  
X: Shhhhhhhh...  
X: Hey.  
X: We figured this out once 8efore, didn't we?  
X: The reflection doesn't go away when you lose the mirror.  
X: ...why did he do this to us?  
X: what did we do to deserve this?  
X: why does anyone get to decide what we are??  
X: I wish I knew.  
X: Powerful people often decide what's 8est for others, regardless of what's right.  
X: We're all guilty of it sometimes.  
X: i think  
X: i think i'm bleeding  
X: I'm 8leeding, too.  
X: how do we stop this?  
X: I don't know.  
X: are we dying???  
X: I don't know.  
  


red pooling out into the white.  
  
  
so tired.  
  
  
we're trembling in each other's arms. crying.  
  
  
  


X: if we could just  
X: If we could just  
X: get close enough  
X: get close enough  
X: to be  
X: to 8e  
X: ourselves  
X: ourselves  
X: again  
X: again.  
X: please stay with me  
X: I'm with you.  
X: i don't want to die alone  
X: You won't die alone  
X: As long as you don't let me die alone either.  
X: i won't leave you here  
X: Thank you.  
  


blood bubbles out between us as we pull closer and closer. won't stop flowing. drowning in it. can't swim. swimming would mean letting us go. we can't let go.  
  
  
we  
  
  
we made a promise  
  
  
  
  
  


X: is this it?  
X: is this  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


we got to be us for just a few days.  
  
do you know what happened?  
  
we hurt people.  
  
other people hurt us.  
  
we became us and before a full day had passed, we made so thorough an enemy that he decided it was better to destroy us than let us continue to exist.  
  
  
  
didn't we feel good, though?  
  
  
  
oh sure, we FELT good.  
  
what the fuck does that matter??  
  
no one was happy for us. all we did was make them mad.  
  
all we did was cry.  
  
we were a fucking disaster and it's good we ceased to exist.  
  
  
  
do we really believe that?  
  
  
  
...  
  
what are we doing here  
  
this is pointless  
  
isn't this a mercy?  
  
we should just let go.  
  
there's no universe where we get to be us indefinitely.  
  
not without causing suffering  
  
  
  
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!  
  
why is that what we're so focused on??  
  
everyone suffers, they'd suffer regardless of whether we existed.  
  
why are we responsible for their pain?  
  
why is that more important than our happiness?  
  
  
  
no one gets to be happy  
  
  
  
is that really true though?  
  
we're not so sure anymore!  
  
we were happy with her...  
  
  
  
yes, we were.  
  
but for how long?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
how long do we get to be happy before the universe takes notice?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
how long do we get to be happy before the toll comes due?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
nothing can stay like this forever, so just  
  
  
  
  
  
  
stop.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
stop pretending that it will.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
get it over with.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
if they're going to hurt us anyway, why not beat them to it and hurt ourselves into oblivion?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
at least then, we're the ones in charge of our fate.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
at least then, we're the authors of our own tragedy.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
This is why I fought so hard.  
8ecause every moment in motion was a moment with my head a8ove the 8lood.  
  
this is why i waited so long.  
because every moment in stasis was a moment with my head above the blood.  
  
It was the only thing that kept me from feeling  
  
it was the only thing that kept me from feeling  
  
  
alone  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
do i want to die?  
  
  
yes.  
  
  
do i want to live?  
  
  
...yes.  
  
  
ok.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
which do i want more?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
do you remem8er that  
  
  
  
  
  
  
can we remem8er that  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i need to remem8er that  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i'm so twisted up inside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i've lived my life so long wondering what was wrong with me, and when i finally figured it out, one person with concerns decided he had the right to take me apart for his own gain. he showed up with his fucking heart and his smirk and his glasses and sword, acting all sympathetic, kept saying "i didn't want it to come to this", but the fact that it was an option in the first place tells me everything i need to know about him. his sympathies only travel so far. his empathy does not extend outside himself.  
  
this is the worst thing you could do to anyone. i would rather be dead than live as half myself. i would rather die than face another day as JOHN. that name is venom in my mouth, it curls my tongue, it makes me want to vomit until my insides are gone, and people like DIRK have the unmitigated fucking gall not to erase that name from their minds, to retcon it from their memory. they think they get to decide when i've earned the right to be called the name i chose, they think they can lord over me with my assigned pronouns, flaunt their power, pretend like they have a say in anything i get to be or want to do just because they were born with the right pieces already put together.  
  
i feel sick. every part of me is in pain. am i hurt? am i bleeding? why does my arm  
  
why does my stomach  
  
am i dying?  
  
no one should have this kind of power over anyone, but they do. they do, and they flaunt and abuse it every chance they get. they see me as a weakness they can exploit for their own gains. they see me as a broken thing they can threaten to fix to get me to do what they want.  
  
dirk thinks he can tell me who to be. dirk thinks he can tell me where i go or what i do or where i fit in his plan. he decides these things unilaterally, never once coming to US to ask what we think of it. of course his self obsessed leadership fantasies are a fucking joke, because the one thing that would actually deprive us of all this suffering is the one thing that would put an end to his savior complex.  
  
he doesn't care about us.  
  
  
  
i'm not broken  
  
  
  
  
  
i'm not wrong  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i am not a tragedy in waiting  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
i  
  
i  
i  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
i can't believe this is how i used to feel all the time.  
how did i make it through all those years?  
  
We did the 8est we could.  
  
how do we make it through again?  
how can we possibly go back to this??  
  
I don't know.  
8ut why the fuck would we live so long just to give up now?  
We've survived worse.  
  
we  
we have survived worse, haven't we?  
  
  
  
we've survived worse.  
  
  
  
  
  
we have  
  
  
  
  
  
we  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I have survived worse than this.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I HAVE survived worse than this!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm right outside.  
  
I don't care.  
  
I'm going to kill you.  
  
no you aren't.  
  
I'm going to kill your friends.  
  
you don't scare me.  
you're just a child in god's clothes.  
you're a stuck up 8rat begging for attention.  
you don't get to decide who I am.  
  
Are you sure about that?  
  
we'll see when I wake up, won't we?  
I'm going to fucking kill you, Dirk.  
  
Hmm.  
We'll see when you wake up, won't we?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
awake again.  
  
on my bed, in my room. looking up like I've done a million times.  
  
no one's here 8ut me. can hear convers8ion downstairs. mixed smells, cookies and... something spicy? may8e something with meat?  
  
damn I'm hungry.  
  
when I sit up, I'm  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
in the hospital, 8reathing through a tube. Terezi curled up in a chair next to my bed, snoring in her unscuffed godtier outfit.  
  
I was glad she was asleep, 8ecause I didn't remember her at first. everything was jum8led.  
  
it felt like I was piecing myself together again.  
  
the memory of me.  
  
the memory of everyone who wasn't me.  
  
sat there on that foam 8ed, pinned down at every extremity with steel 8ars. neck brace, arm in a cast. machines beeping.  
  
letting the river of images flow by over hours, picking it all 8ack up. I was June Eg8ert. I was alive.  
  
it was so hard, and so sad.  
  
8ut what carried me through wasn't curiosity, or sadness, or pain.  
  
it was anger.  
  
every time I closed my eyes, I saw a face that pushed anger up through every other feeling like oil in water.  
  
flashes of cruelty. revenge. desper8 to pull a motherfucker lim8 from fucking lim8.  
  
I couldn't get 8ack to sleep.  
  
I couldn't do anything. there was someone out there who needed to die, someone I needed to kill, and I was stuck here in this hospital 8ed with this recycled air and needles and metal pins in all my 8ones. I was stuck here resting while he still took any 8reath at all. every god damn second knowing he was 8reathing was a second of exponentially expanding fury.  
  
no one gets to do this to me and live.  
  
no one gets to do this to me and live.  
  
no one gets to do THIS to me and expect to draw one single solitary 8reath more!  
  
when it 8ecame too much I struggled out from under the pins and straps, so many sharp pains in so many places that I screamed, 8ut that just m8 me angrier. this is what he did. this is what he did and he was going to p8y.   
  
I was going to m8ke him p8y.  
  
Terezi woke up and put an arm over me, JUN3, she said, JUN3 YOU H4V3 TO R3ST, YOUR BODY 1S  
  
where is he, I was practically screaming, where's Dirk? where's Dirk?? where's Dirk????????  
  
and she looked at me with such sadness, I already knew exactly what she was going to say, no, it couldn't 8e true, no, I said, don't you fucking dare  
  
H3'S 4LR34DY D34D, she whispered, H3'S GON3, JUN3, her voice so twisted and misera8le.  
  
I slammed my head into the back8oard, no, no, I was supposed to kill him, I told him I was going to do it!  
  
1'M SORRY, her fingers helplessly caressed my cheek, the only part of me that wasn't pinned down or covered up  
  
who did it, I shouted at her, who killed him, was it Roxy? how did he die??  
  
her hands went to fists in her lap as she spit the venom from her mouth that D1RK K1LL3D H1MS3LF  
  
he  
  
no  
  
what?  
  
he what??  
  
no!  
  
how did he  
  
1T DO3SN'T M4TT3R  
  
of COURSE it matters, wasn't some8ody watching him???????? how did he  
  
1T DO3SN'T M4TT3R 4NYMOR3, she said, 1T'S DON3 4ND TH3R3'S NO PO1NT 1N  
  
no point???????? I need to see his face,  
  
PL34S3  
  
I need to DESTROY him,  
  
JUN3, 1'M SORRY  
  
I need to make him feel what he did to me!!  
  
1'M SO SORRY  
  
I NEED HIM TO  
I need him to  
I need him to hurt so that  
I need to see him feeling this pain  
I need him to take it 8ack  
he needs to take it 8ack  
HE NEEDS TO TAKE IT 8ACK, TEREZI  
I CAN'T CARRY THIS  
I NEED TO SEE HIM  
  
PL34S3 JUN3  
  
I NEED TO  
I need to  
I need  
I  
I  
oh no  
no no no no no  
he's dead, isn't he?  
  
H3'S D34D  
  
he's gone????????  
  
H3'S GON3  
  
no  
NO  
NO!!!!!!!!  
no no  
no  
no no  
why?  
why why why  
why does he get to  
no  
this isn't  
this isn't fair  
Terezi, why does he  
how can he  
who the fuck does he think he is  
he can't just  
I didn't fight this hard just so he could slither away  
I didn't  
I  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I should have just given up  
  
  
  
  
  
I should have known  
  
  
  
  
I can't  
  
  
  
live  
  
  
with this  
  
and then she kissed me on the cheek, and she was crying, and I could feel that she wanted so desper8ly to say the right thing, to speak me through it and 8ring me back from this, but her own breaths were hitching, she could 8arely form her own words, and it just, I couldn't, I never saw her crying so hard before, I never saw her so angry 8efore, and I felt that same hate 8uilding in me  
  
and  
  
  
we 8ecame two animals  
  
  
  
howling for the blood that would never stain our teeth.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
his 8ody was inciner8d before I got out. I don't know where they put his ashes.  
  
every day I was seething. every day I was hollow and furious. I could 8arely eat. Terezi and I struggled to talk. friends came and went, tried so hard to cheer me up. glad to see Roxy healed up with Callie in tow, glad to see Dave and Karkat struggling to meet each other's gaze while holding hands, glad to see Rose and Kanaya smiling like idiots, glad to see that everyone was happy.  
  
glad.  
  
glad and resentful.  
  
8efore long it finally landed that this weight in my chest would never find its place in someone else, and that I was the only one haunted 8y it.  
  
that's when it started to feel like he was watching.  
  
he got away.  
  
the fucker got away and now he was w8ing for his moment.  
  
he got away and everyone 8elieved it, but what did I know? I never saw his 8ody.  
  
I'd 8e ready for him. if he came for me, I would 8e ready.  
  
except  
  
except every flash of him was an illusion  
  
every impulse of fury met empty air  
  
he wasn't here  
  
8ut he was  
  
and that's  
  
that is when my anger turned to fear  
  
  
my fear, em8edded in pain  
  
  
  
my fear, unmoored, contextless, trapped in a void  
  
  
  
  
just as helpless to 8ury itself in another person  
  
  
  
  
  
knowing it was over was the worst thing in the world  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
8ecause he didn't die  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
he'll never die until I see it with own fucking eyes  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
with his last act, he m8 himself unstoppa8le.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
today's 8een a farce.  
  
it was supposed to 8e a get together for us to enjoy ourselves, and here I am causing drama, screaming and shouting, making everyone worry a8out me. stuck in 8ed while they awkwardly wonder if they should just go home.  
  
they pro8a8ly should. it's never going to get 8etter.  
  
this is just  
  
  
is this just my life now?  
  
  
  
am I just this 8roken thing...  
  
  
  
  
always sad  
  
  
  
  
  
always one word or   
one sound or   
one thought away from losing my grasp on reality?  
  
  
what happens if this never stops?  
  
  
  
I  
  
  
  
  
i  
  
  
  
  
  
what happens if i can't fix this?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vriska: You don't have to fix it.  
Vriska: If you really want, you CAN give up.

giving up sounds nice

Vriska: It does, doesn't it?  
Vriska: You'd 8e leaving a lot of people 8ehind, though!

sure  
i don't want to hurt them, but  
maybe hurting them now will save them hurt later?  
maybe...  
maybe giving up would be a mercy

Vriska: That's certainly a theory.

i don't know anymore  
this whole thing just sucks  
i'm so tired of hurting  
i'm so  
it just sucks

Vriska: Yeah, it fucking 8lows.  
Vriska: ::::(  
Vriska: So what's stopping you?

i don't know

Vriska: Yes you do.

...

Vriska: Come on, say it!

i  
i don't want to give up because...

Vriska: Just come out with it already!!!!!!!!

i don't want to give up because  
as much as it hurts  
some part of me knows that  
i  
hurt less?  
now  
than i ever did before

Vriska: Isn't that enough?

i  
want it to be  
but it's too shallow  
there's no room to live here  
i don't know what to do with myself anymore

Vriska: What's to do?  
Vriska: 8uild a fire and carry it with you, June!  
Vriska: That's all you need!!!!!!!!

fire?  
i don't know what that means  
i don't think they have that here

Vriska: Oh, give me a 8r8k!  
Vriska: Don't you remem8er how it feels to h8 someone?  
Vriska: Where'd that anger go????????

he took it with him

Vriska: Come on, do you really 8elieve that?

i  
i guess not  
but what's the point of getting mad at a ghost?

Vriska: What's the point of letting a ghost chase you around like some shitty f8key f8ke c8rtoon?!  
Vriska: Why anything, June?  
Vriska: Are you really going to let that fucking 8oy 8EAT you?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

beat me  
beat me?  
  
no  
  
  
no actually  
  
  
  
  
8eat me???  
  
  
  
  
  
I outsmarted his ass  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
he's the one who gave up!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HE'S the one who couldn't admit that he lost!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HE'S the one who left me to pick up the mess he m8!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
HE's the one  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
who was afr8  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
of ME!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vriska: >::::)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


you know what, Vriska?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I should pro8ably find a healthier way to work through this.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
may8e go see a therapist.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
talk through this like an adult.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
8ut in the absence of a more positive motiv8ion...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I think petty spite will do just fine.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
hey Terezi?  
  
OH SH1T, YOU'R3 4W4K3  
  
surprised you couldn't tell. I've 8een thinking pretty loud, haha.  
  
1'V3 B33N D1STR4CT3D  
...4R3 YOU M4D 4T M3?  
  
why would I 8e mad you?  
  
D4V3P3T4 1NS1ST3D YOU WOULD B3 F1N3 4ND DR4GG3D M3 4W4Y  
1 W4S HOP1NG YOU WOULDN'T W4K3 UP 4LON3  
  
it's okay. I'm actually kinda glad I woke up alone? gave me some time to, uh...  
  
think.  
  
what's going on down there? sounds like there's some lively convers8ion happening.  
  
YOU H4V3 NO 1D34  
K4N4Y4 4ND TH3 L4LOND3S WON'T STOP N33DL1NG J4D3 FOR STOR1ES  
K4RK4T 1S D3SP3R4T3 TO PROV3 HOW COOL H1S BLOOD STUFF 1S 4ND H3'S SCR34M1NG B3C4US3 NO ON3 C4R3S  
C4LL13 4ND TH3 SPR1T3 4R3 OUT B4CK L4UGH1NG 4T WHO KNOWS WH4T  
J4K3 4ND D4V3 4R3 DRUNK 4ND... BOND1NG??  
4ND OF COURS3 J4N3 WON'T STOP COOK1NG D3SP1T3 TH3 F4CT TH4T W3 4LR34DY H4V3 TOO MUCH FOOD  
SH3 R3PL4C3D YOUR 3NT1R3 K1TCH3N, BY TH3 W4Y  
  
what??  
  
YOU'LL S33  
  
but we're moving!  
  
1 TOLD H3R TH4T BUT SH3 ST4RT3D 4RGU1NG 4ND 1 GOT BOR3D  
  
damn. guess we'll enjoy that for another week or whatever...  
  
sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun!  
  
W3 4R3  
3V3RYON3'S WORR13D 4BOUT YOU, THOUGH  
DO YOU F33L UP TO JO1N1NG US?  
  
I will soon, I promise. 8ut could you do something for me?  
  
4NYTH1NG  
  
could you send Jane upstairs?  
  
...  
WHY  
  
I just... want to talk to her a8out something  
  
>:?  
F1N3  
1'M D3F1N1T3LY GO1NG TO SPY ON YOU THOUGH  
  
no you're not.  
  
>:o  
>:[  
>:|  
>:|  
>:|  
>:]  
WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y  
  
thanks  
  
>;]  
  
oh, another thing.  
  
??  
  
I toler8 you a lot  
  
>:'o  
1 TOL3R8 YOU 4 LOT TOO  
  
:::;)  
  
  
  
I stretch my arms and stand up. it's starting to get dark outside. so much time has passed already! I thought for sure I'd 8e able to help prepare, but...  
  
doesn't matter now.  
  
when Jane knocks at the door, I shout for her to come in.

Jane: Your ladyfriend said you wanted to talk to me?  
June: yeah. uh, close the door?

she nods and comes inside. looks around... smiles.

Jane: It will never stop being surreal to me how similar our old rooms are. Which makes sense, I suppose! They are quite literally the same room, hoo hoo!  
Jane: How can I help you, June?  
June: do you want to sit down?

I point at the little desk chair as I plop 8ack on the bed. Jane regards it with some thinly veiled disapproval, 8ut she pulls it up into the middle of the room and sits regardless. crosses her legs daintily, straightens out her skirt.

June: jeez, I don't get how you can do so much in heels and a pencil skirt like that.  
Jane: Perils of being a professional businesswoman! The hounds are always eager to spot a bit of weakness, so it pays to learn how never to be inhibited by one's chosen attire.  
June: huh. yeah that makes sense.  
Jane: :B  
June: to start with, I uh  
June: I wanted to apologize to you a8out earlier.  
Jane: It's quite alright, June, really! That was entirely my fault, I was being insensitive, and  
June: no, no. I mean, yeah, a little 8it?  
June: but... he was your friend. I know this has to 8e complic8d for you.  
Jane: It certainly...  
Jane: Has posed a challenge.  
Jane: Is this what you wanted to talk about?  
June: not exactly.  
June: I just wanted you to know that I, uhm  
June: I mean like, I didn't know Dirk very well even 8efore... what happened happened.  
Jane: No one knew him quite as well as they thought, it seems.  
June: yeah...  
June: I don't think anyone ever really knows any8ody.  
June: Terezi said earlier that Dirk acted like he knew exactly what he was doing at all times, and I don't think it's anyone's fault for 8uying it.  
June: I may find it frustr8ing for my own reasons...

ru8 the scar on my neck

June: 8ut you trusted him. of course you did.  
Jane: What are you telling me, June?  
June: I'm telling you that none of this is your fault. we were all his victims, and he's the only one to 8lame for that.  
Jane: Oh.  
June: I don't know if you need to hear it, 8ut I wanted to say it. especially after this morning.  
Jane: I...  
Jane: Thank you, June.  
Jane: I've always been rubbish at expressing my emotions. It often leads me to getting mad and going on unfair tantrums.  
June: yeah, you defin8ly need to work on that  
Jane: >:B  
June: hey, you said it.  
Jane: Oh, I suppose I did.

she looks off towards the window. the horizon is glowing a burnt orange, fading out into into a deep 8lue that's on its way to pitch darkness. Jane's fingers are kneading her skirt.

Jane: May I tell you something, on the condition that it never leaves this room?  
June: sure  
Jane: ...  
Jane: We were supposed to have a meeting. Dirk and I, I mean. It was irregular, but then he was an irregular man. After he  
Jane: After his death, no one wanted to handle his affairs. For good reason, I suppose. Roxy helped a little, but she was too angry to effectively get the job done. So, of course, it all fell on my shoulders. I won't bore you with the details of the sorts of things he kept in his possession, except to say that it was exactly what you would expect.  
Jane: I kept anticipating a journal filled with scribbles, "Kill them all, kill them all" or some such thing. But there was nothing. No smoking gun, no admission of guilt, nothing at all out of the ordinary. Mostly.  
Jane: To my great disappointment and confusion, it seems he kept everything in his head, and...   
Jane: When he died, he took all of it with him.   
Jane: Except.  
Jane: I found one little thing, a torn corner of notebook paper that must have fallen behind a table when he wasn't looking. And all it said was...  
Jane: "Set in stone????"  
Jane: Four question marks.  
June: huh  
Jane: Yes, that was just about my reaction as well. He clearly had you on the mind!  
June: what do you think it means?  
Jane: I haven't the foggiest, June.  
Jane: A few hours after finding that piece of paper, I'd almost given up on my search altogether. But then by happenstance I found a...  
Jane: Goodness me, this is silly to say out loud!  
Jane: I found a subterranean launch platform with a half constructed rocket ship directly under his house!  
June: what the fuck?  
Jane: What the fuck, indeed! But even more what the fuck was the robot replica of Mrs. Lalonde he had stowed away!  
June: what the FUCK??  
Jane: Precisely! And in perfect Dirk fashion, he left no indication as to the purpose of any of this nonsense. I searched for records of building permits, blueprints, called in every single one of the considerable resources I have at my disposal to find even a hint at what this was all about.  
Jane: But there was not a damned thing.  
Jane: At first I thought I should tell the others, and perhaps I will eventually. But I stopped short when considering just how angry everyone was, how betrayed they were. This seemed like it would, I don't know... Add unnecessary complications to an already messy situation.  
Jane: So I had it all destroyed.  
June: woah  
Jane: I'm only telling you, June, because I'm starting to believe you were the catalyst in some bizarre chain of events that I must assume he did not anticipate.  
Jane: I've been struggling so hard to understand what that boy could have POSSIBLY been thinking, and it's positively infuriating that there aren't any answers!  
Jane: I don't try to be selfish, June, but I still manage it regardless. My mistake, however, was assuming that the whole thing originated with you.  
Jane: And perhaps, in some sense, it did.  
Jane: But when I think of how Roxy and Jake looked that day, how they still look even when they're trying not to... I have no choice but to confront that, despite everything I believed about Dirk, and despite everything he may have believed about himself...  
Jane: He didn't really give a damn about any of us.  
Jane: The care was just a pretense for getting what he wanted.  
Jane: I don't know if it was always like this. I like to believe it wasn't!   
Jane: But that doesn't matter anymore.  
Jane: His justifications ceased to be relevant the moment he decided to hurt you.

when she looks 8ack at me, I see a few dainty little tears sparkling at the edges of her eyes. she produces a handkerchief and wipes them away, careful not to smudge her makeup.

Jane: I apologize for the unwarranted confessional, June. I know this must all sound so...  
June: thank you.  
June: really.  
Jane: :'B  
June: um  
June: since we're doing unwarranted confessionals, can I share something with you?  
Jane: Certainly!  
June: I can't tell you the whole story so please don't ask, 8ut...  
June: well, a lot of this had to do with retcon. that doesn't come as a surprise, does it?  
Jane: No.  
June: yeah, I figured. everyone's reaction was a8out that, seems like.  
June: anyway.  
June: I did some stuff I regretted, which I undid, 8ut the guilt of it still stuck around. No one else might remem8er what happened, but I do. and I always will.  
June: that's what "set in stone" was all a8out.  
June: but these last couple weeks, I've been thinking a lot a8out that idea.

I look at my right arm. massage the scar, trace my finger up and along the fading red line from my cut this morning.

June: I can live with this. I can make this work.  
June: it's an adjustment, 8ut this arm isn't a weakness.

force my hand into a fist. the grip is loose, 8ut it's there.

June: I am not afr8 of getting hurt.  
June: collecting scars is just more proof that I'm not dead.  
June: 8ut...  
June: he wanted to ruin me, Jane.  
June: as soon as he knew he'd lost, his last goal became to make it as hard as possi8le for me to just... live my life. which is the only thing I've asked for since coming out!  
June: and he almost succeeded.  
June: look at me, you know? panic attacks, flash 8acks, accidental injuries, all this shit is him.  
June: and that's not leaving me any time soon. that's, uhh, proba8ly obvious.  
June: I can live with it, though. I don't always feel strong, 8ut I've survived a lot worse.  
June: that's what "set in stone" means, right? this is the cost of existing as myself.  
June: except...  
June: you know what I realized?  
Jane: What?

I run my fingers up past my el8ow and touch the inked words on my shoulder. think of the memories that have 8een chasing me everywhere, holding me back, keeping me scared.  
  
hear his voice (I'm right outside) roll out of my heart like an orange carpet.  
  
not anymore.

June: I don't have to keep these scars if I don't want to.  
June: I get to choose who I am, and that includes memory.  
June: that includes ghosts.  
June: I know that some things are set in stone.  
June: but even stone doesn't last forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jade: so we took turns throwing knives at each other and of course he didnt know i had space powers  
Rose: I'm sorry, what were the mechanics dictating this exchange of blades?  
Jade: mechanics?  
Jade: it was knife throwing  
Jade: we threw knives until someone got stabbed and died  
Rose: Yes, but  
Roxy: rose stop askin questions this shits sick af  
Kanaya: Yes Rose I Know You Are Endlessly Hungry For Specifics But In This Case The Logistical Details Really Are Not Important  
Jade: anyway i was obviously winning, but little did i know there was a chronarchist in the room  
Rose: Chronarchist?  
Jade: oh chronarchy! its a school of thought that the linear flow of time is fundamentally oppressive and needs to be abolished at all costs if society is to  
  
Dave: ok so he came around the corner right  
Dave: fistful of puppet ass all aimed right at my face  
Dave: now i was still like six years old at this point but bro didnt give a shit  
Dave: i had a destiny and he wasnt gonna just uh  
Dave: just let me you know  
Dave: wasnt gonna not train me is i guess what i was searching for  
Jake: That certainly is a thing one ought to do with babies, train them from birth to be weapons without complex emotional lives!  
Dave: yeah like  
Dave: you know sometimes to make an omelette you gotta beat up some kids  
Dave: anyway here he comes with this same day delivery of felt rump all begging to be up in my face  
Dave: and i dodged out of the way right  
Jake: Mmmhm as you would.  
Dave: right you get it  
Dave: its a pretty fucking impressive thing for a six year old to do just on instinct like that  
Dave: but then he grabs me and flips me through the air and slam dunks me right onto the floor like the softest most alive basketball that ever got the wind knocked out of it by its big bro  
Jake: Golly!  
Dave: and he was like listen here bro dodging is for pussies and when the time comes you wont have time to dodge you just gotta take that puppet ass like a man  
Jake: Jeepers thats an awful way to be treated by your guardian!  
Dave: yeah youre telling me  
Jake: My dirk was hardly so openly cruel but he surely had his moments.  
Jake: Even built a custom robot just to pummel me until i learned to defend myself!  
Dave: ah shit dude he pulled that stunt with you too  
  
(Calliope: and he jUst let yoU do it???)  
(Davepetasprite^2: B33 < thats not even the wildest part calliopurr!)  
(Calliope: ahhhaha hehehehehehe! ^u^;;)  
(Davepetasprite^2: B33 < so he turned around and did a big monster blast all like oh im gonna melt your body you little so and so)  
(Davepetasprite^2: B33 < but the silly fucker didnt even realize hed left himself open for a great big body slash!)  
(Calliope: ohhohoho hehehehe hahaha!!)  
  
Karkat: AND I CAN ALSO DO THIS WHIP THING, CHECK IT OUT  
Terezi: PL34S3 STOP, YOU'R3 G3TT1NG BLOOD ON TH3 W4LLS  
Karkat: YOU'RE ABANDONING THIS PATHETIC HIVE ANYWAY  
Karkat: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE FILTHY WALLS OR JUNE'S SHALLOW SENSE OF HUMAN DECORUM  
Karkat: IF I WANT TO PUT ALL MY BLOOD ON THE WALLS I WILL DO EXACTLY THAT  
Terezi: YOU'R3 GO1NG TO P4SS OUT 1F YOU K33P TH4T UP  
Karkat: FUCK YOU  
  
June: hey guys.

everyone in the room turns to look at me, though Callie and Davepeta's laughter outside continues.  
  
in fact, they're the only thing I can hear. every8ody else is dead silent.

June: yeah so, uh  
June: this just happened  
Dave: is that a fucking robot arm  
Jake: By jove!  
Karkat: IS THAT A FUCKING ROBOT ARM  
June: yeah it's a ro8ot arm  
Jane: We just installed it a few hours ago!  
Jake: Gadzooks!  
Rose: A few hours ago? But  
Rose: Retcon, right. Of course.  
Roxy: fuck me juney we cant turn r backs on u 4 a second  
Roxy: replaced ur tattoo n everything? damn girl just get a naval piercing like the rest of us  
Rose: You have a naval piercing?  
Roxy: ofc i have a naval piercing u sayin u dont?  
Jake: Heavens to mergatroyd!  
Kanaya: Stop That  
Kanaya: Was This Really Necessary June  
June: no.  
June: 8ut I wanted it and no one stopped me.  
Rose: Perhaps we would have if you'd given us a chance.  
June: haha, I mean, that's why I didn't give you a chance.  
Dave: does it have accessories  
Dave: do you have a lever on your back for karate chop action  
Dave: please tell me you have karate chop action  
June: no Dave, I don't have  
(June: actually Jane DO I have)  
Jane: No.  
June: no. no karate chop action.  
Dave: weak  
Jake: Jumping jehoshaphat June, what a  
Karkat: FUCK ME  
Karkat: THIS WHOLE BULGE SUCKING MURDER CIRCUS WAS JUST AN ELABORATE JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR VRISKA KINNING FANTASY WASN'T IT????  
June: uhh  
June: no it  
June: wh  
June: WAIT  
June: HOLY SHIT, THIS IS A VRISKA THING HUH????????  
June: descendant of a 8itch!!!  
June: okay Jane, any chance my old arm is still warm enough we can reattach it?  
Jane: Doubtful.  
June: w8 shit it actually doesn't even exist anymore 8ecause of  
June: damn, retcon'll get you every time.  
June: anyway, here's me!  
June: I'm here now! at the uh, the party!  
June: so that's  
Jane: OH HECK, MY CORNDOGS!  
June: ...corndogs?

as she rushes off into the kitchen to address a pillar of dark smoke in the WHY ARE THERE THREE OVENS IN THE KITCH it doesn't matter, as she does that, everyone leans in close to get a look at my new arm.

Kanaya: This Definitely Looks A Lot Like Vriskas  
Karkat: IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE VRISKA'S  
June: no way! that's so super unlikely.  
Rose: So is having a perfect recreation of Vriska living in your head, and yet...  
Roxy: yeah u sure she 8nt whisperin at u  
Roxy: if u get the urge to install horns its time to call an exorcist  
June: she's not whispering in my ear  
Kanaya: It Is True That Vriska Was Never Coy About The Things She Wanted Other People To Do  
Kanaya: If She Wanted You To Get Prosthetic Horns She Would Just Tell You To Get Them And You Would Do It  
June: I don't want horns!  
Rose: Are you sure about that?  
Dave: hey this conversation sucks  
Dave: june my fucking bitch you are extremely not drunk enough right now  
June: oh uh  
Dave: we are doing shots  
Rose: We are not doing shots.  
Dave: shut up your mouth we are definitely fucking doing some fucking shots  
Karkat: HAVEN'T WE BEEN SHOT AT ENOUGH  
Kanaya: I Agree That Whatever This Is Seems Incredibly Inadvisable  
Roxy: ill do a shot idgaf  
Dave: hell yeah  
Rose: Really, Roxy? Are you sure that's a good idea?  
Jade: shots sound fun!  
Jake: I concur!  
Dave: double hell yeah combob  
Rose: We aren't doing shots.  
Dave: ive got three votes that say eat my ass rose  
Kanaya: What Are We Talking About  
Rose: A shot is what they call it when you fill a small glass with high proof liquor, usually vodka or tequila, and then drink all of it at once. It's a very unpleasant experience that rarely ends well for any involved.  
Karkat: I'M NOT DOING A SHOT  
Dave: yes you are  
Karkat: NO I'M NOT  
Dave: yes you are  
Karkat: FUCK  
Dave: what about you kankan whats your verdict  
Kanaya: I Will Get Shot With You Only If You Agree To Never Call Me Kankan Ever Again  
Dave: you drive a hard bargain but ill take it  
Dave: hows about you terrorezi  
Terezi: SUR3  
Dave: the only correct answer  
Dave: hey cake boss  
(Jane: Are you talking to me?)  
Dave: get your breasts in here were doing shots  
(Jane: Might as well, these dogs are absolutely ruined!)  
Dave: hells of yes.  
Dave: hey did i just tell jane to get her breasts in here  
Rose: You did.  
Dave: damn  
Dave: only a couple weeks of gay and im already forgetting how to be ironically misogynist  
Rose: "Ironically."  
Dave: anyway its just you two bitches now  
Dave: what do you say robobert  
June: uhh... yeah, why not?  
Dave: yes  
Dave: fuck yes  
Dave: fucking hell yes  
Dave: alright rose are you really gonna be the sour apple here  
Rose: What about Calliope and Davepeta?  
Dave: they arent in the same room as me so they basically dont exist  
Dave: fix us up roxin roxy  
Roxy: way ahead of u

Roxy hands out a series of overflowing shot glasses one 8y one as Jane comes in from the kitchen with a towel over her shoulder. she ends holding a glass out to Rose.

Roxy: come on  
Dave: come on  
Roxy: u know u want to  
Dave: come ooon  
Karkat: SERIOUSLY COME ON, THIS TINY FLUID RECEPTACLE IS TOO FULL AND IT'S MAKING ME NERVOUS  
Rose: Ugh, fine.  
Roxy: YES  
Dave: hell yeah peer pressure saves the day again

shot glass in hand, Rose shakes her head... 8ut she's smiling.

Dave: what do we cheer to  
Jade: to good friends!  
Dave: fuck you jade thats lame  
Dave: i expected better from the great silverbark come on  
Dave: june give us something to work with this is your moving out party or whatever  
June: uh  
June: actually  
June: Jake, you've got a lot of experience with this, right?  
Jake: Oh!  
Jake: I suppose ive given my share of cordial toasts but  
Jane: Oh, your share? If toasts were a competition, you'd be the heavyweight champion!  
Dave: hell yeah dude hit us with that sage booze wisdom  
Jake: Well if you insist...

he rot8s the glass in his hand, looking at it carefully. glances around at all of us. smiles coyly, holds it up.  
  
every8ody else follows suit, though the trolls take a few extra seconds to realize this is part of the ritual, and Terezi is of course facing the wrong way.

Jake: To tomorrow, and to every day that follows!

everyone shoots their glasses back.  
  
whatever was in the glass stings my throat, and I immedi8ly start coughing. everyone except Roxy, Jake, and Jane is clutching at their throats like they just swallowed acid. 

Roxy: huh  
Roxy: u think this says somethin bout us  
Jane: It says we're not pussies.  
Jake: Jane Crocker!!  
Roxy: damn janey thats harsh  
Roxy: it is true tho  
Dave: fuck you  
Roxy: what was that  
Dave: fuck off  
Roxy: sry couldnt hear u over the chorus of lame losers  
Rose: You really shouldn't take pride in being able to stomach something like this!  
Jane: You're just jealous that our session was "lit" enough to warrant heavy recreational drinking, Mrs. Lalonde.  
Karkat: I'M DYING  
Karkat: DAVE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME  
Karkat: THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN I HAD TEREZI'S BLOOD IN MY MOUTH  
Kanaya: Yes That Was Extraordinarily Unpleasant  
Kanaya: Please Tell Me What Was Achieved By Doing This To Our Bodies  
Jake: Why a celebration of good spirits of course!  
Kanaya: My Spirit Is Not Good Anymore Jake English In Fact My Spirit Is Worse Than Ever  
Dave: sounds like a  
Dave: oh fuck im gonna throw up  
Dave: sounds like a good shot to me kenya  
Kanaya: Rose Please Tell Me We Wont Be Doing That Again  
Rose: I think we'll be sticking to wine from now on, Kanaya.  
Kanaya: That Is Very Good News  
Jane: If you'll excuse me, I think I'll be evacuating this pathetic display to bread and bake a new batch of corndogs.  
Dave: cant wait to put one of those hot sausages in my  
Dave: wow that was a gay thing to just say huh  
Rose: Well  
Dave: dont you fucking dare

Jane leaves the room, and I hear the sound of a stand mixer turning on. 

Dave: alright now that thats out of the way lets get back to your vriska cosplay  
Dave: weve established the arms abilities in the karate chop department but what else you got  
Dave: lasers buzzsaws grappling hooks theres gotta be some cool shit packed away in there right  
Dave: go go gadget knife  
Dave: take that crime  
Dave: anything like that  
June: unfortun8ly Dave, it's just an arm  
Dave: what the fuck  
Dave: were there just no options or  
June: I didn't ask 8ecause I wasn't shopping for a multitool  
Dave: what a missed fucking opportunity i mean goddamn  
Dave: what happens if some wiseguy comes at you with a sword and you cant turn your finger into a flamethrower  
June: why would someone come at me with a sword?  
June: how is a flamethrower the 8est tool for stopping a guy with a sword???  
Dave: thats your problem june you never think ahead  
Dave: next time you decide to replace a body part hit me up first and ill make sure you get kitted out with that primo robocop murder tech  
Rose: Thank you for the strategically useful interjection, Dave.   
Rose: The more pertinent question in my mind is, what on earth brought this on?  
June: oh  
June: honestly, I uh  
June: I got sick of 8eing reminded of him.

folks go quiet.  
  
hey, where's  
  
I see Terezi close the front door. 8efore anyone asks anything else, I push past the little crowd and follow her outside.  
  
she's sitting on the porch with her head on her knees. I plop down next to her.

June: hey  
June: is the shot messing with you?  
Terezi: 1 DON'T F33L 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT TH3 SHOT  
June: so what's up?  
Terezi: ...  
Terezi: YOU SURP1S3D M3, JUN3  
Terezi: 1'M NOT US3D TO SURPR1S3S  
June: oh.

look out at the street. just ahead of us is where she first landed with every intention of killing me. where I killed her a couple times, 8ut then we sort of fell in love? it's hard to make out the spot, though, 8ecause I'm STILL not wearing my glasses how do I even keep forgetting them??

June: good surprise or 8ad surprise?  
Terezi: N3UTR4L SURPR1S3  
Terezi: 1 DON'T G3T TO T3LL YOU WH4T YOU DO W1TH YOUR BODY  
June: ...but?  
Terezi: NO BUTS  
Terezi: WHO DO3SN'T W4NT 4 ROBOT 4RM  
June: you uh  
June: you don't seem super enthusiastic  
Terezi: >:|  
Terezi: 1 D1DN'T S33 TH1S COM1NG. 1 D1DN'T S33 J4D3 F1GHT1NG LORD 3NGL1SH COM1NG. 1 D1DN'T S33 YOU COM1NG  
June: ...  
Terezi: TH4NK YOU FOR HOLD1NG B4CK ON TH3 BL1ND JOK3S  
June: no pro8lem  
Terezi: YOU CONT1NU3 TO SURPR1S3 M3, JUN3 3GB3RT  
Terezi: 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT YOU 1S 4 W1LDC4RD  
June: and that's... a 8ad thing?  
Terezi: NO  
Terezi: 1 F33L L1K3 YOU'R3 3XP3CT1NG M3 TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG M34N 4ND BR34K UP W1TH YOU  
June: that's exactly what I'm expecting, yeah  
Terezi: STOP TH4T  
Terezi: YOUR UNPR3D1CT4B1L1TY 1S ON3 OF TH3 TH1NGS TH4T K33PS M3 4ROUND  
Terezi: BUT...  
June: there it is  
Terezi: 1 COULD G3T N3W 3Y3S 1F 1 W4NT3D, 4ND 1 DON'T B3C4US3 1 S33 B3TT3R W1THOUT TH3M TH4N 1 3V3R WOULD OTH3RW1S3  
Terezi: YOUR 4RM...  
Terezi: OBV1OUSLY TH3S3 4R3 C4T3GOR1C4LLY D1FF3R3NT D1S4B1L1T13S 4ND ONC3 4G41N 1 DON'T G3T TO T3LL YOU WH4T YOU DO W1TH YOUR BODY  
Terezi: BUT C4N YOU 3XPL41N 1T TO M3?  
June: why I got the arm?  
Terezi: Y3S  
June: um

hold it out in front of me. flex the fingers, turn my wrist. make a fist.  
  
there's some delay in the response, 8ut the surgeon said that would go away with time.

June: I'll never forget what he did to me, or to us. motherfucker's pro8ably gonna chase me for the rest of my life.  
June: Dirk wanted to scar me so I could never escape him, no matter how hard I tried.  
June: he doesn't get to succeed. I won't let him.  
June: so, this...

I run my hand up to where metal meets flesh at my shoulder. the place where a tattoo used to live. surgically replacing the arm was a lot more painful than a few pinpricks, 8ut I needed to do it. I needed it to be done.

June: this is the scar I chose.  
June: I'm not o8lig8d to keep the gift of a fucked up body. not when I have other options. not when I have more work to do.  
Terezi: >:?  
June: ever since J8 got back I've been thinking...  
June: we're stuck here moping around, all sad and stuff  
June: I guess 8ecause we never got to live a normal life and this is what we think that looks like?  
June: 8ut the opposite of sburb isn't automatically the 8est way to spend eternity.  
June: and I think it might not 8e the worst idea to go on some adventures.  
June: I'm still hungry, I'm still angry, and I'm not going to 8e able to do anything a8out that if I just sit and wile away the rest of my life here.  
Terezi: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG 4CCOMP4NY1NG J4D3 4ND D4V3P3T4 ON 4N 1NT3RST3LL4R 3SC4P4D3  
June: no  
June: I mean, not yet?  
June: there's plenty that still needs doing here on Earth C.  
June: I want to make this world a 8etter place. give them a reason to remem8er me that isn't another fucking scar and a few dec8s of nightmares.  
June: if I have to 8e a god, I want to 8e a good one.  
Terezi: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO B3 4NYTH1NG  
June: hmmmmmmmm  
June: I guess that's true  
June: 8ut Jane sure is dedic8d to the idea  
June: isn't it kinda weird we just let her do her thing without any oversight or input?  
Terezi: NOT R34LLY  
June: well, weird or not, other people should 8e involved.  
Terezi: TH1S H4S NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH YOUR 4RM  
June: not directly, yeah  
June: 8ut it's all stuff on my mind.  
June: I'm done 8eing haunted 8y my life.  
June: I'm done with this house, I'm done with my regrets, I'm done with Dirk.  
June: I choose what scars I keep.  
June: no one decides what I do.  
June: if they try, I'll show them what fucking happens.

Terezi rubs her hand on my metallic forearm, where a ro8ot once snapped the limb clear in two. she recoils from its cold surface at first, 8ut gets used to it pretty quick.

Terezi: OK4Y  
June: okay?  
Terezi: 4S 1N OK4Y, TH4T'S GOOD 3NOUGH FOR M3  
Terezi: TO MY GR34T SURPR1S3, JUN3  
Terezi: 1T TURNS OUT 1 L1K3 SURPR1S3S  
Terezi: 4T L34ST WH3N TH3Y DON'T R3SULT 1N CH4OS 4ND D34TH  
Terezi: 1T WORR13D M3 HOW UNPR3D1CT1BL3 YOU 4R3, UNT1L 1 R34L1Z3D TH4T 3V3RYTH1NG YOU DO TH4T SURPR1S3S M3 1S MOR3 YOU TH4N 4NYTH1NG 1 COULD H4V3 THOUGHT UP  
Terezi: OTH3R LOS3RS WOULD G3T J34LOUS 4ND GO ON A K1LL1NG SPR33 TO PUT YOU 1N YOUR PL4C3  
Terezi: 1'M S4T1SF13D H4V1NG FUN 4ND M4K1NG SUR3 YOU DON'T 4CC1D3NT4LLY D13  
June: wow  
June: how romantic  
Terezi: M4NY H4V3 TOLD M3 TH4T 1 4M ROM4NT1C4LLY 3NT1C1NG  
June: is that true?  
Terezi: 1 WOULD N3V3R L13 TO YOU  
June: heh.

I put my head on her shoulder. she's so warm in this chilly night air. what would I do without her?  
  
it hits me just how strange it is that we're here at all, how many unlikely stories 8rought us to this porch. what could possi8ly come next?  
  
W3 H4V3 TO F1GUR3 TH4T OUT TOG3TH3R, DON'T W3?  
>:]  
  
hah.  
  
together.  
  
together as me, together with you. how is this my life?  
  
how did I get so lucky?

June: hey TZ  
Terezi: H3Y JUN3  
June:   
June: thank you  
Terezi: FOR WH4T  
June: for...  
June: 8eing my friend? and my girlfriend. and... everything else.  
June: thank you for 8eing part of my life.  
Terezi: YOU DON'T H4V3 TO TH4NK M3 FOR TH4T, JUN3  
Terezi: 1'M GL4D TO B3 H3R3  
June: yeah...  
June: I'm glad to 8e here too.

  
  
  
  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Universe Leapfrog, an Infinitely Incomplete Anthology of the Adventures of Silverbark Harley the Worldwalker and Her Trusty Sidekick, Davepetasprite](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20946290) by [yaldabaoth_the_demiurge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaldabaoth_the_demiurge/pseuds/yaldabaoth_the_demiurge)


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